Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Our Journey Part 20

Wow. I never thought that I would be on part 20 of this story...
2 weeks of waiting...is kind of the worst. thing. EVER.
I dont know why, but I'm like, the most impatient person on the planet.
You know those dogs who learn to sit with a treat on their nose until their owner s
ays they can have it?
I dont have that kind of patience (or self control...lets be honest here!)
It has been nice to have this new job...it definitely keeps my mind occupied.
It I was still working at the jewelry store, I'd be having WAY too much down time and WAY too much time thinking about if I am pregnant or what it would mean for me if I wasnt.
So, my 2 weeks is almost up...and I start having these HORRIBLE migraines and dizzy spells. I thought they were maybe because i was dehydrated or something, but I have been downing water like no ones business and it doenst help.
I also was super nauseous for the last few days and havent eaten much of anything.
However, while these "might be signs"...I'm really sick of people telling me, "Oh! You're totally pregnant!"--I'm sick of getting my hopes up. Trust me people, its not as easy as that for me. I'm on TONS of medication that could be doing this to me.
I went in this morning before work for my blood test.
7 AM is too early for a Doctors appointment. (just FYI)
And now...I wait for that phone call.
That stupid phone call that has the ability to make me cry with 2 words.
2 words that I have grown to HATE coming over the phone...
(i'm sorry--in case you were wondering. no one starts good news with i'm sorry)
However...i'm trying to remain positive. And happy.
As best as I can until that phone call comes.

Sunday, August 25, 2013


Today I read a story about a man who considered himself worthless.

He was ready to take his own life.

He by "chance" saw a church that had a sign that said "visitor's welcome".

He called and asked if it was true that he could come. The answer was yes.

Not too long after, he realized that he WAS worth something...especially in the eyes of God.

He got baptized into the church and is so grateful to have had the opportunity to change his life.

I am touched by these stories for more than one reason, but mostly because i AM a member of the church he joined. I grew up in the Church and have always felt the love that my Savior has for me.
The story had a poem attached that has always touched my heart...and I'd love to include it here for you to read. They related the man to the violin.

The Touch of the Masters Hand

"Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
thought it scarcely worth his while to waste much time on the old violin,
but held it up with a smile; "What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?" "A dollar, a dollar"; then two!" "Only
two? Two dollars, and who'll make it three? Three dollars, once; three
dollars twice; going for three.." But no, from the room, far back, a
gray-haired man came forward and picked up the bow; Then, wiping the dust
from the old violin, and tightening the loose strings, he played a melody
pure and sweet as caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer, with a voice that was quiet and low,
said; "What am I bid for the old violin?" And he held it up with the bow.
A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two? Two thousand! And who'll make
it three? Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice, and going and
gone," said he. The people cheered, but some of them cried, "We do not
quite understand what changed its worth." Swift came the reply: "The touch
of a master's hand."

And many a man with life out of tune, and battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd, much like the old violin, A
"mess of pottage," a glass of wine; a game - and he travels on. "He is
going" once, and "going twice, He's going and almost gone." But the Master
comes, and the foolish crowd never can quite understand the worth of a soul
and the change that's wrought by the touch of the Master's hand."

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Some days

Some days are just better than others.

Where you feel on top of the world, like nothing could go wrong, things are all working out for you, everyone is nice, work goes smoothly, and you have energy like you've never had before.

Today is not that day.

Actually this week has been full of "not that day"s...

We had a crazy parent come in on monday claiming insane things...and he called the police and they were here FOR HOURS.

Yesterday was crazy at work and I started not feeling fantastic...

and today I woke up sick.

yeesh. hoping that this passes soon and I can start feeling better!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

the "tumor"

Okay, so i'm not 100% sure, but i'm 95% sure that I carry stress in my back.

add that to the fact that i've been falling asleep on our couch E.V.E.R.Y. night.

and multiply that by the fact that our bed has broken down in the middle and we sink in to it lopsidedly.

My back equals out into one big GIANT mess.

I was hurting last night, so I asked Jace to rub it for me. It was just on my right side, just under my shoulder blade. He barely touched it when I yelped in pain! He pressed around it to see how big of a knot it was...and exclaimed that it wasnt a knot, it was a tumor! It started just under my shoulder blade, and went down to the middle of my back and about a handspan in width.

He worked on it for about 20 minutes before I made him stop...I was inches from crying.

And now...not only is my back killer sore from trying to work the knot out, but I now have TWO knots intead of one large "tumor".


Monday, August 19, 2013

Our Journey Part 19

Read earlier parts of the story here.

