Covid19

I've been thinking about, processing, dealing with, etc for now 12 weeks about the novel coronavirus--covid19.

TWELVE WEEKS. 3 months.

That is how long I've had Nash home 24/7. That is how long we have been in "quarantine".

My mother keeps saying that I need "to write it all down. my kids and grandkids will want to know." but honestly, its felt so very overwhelming I didnt know where to start. And honestly, I still dont. There is so much that wont be said...mostly because its been so much that I cant remember it all.

A short breakdown: A horrible virus "escaped" from a lab in Wuhan China. Chinese officials lied about how many got sick and how many were dying. The WHO also didnt report real numbers. This virus attacks the respiratory system and especially in those with weakened immune systems, or those who have pre-existing conditions. However, it doesnt care who it infects. The elderly, men, women, children....healthy, pre-existing conditions, what have you. So many thousands have died. It has affected so many different nations.

The world as a whole was on lockdown trying to slow the spread of this virus.

Our president shut down our borders, no one in or out.

We were asked to stay in our homes and quarantine. Businesses were shut down, doors locked. Unless you were essential...thankfully Jace works for the bank...which was essential. We were not left without income. However, my photography business was shuttered for 2 months. I'm just barely getting it back up and running. Jace was now working from home...to make sure we werent being exposed.

We have my parents and randy especially who would not survive if he contracted this. We have been very careful.

I had a sinus infection and needed to get antibiotics from my doctor at the start of all this. I was asked to wear a mask (we all were later on), wait in my car while they prepared a special room for me, I was taken in a back door to avoid everyone else ::in case:: my symptoms were that of covid. They werent....it was a sinus infection.

You were/are still supposed to be shopping once a week. One person in a mask, once a week to limit exposure. People freaked out and bought everything. It was hard to find food and supplies for almost 2 months. Now we know why our church leaders have been telling us to have a supply of food on hand...a year is best, but at minimum a 3 month supply. I was doing the shopping for my family and my parents so they didnt have exposure. Milk was limited to 1 gallon a person (if you could find it). The stores 3 months later are just starting to have bleach and toilet paper on their shelves. They still arent stocked but they are starting to be signs of things coming back. Cleaning supplies, hand sanitizer, frozen foods, meat, bread, milk, eggs, and ANY paper goods--plates, TP, paper towels, etc, FLOUR, sugar, salt, rice....all of that has been GONE. I have been lucky and found some TP here and there....finally found some flour at costco and some rice at Frys. Everything has been piece meal. It has been truly crazy.

Through the craziness of the food shortage...I never felt panic though. We had enough. We would be okay. And we have been. Its all about having Faith over Fear. I have trusted in my Heavenly Father and we have been blessed.

I have been doing my best to reach out and minister to our families. I have been baking bread and sharing it.

We planted a garden with our tax return this year. It happened right after quarantine. We have been wanting to and this got our butts in gear. We have already harvested some radishes. We have a head of lettuce growing, a couple of carrots, radishes, some sweet peas, some broccoli, some bell pepper plants (with one pepper), a cherry tomato plant, and some watermelon. It has been trial and error and I think i've finally figured it out. We installed a drip system and its nice to not have to go out and water twice a day. Nash planted some flowers from seeds and they are starting to bloom. He is over the moon.

(planted March 31st 2020)

(planted March 31st 2020)

School was cancelled immediately. I became a homeschool mom with someone elses curriculum. The school adjusted as best as possible with online learning. It was trippy. We would go get lunch a couple days a week at the school, even though we couldnt get out of the car or see anyone really, it was a chance to get out of the house. I cried one of the times I got to go get some groceries for pick up. I miss having anytime of quiet now.

(our homeschool set up)

My anxiety has been up and down and up and down. Through all of this though, I have been honest with Nash in the simplest way without adding fear. He understands that he cant see his friends, or go to school, go to church, play coach pitch, go to his singing class, or even hang out at his grandparents, because we want to keep everyone as safe as possible. He knows that this virus is killing people. He knows that momma and daddy want him safe and healthy.

