Friday, March 31, 2017

Loving each other

We've been having some things going on in our family. Its still difficult to put into words as we are in the midst of it still--I'm sure I will share later.

But its caused Jace and I to be a bit more affectionate to one another.

Nash has noticed.

Tonight when Jace hugged and kissed me before he left to work (it was a decent kiss--not just a peck like normal), Nash said, "OH!!!!!! They are loving each other!!" in this sing-song-y voice.

Jace and I started cracking up immediately.

It was adorable.

The end.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Nash is 3!

I dont know how it happened.

But another year has come and gone and my baby is older.

I sat tonight and told him the story of a girl who wanted to be a mommy. And her wish finally came true. And the best part? He was the happy ending to that story!

I am feeling so many feelings. Ive been pretty bogged down with life stuff and the lead up to Nash's birthday and it will be...lets say minimal. I'm not doing a theme or a big party or anything like that. We are having family over for cake and presents and during the day we will be taking Nash to do some of his favorite things. We'll get barros pizza for lunch (his favorite), go to the splash pad/play in the water/play on the playground, and maybe go to the library and get more books. I'm sure there will be Rescue Bots, or Curious George watched at some point, and maybe watching daddy mow the lawn.

I made our annual birthday signs...some the same every year, with new funny ones relating to jokes or favorite shows over the last year. This year is a mish mash. :) Mario Cart, Star Wars, Phineas and Ferb, Moana, etc.

This sweet boy is a constant joy. He really is. He has his moments for sure--and he definitely doesnt give me any space or time to myself which can be hard and annoying at times. But my goodness. This little PERSON. This sweet spirit was sent to me from my Heavenly Father. I longed for the day when someone would call me momma and want to be around me all the time. I begged and pleaded for that day to come. I will never ever take for granted the huge blessing and wonderful miracle that Nash is in my life.

There were times over the last couple of years that I didnt know how I was going to make it...and Nash was the answer. He was the driving force in me to keep pushing on. To keep trying harder. Nash is mimicking all the time now (copying like no ones business--and his imitation of me laughing is FAR from flattering) and all I can think of is, "what is he going to say out and about? have i set a good example? will he be kind and caring, compassionate, and understanding? will he have a testimony of Christ that he would share with the world? will he be true to who he is and be open and honest?" I think these things everyday.

I have such a love for him. I really cant express it. He is my light and my joy and my everything. How glad I am that he is mine.

**a few things of note:

at age 3::

Nash copies EVERYTHING. Movies, songs, people. He picks his favorite word or phrase and will keep saying it over and over.

Nash will stay on repeat of the same statement or question until someone acknowledges him. Its highly annoying when his dad is home because Jace can tune him out completely.

Nash loves to play chase with his Papa (my dad) and Jace. He doesnt get to see them as much and he knows that this game will ensure all their attention on him.

Nash loves my dad. He loves my parents house. He constantly asks to go to "grammas house" and see "papas van" and "bebe".

Sleeps with "blanket" and "mr. peddypaws/gnocchi/Figuero" It changes depending on what shows he watches. lol (rescue bots/curious george/mickey mouse)

He loves to watch Tom and Jerry, Mickey Mouse, Thomas the Train, Rescue Bots, Little Eisensteins, An Extremely Goofy Movie, Phineas and Ferb, and Curious George on rotation.

He saw his first movie theater movie Moana and LOVES having it here at home. We've watched it at least 10 times in 11 days. His favorite songs are the voyagers song, your welcome, and shiney. We have the soundtrack in the car and have to listen to shiny at least twice every drive.

He wants to help with things. His new skill is helping to crack the eggs for his breakfast! He also likes to help sweep...even if he doesnt have the coordination for that yet. He also will help carry in groceries and when we are done with the cart, with mommas help he puts it back. He can throw stuff away if I ask him to (and hes only thrown 1 bowl in the garbage!) He has learned to wash his hands by himself...its not entirely clean, so I come in and help him finish, but he can do it!

We have started going potty on the toilet. We are not toilet training yet, but I feel that will come in the not too distant future. He likes to get stickers and how excited we get when he goes. In fact, he'll come in when i go to the bathroom and say "you did it momma!" ha!

Had our first real talk about private parts and why momma's are different than Nashs. (Showers dont happen for momma during the day unless Nash comes in with me.)

He is tall and skinny. He is officially too tall for the ergo backpack (i tried! and failed)

He still adores outside time. Its now in the 90s so swimming isnt too far off. He is signed up for legit swim lessons this summer with the woman who taught ME!

He is a great sport when I have to work. He knows when i drop him off at my parents that I'm working. He looks at me and says "you taking pictures momma?" and when I say yes, he says "okay do good!"

