Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Its just a cheerio, right?

If you know me at all, you know that I like lists. I like organization.

I like to keep a clean house, laundry put away, dishes out of sight, and the smell of cleaning solution alluding to the fact that my house is "sparkling".

When I got married it was a huge adjustment for many reasons. But one of the biggest ones was that my husband was kind of a slob. He didn't do it on purpose or with malice...he just never learned to clean or pick up after himself. He lived at home until we got married...and since his mom cleaned the house he never saw a need--even when he was the one making the mess.

In fact, I remember when we were engaged and our wedding date was looming, that my mother in law to be looked at me and laughed as she filled a garbage can FULL of plastic water bottles. She looked at me and said, soon this will be your problem! The water bottles were all jace. All over the house. 

So I adapted. We didn't have water bottles...that would solve that problem, right?!? Wrong. It just became cups left out. CUPS EVERYWHERE!!! ah!

But, with just the two of us, I was able to keep a clean home for the most part. (please please please never go in my bedroom unless its an emergency. that is the compromise i'm working out with my husband...anything of his needs to be thrown in there instead of strewn about the house)

When I was put on bed rest with Nash...I freaked out. Yes of course about trying to keep him cooking longer and my health, but I was no longer able to keep up on trying to keep our house picked up, dinner made, garbage out...all of that went bye bye. Jace tried to help some...but it just never stuck in his head that this was his mess too and he needed to be responsible to clean it up.

Then Nash came and my health wasn't good. Cleaning? I didn't know what that word meant other than diapers, garbage out, dishes done, bottles sanitized, and sheets and burp cloths washed. Vacuuming, dusting, windows, scrubbing grout? Last thing on my mind. Then it was supposed to get better once he started sleeping...and that just never happened.

Fast forward to now. We have our own, spacious home. Its just the 3 of us. I want so badly to keep up on things, but I find myself exhausted most of the time. And honestly the task seems daunting.

So, if you come to my house...please excuse the 20 cups throughout the front rooms, the crayons and markers all over the family room, the toy chest that looks like it exploded, and the zillion of cheerios that my son just dumped all over the dining room floor. Oops...that crunch? No biggie. 
Its just a cheerio, right?

Monday, September 21, 2015

Breaking our hearts over here

Day 2.

Nash is SICK.

Vomiting, diarrhea, and fever close to 102.5

He is cuddling like nobody's business.

Making sad whimpering sounds.

Moaning and groaning every time he moves.

Its breaking our hearts to hear him like that.

He does NOT want to be alone, so he has been napping and sleeping with mommy in her arms in her bed.

The Tylenol and Motrin are containing the fever for the time being. If he can hold down the pedialyte and cherrios and dry toast we gave him tonight for dinner...then we wont take him to the doctor. Or if Tylenol stops containing the fever. Then we'll be going in. Funnily enough we are scheduled for his 18 month well check for Wednesday. This has happened the last two well checks. We end up there 2 or 3 days "early" because of illness and then cant get our shots until the next week. GAH.

Praying he feels better....and sleeps better....last night was rough. Although we are supposed to have a flooding storm tonight which means that I dont see sleep in our future.

((This picture was taken after attempt #2 of a nap and our 3rd dosage of Tylenol and 2 dosage of Motrin. I label it "how to tell that the medicine has kicked in".))

Friday, September 18, 2015

Nash 18 months

If you can believe it my boy is 18 months old.


what the crazy?!

How did he go from this:

to this:

to this:

and this

and this!


Well, I'm a bit hormonal (i've got crazy stuff going on inside of me), but I really think its because he is my BABY and I worked so hard and so long to have a baby and now that time is GONE! It just up and zipped past us while we weren't sleeping and busy going to doctors appointments. So unfair!

I am bound and determined to keep remembering how fun he is to distract myself from being sad.