All of our temples and church houses were closed. What a weird and scary time. We had General Conference at home broadcasted as usual, but the only people allowed during conference were those speaking. The music was pre-recorded. The brethren were sitting 6 feet apart in social distancing standards. President Nelson announced a new symbol for our church. And new temples. And his love and faith that everything will be okay.  We also got to participate in a Hosanna Shout. Nash's first. And we were invited to participate in a WORLD WIDE fast. <3 nbsp="" p="">

We have been able to have Sacrament meeting in our home and that has been special. I hope Nash always remembers that. All missionaries were sent back to their home countries. Some are finally getting reassigned within their home countries.

My business was able to officially open March 18th with new policies due to covid19.
Some businesses arent open yet in the country. Everyone is having to open in phases.

Schools for Arizona announced yesterday that they will reopen in the fall, but there will be major changes. We are supposed to hear what that means in June. I am nervous.

Nash asked when we will get back to normal. I told him that we will never go back to what was his normal. Things will be new. We will deal with and adapt as best as we can.

My fertility doctor called and since Arizona is opening things up, we can resume with our IVF plans. Its happening and its scary and we are in a scary time, but I'm not waiting. Faith over Fear. Its been our motto and will continue to be so.

Nash turns 6 in Quarantine!

So Nash's 6th birthday had been in the planning stages since January.

He knew 3 things:
Who he wanted to invite (Shawn Kerrigan, Mason, Liam, Silas, Grey and Henry, Evan, and Maximus--from school)
What type of party: PIRATES!!
What type of cake: Chocolate with chocolate frosting!

I ordered lots of fun things, planned lots of fun little activities for the boys. Talked with the moms. Everything was set.

Then the coronavirus hit and sent our country into a lockdown "quarantine"...literally the week of Nash's birthday/party.

I, of course, postponed his party (but it doesnt look like it will be happening...we will just have to do it next year, hope he still likes pirates!) But my sweet little boy's world just got rocked. No one had done a quarantined birthday, so I had to make it up as I went. It was a very rainy day which was a bummer. But I had Jace make Nash a big breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and eggs (his favorites!), we downloaded new video games for him and Jace and I played for a LONG while, I made his birthday signs of course, we gave him his new bat early and we went to a park (before those were shut down) and played for hours! We visited Papa at work (through a window), got neds to go for lunch (you could only do to go from places!) We then got Barros to go for dinner and went to gramma and papa's house (before we quarantined for good) to open presents. I made his chocolate with chocolate cake and we had a good time.

(going to bed, last night of being 5!)

(Ned's at the park on a cold and rainy quarantined day!)

(He was SO pumped to be in coach pitch...before all of this and before baseball was cancelled, we bought him a bat of his own for his birthday. We broke it in with batting practice!)

(He kept calling himself a "slugger!" It was adorable.)

(Before we started staying away from Gramma and Papa's house...he had to celebrate his special day with them and pizza!)

(Some of his "loot"! Lots of books, legos, flashcards, math games, shark stuff...it all helped to keep him entertained and doing homeschool stuff during quarantine!)

He said he loved his birthday, and I really hope he did.

He is my very best thing. I love that kid so much and I hope he always knows that.

I am your biggest fan and supporter Nash! You are smart and kind, you love hard, you are so inquisitive, you want everyone to be your friend, you have a great imagination, you love your family, and you always try your best! All fantastic qualities!! Being your mom is my favorite thing I've ever done! Dont you forget that you are my BFF forever!! xoxoxo

Nashisms as of late

I had Nash with me running a million errands yesterday and I wanted to write some of these nashisms down before I forgot. Hes such a stinking funny kid.

(Nash pretending at Best Buy while I was waiting for Geek Squad)
N: "Momma! There is an insurance guy in that chair (it was empty) and he wants me to come work for him and sell insurance! No way I'm doing that!"