So after all of that extra medication, time, and money--i went in to see how my ovaries did.
The ultrasound tech was checking me that day...
I had 4 on my left ovary. One was measuring at like an 18, one at a 14, and 2 at a 10
I had 2 on my left ovary, measuring just about 13, with 2 more just under 10.
They had me wait 2 days to trigger. Then another 2 days for the IUI.
Jace went, I went.
Bada-bing, bada-boom!
Hopefully it will be lucky #5 IUI!

Friday, August 16, 2013

6 things to know about me...

So. Got onto my blog today and started stalking my friends, when SURPRISE! I've been tagged in something (that NEVER happens. seriously. Ha. and also, i may have been a wee bit excited...)
Well, Jenna here you go! :)

1. Is this how you imagined your life would be?

I always had this plan in my head of what my life would be like...what I would do as a grown up. It consisted of me getting married, having kids, having a home, a dog, a suv, and being happy. Thats it. Pretty simple right?

Well, my life has definitely taken more of a curvy path instead of a straight shot on my way there. I made myself go to school (just kidding, that was all my parents) and then i went to cosmetology school of all things. I am so not a girly girl, and so that was a shock--even to me! Then after a failed engagement...and thinking i was NEVER going to get married, i met my sweetheart and was married--at the ripe old age of 22. Never in my life did I think of a career I wanted...I just wanted to be a mom. And its turned out to be a pretty difficult journey for us as you can read about here. I live in a condo-turned apartment...and while we dont own a house yet, i do feel like this is my HOME. I also dont have an SUV...maybe when a baby finally decides to join our family we'll be able to get that :) and the dog will have to wait until we have a home with a yard.

So, while its not gone as SMOOTHLY as i had hoped/planned on...I wouldnt trade what I've learned and gained from everything. And i scored a pretty awesome husband in the process. :)

2. If money were no question, I would purchase ...

A couple of things:
#1:A house. Single level. Big backyard. With an attached room for my at home salon.
#2:A 2013 Nissan Pathfinder--its always been my plan to own a pathfinder--and they have re-done the body and now Jace wants one too.
#3: To build a custom cabin up on my families ranch. I already have the land--and thats half the cost!
#4: Babies :) Fertility treatments cost alot...so does adoption.

3. What's your drink of choice when out with girlfriends?
So...I dont drink alcohol. and unfortunately, i havent had a girls night out in a LONG time! however, i love a virgin strawberry daquiri--YUMMY! I also love Pepsi...but i'm trying to be good right now and not drink caffine/soda. Another soda that sometimes i just CRAVE, is Henry Weinharts Orange Cream. mm.

4. What do you love about yourself?

I love that I'm organized. It tends to drive me crazy when things are out of place (mild OCD over here), but once they are put away its like i'm able to breathe again!

Also, I'm pretty good at making a house/apartment (in my case the latter) a true HOME. Its a pride factor that when you come into my home you FEEL at home. In a kick-off-your-shoes, grab-yourself-a-drink, watch-netflix-play-games kind of way.

5. Name one good deed you did that went unseen.

Every Christmas we do one big good deed...our favorite to do is to leave a giant tip ($50) for our waiter/waitress at a restaurant.

6. What hobbies do you have that you don't mention on your blog?

That I dont mention? Hm...i love reading. Pretty sure i could live on my couch and read forever.
I also LOVE to bake. So much so, that for my wedding a bunch of my friends gave me cook books, cupcake books, and about 5 muffin pans. And you know what? I use them all!
Jace and I have become Netflix/Hulu junkies...we LOVE our TV shows (once upon a time, castle, NCIS, Psych...and biggest loser. (guilty pleasure!!)

The journey-for reference

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


So today while driving home from lunch back to work I noticed something funny.

For those of you who dont know...I live in the valley of the sun. Also known as "death" in the summer. Fortunately, we've been pretty lucky lately...not too hot. Just about 108 degrees today.

Also, school for our state/city/whatever has started...they are about a week in to it now. And Wenesday=early release.

Well, I passed an elementary school today and watched a dad push his 2 kids on his way home.
Pushed in a METAL shopping cart.

I could only think 2 things:
#1: ohmygosh! those poor kids! that metal has GOT to be burning the flesh from their little bodies!
#2: huh?....must be cheaper than a double stroller.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Lately I have been feeling...restless.

I have this ITCH to go SOMEWHERE. or DO something!

It doesnt have to be long or very far away even...but just somewhere.

I'm having a hard time concentrating at work...

My days while full...is full of the same, monotonus work.