At 18 months Nash:

*weighs 23 pounds and 12 ounces and is 32 and 3/4 inches long! 
*reminds us to have prayer at dinnertime and before all naps and at bedtime.
*loves to point to Jesus in any of our pictures.
*climbs EVERYTHING! favorite place to perch is the couch.
*runs around like a mad man! he never stops!
*just had all 4 canines poke through...making that 16 teeth. 
*loves other kids!!
*signs like you wouldn't believe!!
*is talking well! 
(favorite new words or phrases are: 'are you okay' ('you otay?') 'thank you momma' (tate you moma) 'oh no! its big jet!' (oh no! bid det!) 'dore mom' (its the door mom!) 
'TOOT!'....yeah hes got that one down.)
*loves loves loves outside!!! always wanting to go running, swinging, watching airplanes, 
or chasing bubbles!!
*loves mickey mouse, baby signing time, and little Einsteins.
*LOVES books--we read a thousand of them a day
*loves going to grandma and papa's house to play.
*loves kitties!! he pets and plays with patch and phoebe (my parents cats) and then comes home and cuddles his own kitty cat! (an old stuffed animal of mine)
*loves PB&J sandwiches, green apples, and red grapes.
*ice cream is a rare treat here at our house, and Nash will somehow consume 95% of yours!
*when he knows he is getting into something he shouldn't and I call his name, he comes running--looks at me with those beautiful eyes, big smile, waves and says "Hi!" and then blows me a kiss. Gosh dang it he is smart.
*His favorite place to hide himself is in the cupboard next to the computer or in 
mommy and daddy's closet. 
*He poses for pictures. Such a ham!
*is wearing up to 24 month onsies and jammies--he is SO tall!!! But hes skinny enough that he needs to wear 12-18 month pants.
*nash knows the animals: kitty, dog, frog, horse, bird, "bug", bear, duck, lion, and shark. He knows the corresponding signs to the first 7.
*nothing makes nash happier than going outside with his papa wight and looking at airplanes.
*he gets to meet his uncle joe for the first time EVER in just 12 days!! we've been working really hard and he now knows joes face and name. Hopefully he will "perform" at the airport.
*anything music makes him happy!! every night he asks for his music to be on (its piano music) and he absolutely loves the hot dog dance at the end of mickey mouse clubhouse.
*he loves his blocks, and has to have ALL of them out while playing.

...and a million more things. Being his mom is the best thing I've ever done. 
I love you so much my Nash. Remember always, you were what I prayed and pleaded for. God gave me you. And for that, I will be forever grateful. You filled the cracks in my heart that I didn't even know existed. I cant wait to see what the future holds for you!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015


I'm trying to document my life right now.

Because one day i'm going to blink and my son is going to be 18 and graduated and on a mission.

And by that time I sure hope the other junk in my life is all worked out.

I'm hoping that by documenting things, i'll remember how blessed i am in my life.


Here are some favorite pictures i've taken recently :)...totally out of order of date taken. I'm too tired to fix it. :)

Cabin Labor Day 2015. This was his first time in a hammock and he loved it! 
Even after he fell out later)

He is so handsome!

Model status.

He has the best smile.

And loves his dad.

Goofy kid.

Uncle Randy's 37th Birthday.

Signing time crew! lol

Crazy Captain Jelly Beard!!

Sitting on the couch, eating fruit loops, watching little einsteins. 

Pleasant baby...

not so pleasant baby.



I dont get pictures of me with Nash often. I'm always the one taking pictures and it makes me sad. My SIL Melanie realized this and offered to take a quick picture for me. I look gross, but i'm THERE, you know? And I like to think that this shows that Nash loves me like he loves his dad.

Seriously, this kid is a disaster while eating. I think its because he knows that he'll get a bath out of it if he is dirty enough!


Corbin turned 7!

We had a going away party for my inlaws. Found the kids all playing in Nashs room. That has been a dream of mine forever.

Nash LOVES Alyssandra. Seriously.

That blur? Nash's great white shark. Ryker was obsessed!

lets spot the interesting thing in that picture...

That would be ONE of his great white shark crochet slippers....

Good times. xoxox

Saturday, September 12, 2015

The extra help

So, awhile back I wrote a post about how I felt like I was failing at my life--about how I needed help.
 (Read about that here)

Last year in August, I went in to my doctor to discuss the possibility that I had Postpartum Depression. It was not something that I discussed with anyone other than my husband, my mother, and my doctor. I was embarrassed. Good grief, how many new moms were able to handle their new baby and new lives and not need MEDICATION. How many moms were bring home baby #4 and cruising through their life. They were able to have it together, why WHY couldnt I?