(Nash seeing the Home Depot sign)
N: "its HOME DEPOT!!
Me: yep, its the de-POT.
N: Ugh, momma, the T is in SILENCE!! (of course meaning the T is silent. ha)"

(We went up to the cabin just me, jace and nash and nash was kicking my seat and making loud noise for the sake of making noise)
Me: Nash! For the millionth time!! Please stop hitting my seat! (sidenote: i totally understand why my dad was always so mad I put my feet on his chair for all those years!)
Jace: Yeah son, please stop making noise too.
Nash: um....but WHY! (more noise)
Me: We will put your seat all the way in the back dude.
Nash: well I'll just annoy you by talking back there too.

(Nash getting up from a 'rest' today)
Nash: "Momma, you are my friend, you are beautiful, and I love you."

Nash: "MOMMA! we havent played this game yet. its just been sitting here for days and nights."

Nash turns FIVE!

Holy cow. I have a FIVE year old!? How did that happen?!

Nash feels very grown up and gosh dang, he kind of is.

He went to the doctor for his well visit and he is doing so amazing. Our doctor is the best too. He always likes to take me back to the day he met us right after nash was born. Nash was 4 lbs and 4+ weeks early. He had such horrible colic, and reflux. He couldnt latch and so I pumped and pumped some more. My life revolved around making food for nash and feeding him. Slowly Nash gained weight. Then he was allergic to my breastmilk and it was too hard to keep pumping. He ended up on hospital grade formula $$$. Through this all, Nash kept growing. I taught him sign language. He excelled verbally. He kept growing. Doctor Guthrie always praises both me and nash when we see him and I could just cry every time. I feel complete validation that I did EVERYTHING I could.

Nash now is in the 70th (ish) percentile for Height and 43rd for weight. He is hitting about 49% for his head. We were told that he basically was perfect. I would have to agree.

He is still pretty skinny. He needs 4T shorts still, but because of how tall he is he has to have 5T Jeans (with a pull waist) and he has graduated to 4/5 (xs) shirts in the big kids section. He still has trouble with his bowels and so he gets Miralax to help about 1 time a week. He graduated from his preschool class last week and HAS LEARNED SO MUCH! He has been struggling with cutting things out, but is doing so much better. He knows his letters and numbers, loves to count and is starting to sound out words! I signed him up for kindergarten back in January and he will start at Franklin East in August! He has another season of swim lessons starting in May with Miss Jennifer and hopefully he will learn to master floating and diving. He does really well with swimming himself. His favorite character on Mario is Luigi, his favorite ninja turtle is Donatello, his favorite super hero is Iron Man. His favorite color is Red. His favorite animal is a Lion and "sea animal" is a Shark or Alligator. His favorite stuffed animal is still his "pinkie baby" kitty cat. His favorite sport is baseball or kicking a soccer ball. He loves being at Grandma and Papa's house. He builds with Legos and still loves shooting Nerf guns everywhere. He LOVES to copy his cousin Corbin. He misses his cousins Jane and Sammi in California. He loves cars (hot wheels) and his train table still. He loves being outside with other people. He gets bored real quick by himself. He's been asking for a sibling for about 6 months--hopefully we can give him good news about that sooner than later. He has the best little singing voice and has a natural talent for music and especially for matching pitch. He has some friends in the neighborhood that he loves to play with--Shawn Kerrigan, Calvin Montague, Mason Davis, Brody Brooks, and Jeddy Hewson.

Nash loves doing family dates with momma and dad. He loves going to "cat fats" for glo-golf and arcade games. He LOVES pizza--still his favorite food. Strawberries and Apples are his go to snacks. He finally is starting to eat other things, its been a LONG road to get to this point. HA! He especially loves getting to go to restaurants. He likes to pick Applebees, Olive Garden, and Barros--and he keeps asking to go to a buffet. So funny.

He still loves to read (or rather be read to), and we got the N64 up and running and now he loves to play family games like Mario Party or Mario Cart.

We sure love our Nash man and cant imagine our life without him. He's our little miracle!!!

Goings on

Its MARCH!

Yay! and also how?

I thought i'd give an update here on our life ATM (at the moment). I was doing my first treatment after surgery and my ovaries OVER-reacted (get it? ha. i gotta find the humor or I'd just cry--which dont get me wrong, I totally did). I ended up with 11 or 12 follicles measuring at a 10 or higher. Which could mean that when we triggered ovulation I could get pregnant with many many babies. My doctor ran the percentages and deemed it unsafe for me so he canceled that cycle. That was a serious blow.