::Email support coordinators. When they dont return your email, call support coordinators. When they dont return your call, call their supervisor, thus in turn getting the support coordinator super mad at you.::
::Email remaining hours to the families. Answer angry/misunderstanding from parents. ::
::Email notes and strategies that you have spent hours writing to the provider, only to have them ignore and not fill them out. Spend every other day emailing/calling to try and get caught up on paperwork to send in to the state so they dont get on your case.::
::Go to consumers homes for intakes, quarterly visits, and annual meeting with family and support coordinators--spend alot of time driving.::

The end. You guys. This is EVERYDAY. I love my job! Its good pay, good hours, close to home, and with good people. But I definitly am "over" the monotony!!!

I'm not sleeping well at night (lately especially)...my mind just wanders all over the place!

What are your cures for restlessness?? I need some advice!

Monday, August 12, 2013


I had a freak out today.

An internal freak out though, so i didnt bother anyone else.

But dude. I sure can stress myself out!

On another note,

 Jace was just told that they are transferring him to a different store tomorrow. Today is his last day at the Chandler Mall branch. Hes sad because hes been there 2 years (next month) and they didnt even mention it in their morning meeting that he is leaving. No one seems to care and thats sad!

However, it will be a good move we think. Its a little bit closer to home (not much), their numbers are pretty good, and the whole reason they are moving him over is because they only have 1 full time banker and its a brand spanking new Manager. They needed someone who knew the ropes and could help the branch function. This will give Jace a much better opportunity to hit all of his numbers (way less competition--banker wise) and if he gets along well with the new manager he might be able to get a recommendation for a promotion that he wants! Exciting!

Also, can we please mention the fact that my baby brother leaves for his mission in 2 months exactly? ::insert mini freak out here::

work is SO slow today! my friend and co-worker got really sick and had to quit. Friday was her last day and i'm so sad!! I dont have anyone to talk to, to help pass the time during slow days. boo.

Friday, August 9, 2013


Normally when my co-workers ask me if I have anything fun planned for the weekend, my answer is generally no. Or not that i know of!

Its been a weird week. My co-worker Alyssa was super sick for the first couple of days, came in Wednesday and told us she needed a kidney and pancreas transplant (she has diabetes) and her parents are making her quit. (today is her last day and I'm so sad!)

I got sick Wednesday (guess that's what happens when you work with kids!) and stayed home from work on Thursday.

Got to work today late, so i didn't take lunch to make up for it. Then i remembered that I'm needing to babysit Randy so my parents and Joe can go out to eat to celebrate birthdays/Joe's graduation. Ha ha, totally almost forgot all about that.

AND my mom reminded me that my whole family is going to a Diamondbacks game tomorrow (my first one of this season!)--Joe wants to make sure he goes to at least one with the whole family before he leaves on his mission!

So...even though its not all going to be super exciting, i actually have set plans for the weekend. Which is rare!!

Happy Friday everybody...I only have to stay at work for another 6 minutes! Hallelujah!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Our Journey Part 18

Because last month was our FOURTH iui our Dr. wanted to do something extreme and different for this next month of trying.

Normally on day 3 of my period, i go in for an ultrasound and they start me on femara. we've also added hormone shots like on days 4-8, and then again on 10. last month it was days 4-7, 9, and 10. and then of course i go in on day 10 to have another ultrasound to see if my follicles have grown correctly.

Well. This month he wanted me to start my femara and hormone shot on day 2. BEFORE i even went in for my ultrasound. AND hes upped the dosage of my hormone AGAIN. When we went in on day 3 for my ultrasound, i told the tech that i already had started my medicine...she made the comment, "WOW. hes really wanting to work your ovaries this month." 

Darn freaking right. Its month 6 of crazy medicine and procedures. 

Day 2 I had also just started my new job...day 4 was my husbands birthday.

The medicine (my ultra crazy juice) combined with the stress of this new job completely took me over.

And I kind of ruined Jace's birthday. I was sobbing uncontrollably, telling him he could celebrate without me doing whatever he wanted. I mean...people. I WAS A FREAKING MESS. It was bad.

And i felt SOOOOOOOO bad. So to make up for it, we went and picked out one of his presents (handpicking tools...the smell of home depot...jace jumping from aisle to aisle) then we went and got really yummy Mexican food at mattas and played some Wii. Also, i offered to rub his feet for as long as he wanted. I must have been DRAINED because after a half hour he woke me laughing. His foot was still in my hands and i was PASSED out.

Since then, i've worked as hard as I could to not freak out like i did that day. I have been super stressed, super emotional, and super exhausted. So far I think I'm doing pretty good--all things considering!