I was not depressed in the sense of I couldnt get out of bed, or I stayed in my pajamas all day (which I dont find all that wrong anyway!). I stayed on top of all our doctor appointments for Nash and me. I still had high blood pressure and was seeing a cardiologist. Nash was is his pediatricians office more times than I could count. We also were seeing a gastrointestinal specialist, his PA, a neurologist, and even had an emergency visit to the hospital. 
All of that time, I was only sleeping about 4 hours at night-- and it was interrupted sleep at that. Nash didnt nap. I never got any down time--or time I wasnt having to hold my sad screaming colicky baby. My cleaning of the house, doing laundry, making meals...all of that started falling through the cracks. I was losing my mind. I felt like a bad wife and homemaker...I was angry all the time at my husband because he never ONCE reached out to help me. He slept on at night, instead of taking one feeding like I begged him to. Resentment started building up. I felt like I wasnt cut out to be a mother. This is what I wanted for my entire life and I was failing at it! 
My son was sick, and I was sad and mad all the time. 

My mom is the one who suggested I go talk to my doctor. 

I had to take a "test" to see what kind of depression we were talking about.

He agreed that I had postpartum depression on a mild scale. He suggested an anti-depressant.

Which...made me depressed. I couldnt believe I needed a medication to handle my life.

I took that medication religiously for a year.
 (the minimum time they suggest you be on a medication like that).
 My life seemed to be "evening out" some...
Nash was napping at least once a day for about an hour. He was sleeping about 5 hours at a time at night. He didnt need to held 24/7. We bought a new home that had lots of room for him to explore.
I was ready to get off that medicine.

And then I got news that shook my whole world. Everything I had been living was built around a horrible, dark, scary lie. I knew I needed that medication longer.

When I finally felt like I could try going off of it (about 2 months after the devastating news), my mother didnt want me to go off the anti-depressant. She was worried about me.

I decided to go for it anyways. I went in to my doctor and we both agreed to wean off it. One month I took half doses...things seemed to be fine...nothing out of the normal really. The next month I was off it completely. For the first 2 weeks, I felt totally normal. I was back to not getting alot of sleep though. Nash was experiencing night terrors as well as having 4 canines coming through at once.
 But I was feeling--okay.
The last 2 weeks have been SO up and down. I find myself feeling very down. Not as bad as it was in the beginning, but close. I feel like I'm failing at keeping all the balls in the air i'm trying to juggle. Being a good, interactive mom. Starting and promoting my new business. Keeping a tidy home. Making our meals. Keeping track of all appointments and bills. Trying to have a relationship with my husband. Embracing my new calling as laurel adviser and teaching every week with mutual every week as well. Everything has seemed to slip through my fingers at one point. 
Oh the crying. I can read a touching story. Watch a video clip of a dog. See my son learning something new. Watch property brothers. I START CRYING AT EVERYTHING. 
What is going on with me!??!

I was so confused. Apparently, there will be hormonal shifts as my body tries to adjust and go back to "normal". It could be months before I'm back to my old self. I knew that, but now I KNOW its gonna be awhile. 

I have been so grateful for that little "extra help"....the one I didnt know I needed.
The one that I feared people would shame me for.

Now without it, I realize what a help it actually was. I am grateful for modern medicine and doctors who care. I'm grateful for my mom for pushing me to go talk to my doctor. I'm grateful that Nash is doing better--enough that I feel sane. And I'm grateful for my mind and body...I'm grateful that I was able to create life and to carry that sweet boy, and that i'm doing my best in being the best mother I can be. I'm grateful to know that we can overcome obstacles. 
And that things are only "stigmas" if we let them be. 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Homecoming 2015!

Attention all mesa moms and girls in high school!!! I know that Homecoming is around the corner (end of this month, beginning of next month) and I'm offering a GREAT deal!!! Semi-formal hair (half up) is priced at $25, and Formal hair (all up) is priced at $35!! Normal pricing is $40 for semi formal and $50 for formal!! Take advantage of this deal! Call or message today to make an appointment!!!

This is what I LIVE FOR!!! I love doing event hair. I specialized in this in beauty school. Since then I've done weddings, but no dances!! This must change! :)


Today I have 2 pieces of advice for all adults out there.

#1. DO NOT wear flip flops, in the rain, going up and down a wooden ramp.


This is all. I'm gonna go back and ice my whole body now.