I have been in serious "get all this crap out of my life. it is junking it up, making me feel claustrophobic, and in my way". This happens about twice a year and I seem to be right on schedule. March and October. When I had nash and when i announced his presence to the world. Coincidence? So I've been purging. I'm sure I can do more too. Right now I'm working on the garage and getting anything baby related out and checked (its been 5 years, i mean....) Plus the 3rd bedroom we have is supposed to be a baby's room...so I'm getting that space figured. If you build it, they will come maybe?

My cousin Julie is pregnant with twins (courtesy of my fertility doctor). They are her 4th and 5th from him. She has all girls and one of the twins is a boy. So i'm going to go through all of nash's baby clothes and donate some to her. So now I've pulled them all out of the garage and it seems like a seriously daunting task. I'm going to convince my mom to help me.

Nash's 5th birthday is this month! I cant believe he is FIVE. Wow. My little guy isnt so little anymore. He asked me the other day to help teach him to be a grown up. ::ugly crying:: please never leave me. Ha.

He gets to have his first ever friend party. He chose the theme...MARIO! (But Luigi is his favorite for some unknown reason). I'm working on getting it figured out....

I have Taxes coming up and I stress the crap out because I'm the one who puts them together and I have to do it for my business too. Yeesh.

I found out a few days ago that my best friend Troy's dad passed away very unexpectedly. He went to bed and never woke up. That has been hard. The funeral is tomorrow.

That is pretty much us right now. Fertility, Nash, Cleaning, etc.

Nash-isms as of late

This kid is SUCH  a freaking crack up.

I never want him to grow up dangit.

Some of his more funny sayings from ONE sunday evening at my parents house:



(while playing cards with the grown ups)"Momma, you need pacific (specific) cards!"

"Dont worry, I'm gonna read the constructions (instructions)".

"Jace: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR THE LAST 30 MINTUES?!"
"Nash: (so innocently) I ate 2 green beans!"

"When you have a heart attack, your heart explodes momma".

"Me: Say it higher...
Nash: ...higher."

"Papa isnt too old....hes still kind of new."

(Singing "Be what i believe" a song for the primary program) "Like Nephi versavere!" (persevere)

"Finding Joy"

So for the past year and a half the word JOY has been on my mind. I've got pages of quotes and scriptures and talks I've been reading on the subject.

When i made our fummer list, one of my goals was to "find joy".

When i got my new calling as a primary teacher and I was set apart, in the prayer they specifically mentioned that "i would find joy in this calling".

I found a sign last month to add to a gallery wall in my family room that says "choose joy".

And yesterday my mom found this quote and gave it to me. I loved it so much I made it into a printable. (feel free to save and use!)

(8x10)

I'm finding myself getting agitated easily, and losing my cool multiple times a day. I've been struggling with finding joy in my life. Nash has been needing SO MUCH attention and interaction, which I try to give him, but apparently its not enough because oi. We keep working towards paying off our debt (3 credit cards GONE this summer BTW) and working towards Jace's next promotion, and needing a new car...all that jazz. It gets exhausting and overwhelming. I also am so frustrated that I'm not pregnant. Getting Nash a sibling keeps seeming like a never ending and disappointing journey. My "best friend" basically stopped keeping in touch a year or 2 ago. My other friend who I would consider my best friend, is a GUY and he and his family moved to Washington. I feel really alone on that front. I keep thinking of all the things that aren't happening in my life and my family's lives and it makes me SO SAD. 

I feel like I go so long without saying anything or talking through things that I sometimes explode on my 4 year old--that is so not fair. My sister in law Jamie, posted this video of Elder Holland and Jace and I both sobbed through it. Good grief I need to be better.