He worries about others. If someone coughs, he asks if they are okay. If they sneeze, he says bless you. My brother Randy will seize and Nash asks if he is okay and apologizes that randy is hurt.

He is so sensitive. I hope he never loses that.

and he loves. He loves everyone. He makes new friends (young and old) where ever we go.

His smile lights up a room. His laugh is contagious. His spirit shines so bright.

These last 3 years have been so amazing. I cant remember what my life looked like without Nash in it. I sure am grateful to be his mother. Happy Birthday my sweet little man!!

Here are some from his 3 year photo shoot....its getting much harder to keep him still! lol

Sunday, March 12, 2017


This word...taxes...brings such a response from my mind and body.

Panic. Anxiety. Frustration. Fear. Worry. Confusion.

Jace never helps me with the taxes. He would have NO idea what to do. So its all on my shoulders and that is so stressful! I am constantly feared with worry that I've left something out, figured the numbers wrong, and that somehow the government is going to fine me some substantial amount and take my home.

Seems a little silly right? Thats what anxiety does to me. I take one thing that isnt such a big deal, but over time, my worry makes it into something BIG.

My tax appointment is Tuesday. I have done NOTHING to prepare for that appointment yet. We've been sick at our house for weeks, Nash hasnt been sleeping, I've had events to do and lots of photoshoots and editing to worry about. Not to mention my brother being in the hospital and my lack of motivation.

I'm especially concerned because this is the first year that I'm needing to file for my business. Last year taxes (2015) I didnt make nearly enough to worry. 2016 was a different story. New things, the unknown=ANXIETY!!!

I'm sure it'll be fine. I always double and triple check for my taxes, but I'm basically going to be a hermit for the next day or two while I prepare these things. Wish me luck!!!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Life Lately and Random Thoughts

My brother Randy is in the ICU again with pneumonia and RSV.

I swear this has been one of the worst seasons for illness'. Nash just got over a 2 week horrible cough only to get what seems to be a cold. Jace had a cold that went into a sinus infection, i got a cold, joe and dad and jeff's whole family has been sick too. I have had 8 past newborn clients with babies who have RSV.

We just need it to go away!! Hopefully Randy will be out of the hospital and home soon. Poor bud. He has been so sick, for so long recently.

Its been rainy and cold, which hormonal hot Andrea loves, but her poor sick family has not loved so much. Nash hasnt gotten to be outside very much in the last 3 weeks. Every time I let him outside he started running or jumping and it started his horrible cough that he couldnt stop. So I basically have a bit of cabin fever going on.

We had friends over for the first time last week for dinner and games. They have 5 kids! and I gotta admit, it was a bit stressful at first. :) But fun. Shoot. I even won all 3 games and that has never happened in my entire life.

Jace has some health issues. His triglycerides are like quadruple the normal level, he has high cholesterol, and who knows what else. We are changing diets and thought processes over at our house. I hope he can get on board, because his life literally depends on it.

My blood pressure has been up and down (literally, like dwight schrute i can feel my blood pressure rising and falling ((he just commands it)) ).

My primary doctor put me back on medication before the holidays and I finally got to see my cardiologist today. The EKG looks great, we are going to do another ECHO but he doesnt think anything is wrong with my heart. Just like some women who develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy and then type 2 diabetes, women who have preeclampsia sometimes develop high blood pressure for life. It isnt fair, but mine is easily controlled with a small dose of medication, so my doctor is considering it a win. 

Also, his computer looked like this: "patient is obese"

and then I wanted to run out of the office crying and felt this overwhelming cloud of shame fly over me. I finally found an endocrinologist that i think will be able to help me get my hormones and insulin levels stablized. My last doctor wasnt helpful and wouldnt even see me (i saw his PA). The hardest part about this weight gain is THAT IT IS NOT MY DIET! I actually eat pretty healthy. I am pretty active as well. I eat small portions. But thanks to the flip flop of my insulin levels, no matter what I do without proper medication and a specialized diet I will not lose weight. But doctors dont know that. They just see the number, the BMI, and tell you to lose weight and sometimes make you feel really crummy. (My cardiologist didnt make me feel awful by any means, hes a sweet guy--but he still looked at the number and said LOSE WEIGHT.)

It was 3 years ago this week that I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. So weird.

I have a Relief Society night coming up next week that I'm in charge of decorating for. I'm a little stressed.

I have multiple newborn shoots this week. also stressful.

I accidently skipped my annual womens exam last year so i have that this week too.

Our tax appointment is the 14th and I've done NOTHING to prepare yet. Its always me too, Jace has no idea what would be needed or what to do. I take care of it. Stress!!

And my baby turns 3 in just 17 days. And I want to cry lots and lots of tears.

The end.