Nash will be starting preschool in 2 weeks for 3 days a week for 2.5 hours on those days. I think it will be a marvelous break for both of us. It will give him the interaction with other kids and his teacher is an absolute ANGEL. And for me...not only will it give me time during the day to work and not feel guilt for working while Nash "needs" me, but I think it will give me the opportunity to rediscover ME as a person...not as a business owner, or a mom, or a wife....but me. I used to have a fantastic relationship with myself and with my Heavenly Father (not saying I dont have a relationship with Him--but it is NOT what it used to be)....and that quote from President Nelson kind of smacked me in the face.

I dont know. I wish I was more eloquent, but I just wanted to say that I'm trying. I'm trying to find the joy in my life again, even if its not what I had hoped for at this time. 

I love my husband, I love my family, I love my nash so much, I love my home, and I love my Heavenly Father. And so this entry isnt so depressing here are a couple of pictures for you to see of my cute boy and his kitty cat. :)

Fummer 2018

FUMMER is here!!!

This year, I added some more things, but still on my quest to not stress myself out too much.

I'm excited because there are a few things on there that I've wanted to do for a long time AND because one of them will impact our lives forever! (adopting a kitten).

And once again, these are more "big ticket items" and more have been added in with pencil, but you get the idea. I cant believe this is my last summer with Nash before he starts school (pre-school mind you, but still!) He is growing up too fast and my time is seeming to slip away!! That is SO unfair how that happens!!

Fummer 2017

Nash is growing up by the day. The day, people! Lol

Last year I made a list of like 10 things we were going to do/wanting to do for the summer. He had no idea what that was, so it was mostly for me.

This year he understands quite a bit more.

So I created our "Fummer" (Fun/summer) list for 2017.

Initially I just did our "big ticket items" on the printed out list...

then I printed a second copy and started writing in the available spaces. 

What I'm super excited about it that I'm working really hard to accomplish all of these by September (End of "summer" for most people...)

And so far we've done 5, and are halfway through another 4.

((edited to add: by the end of September we accomplished everything on that list except the secret project and teaching nash to ride his bike. Plus we had a whole slew of other things we did and accomplished as well))

Thats huge for me. I never ever want my kids summer to be so packed FULL of things that I want them to do, or that we HAVE to do, that they dont have lazy days--or we always feel stressed-- or i feel guilty if we didnt do something. My kids might never be in summer classes (other than swim lessons) and I've decided that I'm 100% okay with that.

You only get to be a kid once, and I think that as grown ups/parents we are so busy trying to make them have happy memories that we cause more issues than creating wonderful moments. I see so many people stressing out because all 4 of their kids have something going at the same time, and they need to pack for the vacation they are leaving on tomorrow, and they feel like they need to do 1000 crafts with their kids but also want their house semi cleaned, and then they feel overwhelmed and stressed....

I dont think it worth that. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I already put a crap ton of pressure on myself and feel guilt and overwhelmed doing little things; like going to swim lessons at the same time everyday for a month and going to the library 2 times a month. I cant overload with some unnecessary things just because its summer and I need my kids to be involved and active in everything, everyday or because I allow myself to compare myself to other moms who seem to be doing it all and with great ease. I just cant.

Just my 2 cents.

So, I'm excited for our Fummer of 2017, as relaxed as it may be :)

Pet People

I have about 5 blog posts in drafts and 1 in my head.

I'm in a deep funk and finishing them is just not a priority.

However, as we have hit a new milestone in our lives, I figured I'd hurry and share.

We are now pet owners!

Meet Thor. The neediest, cuddliest, cutest part Siamese kitten we adopted from our neighbors!

I promise I have tons of video of Nash and Jace with him too--but they are on my phone transferring to Dropbox as I type.

When we got married we had beta fish at the reception. We kept 2 and my parents kept 2 (we didnt think it through before we did it! lol) I tried with all my stinking might to keep those guys alive. And I failed. I dont even understand it.

Then in 2011/2012? Jace was feeling the push to get a pet. We both worked long hours and were in an apartment...so he decided we needed a robo hamster. You guys. Jace never took care of that thing. And it was the size of my thumb. A cute thing to look at but thats all it was good for. Then I was the only one taking care of it and they only are supposed to live 2-3 years. Pepper Potts got sickly and died close to having her for 2.5 years.

We have now lived in our home for 3 years and we have a 4 year old. You would have thought we would have a pet by now (no more fish or rodents for me!) and jace wasnt keen on the idea of a cat. But every time we thought about a dog, I just didnt have a good feeling--its just not the time. Plus nash loves dogs from far away and not so much up close. He LOVES cats.

So when our neighbors had kittens, we started seriously talking about it. Then they said they had a white one and I've always dreamed of a white cat with blue eyes. So without seeing him we said we would take him. When we finally got over there to see him...I was surprised to find that he was a Siamese!! Still pretty and has beautiful blue eyes.

Its been an adjustment. I've been putting him in the laundry room (which is quite large) at night so I dont have to worry about accidents (working on litter training still) or our couches getting scratched up or our sleep being disturbed. He hasnt loved it. About 5 AM he starts crying and it wakes me up, but he wants to PLAY and there is just no way that is happening. lol

We have swim lessons in the mornings and I feel guilty about leaving him locked up again, so yesterday he went and played at my parents and today my brother came to play with him. LOL I'm ridiculous.

We keep calling him..."her". Hopefully we will get the hang of that.

And Nash is learning responsibility of being in charge of playing with him some.

Pray that I get the hang of this and Thor mellows a bit. :)

Still alive over here

Well...happy new year, happy valentines day, happy st. patricks day, happy birthday to Nash, happy conference, and happy Easter! LOL

Thats all gone down since I wrote last...AT CHRISTMAS. Goodness me.

I still have those blog posts in draft. FYI.



We have been in the thick of life over here. I'm still posting some on my Instagram and Facebook, but I've cut WAY WAY WAY back on that too.


I'm struggling to find balance in my life. Balance in my home life, balance with technology, balance as a working mom. Nash will be starting pre-school this year and while I'm doing cartwheels (figuratively, because...DIZZY) somedays, other days I want to bawl my eyes out at how fast he is growing up.


He asked me yesterday why I get sad that he is growing up. The fact that he asked that question was actually the answer! How? How did this happen so fast?


Work is good--again, the balance thing.


Jace has taken on a second job M-S! :(  Our goal is to pay down our credit card debt ASAP. My brother and his wife bought us tickets to Dave Ramsey's Smart Money Tour last year and while we arent 100% insanely on board....we pretty much have been converted and have been working hard to change our present, so our future is 100% OURS to decide on. And the future of our son is that he will see how hard we worked to get out of debt and STAY out of debt and the goal is to pass that on to him.

We have had our fair share of sickness since Christmas too. Mostly me. Dang crappy immune system.



And I'm still at a loss over our continued infertility. I feel so alone and sad most of the time. I have no one to talk to and everytime I come on here thinking I might say what I'm feeling, I get all in my head about what people will say. So then I dont, and I continue feeling sad and alone.

Good times.



Anyways, just wanted to say we are still here....still alive....just living and working and growing old. :)

Heart

Tonight my heart hurts and my eyes brim with tears.

I am longing for another little one to join our family.

I cry while holding my Nash...he is getting so big, so grown up, so fast.

I feel that I am not done having children.

I fear that my window is closing.

I long for the day that I can give Nash a sibling. He would love that so much. A buddy.

Infertility is the worst.

Loving each other

We've been having some things going on in our family. Its still difficult to put into words as we are in the midst of it still--I'm sure I will share later.

But its caused Jace and I to be a bit more affectionate to one another.

Nash has noticed.

Tonight when Jace hugged and kissed me before he left to work (it was a decent kiss--not just a peck like normal), Nash said, "OH!!!!!! They are loving each other!!" in this sing-song-y voice.

Jace and I started cracking up immediately.

It was adorable.

The end.

Nash is 3!

I dont know how it happened.

But another year has come and gone and my baby is older.

I sat tonight and told him the story of a girl who wanted to be a mommy. And her wish finally came true. And the best part? He was the happy ending to that story!

I am feeling so many feelings. Ive been pretty bogged down with life stuff and the lead up to Nash's birthday and it will be...lets say minimal. I'm not doing a theme or a big party or anything like that. We are having family over for cake and presents and during the day we will be taking Nash to do some of his favorite things. We'll get barros pizza for lunch (his favorite), go to the splash pad/play in the water/play on the playground, and maybe go to the library and get more books. I'm sure there will be Rescue Bots, or Curious George watched at some point, and maybe watching daddy mow the lawn.

I made our annual birthday signs...some the same every year, with new funny ones relating to jokes or favorite shows over the last year. This year is a mish mash. :) Mario Cart, Star Wars, Phineas and Ferb, Moana, etc.

This sweet boy is a constant joy. He really is. He has his moments for sure--and he definitely doesnt give me any space or time to myself which can be hard and annoying at times. But my goodness. This little PERSON. This sweet spirit was sent to me from my Heavenly Father. I longed for the day when someone would call me momma and want to be around me all the time. I begged and pleaded for that day to come. I will never ever take for granted the huge blessing and wonderful miracle that Nash is in my life.

There were times over the last couple of years that I didnt know how I was going to make it...and Nash was the answer. He was the driving force in me to keep pushing on. To keep trying harder. Nash is mimicking all the time now (copying like no ones business--and his imitation of me laughing is FAR from flattering) and all I can think of is, "what is he going to say out and about? have i set a good example? will he be kind and caring, compassionate, and understanding? will he have a testimony of Christ that he would share with the world? will he be true to who he is and be open and honest?" I think these things everyday.

I have such a love for him. I really cant express it. He is my light and my joy and my everything. How glad I am that he is mine.

**a few things of note:

at age 3::

Nash copies EVERYTHING. Movies, songs, people. He picks his favorite word or phrase and will keep saying it over and over.

Nash will stay on repeat of the same statement or question until someone acknowledges him. Its highly annoying when his dad is home because Jace can tune him out completely.

Nash loves to play chase with his Papa (my dad) and Jace. He doesnt get to see them as much and he knows that this game will ensure all their attention on him.

Nash loves my dad. He loves my parents house. He constantly asks to go to "grammas house" and see "papas van" and "bebe".

Sleeps with "blanket" and "mr. peddypaws/gnocchi/Figuero" It changes depending on what shows he watches. lol (rescue bots/curious george/mickey mouse)

He loves to watch Tom and Jerry, Mickey Mouse, Thomas the Train, Rescue Bots, Little Eisensteins, An Extremely Goofy Movie, Phineas and Ferb, and Curious George on rotation.

He saw his first movie theater movie Moana and LOVES having it here at home. We've watched it at least 10 times in 11 days. His favorite songs are the voyagers song, your welcome, and shiney. We have the soundtrack in the car and have to listen to shiny at least twice every drive.

He wants to help with things. His new skill is helping to crack the eggs for his breakfast! He also likes to help sweep...even if he doesnt have the coordination for that yet. He also will help carry in groceries and when we are done with the cart, with mommas help he puts it back. He can throw stuff away if I ask him to (and hes only thrown 1 bowl in the garbage!) He has learned to wash his hands by himself...its not entirely clean, so I come in and help him finish, but he can do it!

We have started going potty on the toilet. We are not toilet training yet, but I feel that will come in the not too distant future. He likes to get stickers and how excited we get when he goes. In fact, he'll come in when i go to the bathroom and say "you did it momma!" ha!

Had our first real talk about private parts and why momma's are different than Nashs. (Showers dont happen for momma during the day unless Nash comes in with me.)

He is tall and skinny. He is officially too tall for the ergo backpack (i tried! and failed)

He still adores outside time. Its now in the 90s so swimming isnt too far off. He is signed up for legit swim lessons this summer with the woman who taught ME!

He is a great sport when I have to work. He knows when i drop him off at my parents that I'm working. He looks at me and says "you taking pictures momma?" and when I say yes, he says "okay do good!"

He worries about others. If someone coughs, he asks if they are okay. If they sneeze, he says bless you. My brother Randy will seize and Nash asks if he is okay and apologizes that randy is hurt.

He is so sensitive. I hope he never loses that.

and he loves. He loves everyone. He makes new friends (young and old) where ever we go.

His smile lights up a room. His laugh is contagious. His spirit shines so bright.

These last 3 years have been so amazing. I cant remember what my life looked like without Nash in it. I sure am grateful to be his mother. Happy Birthday my sweet little man!!

Here are some from his 3 year photo shoot....its getting much harder to keep him still! lol

December 2016 and Christmas 2016

We had a hectic December. We were so so so busy with work that it was hard to find time to do all that I wanted us to.

I got my beautiful tree up a few days after Thanksgiving and we got started on our lights. Jace was working more and so it felt like it took forever, but once we did get them up we were so happy!! Nash especially.

Anytime Nash saw Christmas lights he exclaimed "CHRISTMAS!!!!!!" His enthusiasm helped get us in the spirit.

Lights were a bit slow go-ing at our house since I was the main person doing them and I was working a ton. Nash had been terrified of my parent's halloween and thanksgiving blowups, so we thought we'd let him pick out our blow up and maybe he would love it. Well, he did love it, but he was also terrified of it. Good grief little boy!

My neighbor gifts this year!! I saw all of this soap on sale at Frys and knew this would be something fun and easy to give! I loved it!!

I bought new metallic wrapping paper this year and basically fell in love with my packages.

My house all done on the outside!! Next year we'll have bushes under the windows and a few more lights in the tree, but I think we've nailed it! It was the most lit house on the street!

Our Card this year. I took our family pictures once again and once again i was super stressed out. Maybe we'll have a cute one of us taken randomly during the year where there isnt any stress and use that for next years card!!

Nash has been so fun this Holiday season. I worked REALLY hard with him to say Merry Christmas to everyone as we left somewhere. I made him watch all the fun Christmas movies (grinch, smurfs, Rudolf, alvin and the chipmunks, night before christmas, he-man she-ra christmas, frosty the snowman, and a few others I grew up with, as well as Elf and White Christmas). He never wanted to watch them, but would sit enthralled during the show and then ask to watch them over and over, especially Grinch.

He and I read Christmas books all December and we sang Christmas songs everyday in the car, and in the bath especially. He learned Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman, and Rudolf and sings them everyday.

Speaking of singing, in December, Nash started singing when he woke up which told me he was ready to get out of bed. It was so much nicer than him yelling "momma! rescue me!" Ha!

I finally got him to see Santa. He didnt really care about seeing him....he cared about going on the "roller coaster" (aka the merry go round). :)

We held our Christmas Party (of course I didnt take ANY pictures!) and my house has NEVER been so clean. Not since we moved in. I spent 2 solid weeks decorating and cleaning to get it ready. It was fun to have people over to our home. Other than family, we havent had anyone to our home in almost 2 years of living here!! So crazy.

Out of everyone in my family, we were the only 3 (plus my mom) to not get sick! It was a bummer for everyone and we had to be really careful with Randy, but it was nice to not be sick on Christmas this year.

Christmas Eve and Day were different for us--Jace's family were all up in Flagstaff and so we had lazy days!! IT WAS SO NICE!! There was no stress and no rush. I loved it. We celebrated Melanie's birthday on the 24th and then had our family program--jace and I sung Christmas Hallelujiah again, joe sung oh holy night, we all sang starbright, melanie performed her poem, and the kids sung jingle bells. Then they opened their Christmas eve gifts from gamma and papa and jammies from moms and dads.

Since Christmas was on a Sunday this year, we decided to do our Christmas breakfast for dinner (jeff and melanie had 830 church). So we woke up, opened presents, watched a show, went to church, napped, and then I made fresh squeezed OJ and homemade biscuits! (They came out so good!) Went to mom and dads and had brinner and then opened gifts. Went home happy and tired and grateful for a great Christmas!

Mr and Mrs Santa Claus as we finished putting together Nash's Christmas!

Santa left Nash a tool bench with tools and a Swing car. He basically didnt care about anything else.

Jace's favorite movie apparently. After 7 years he has changed his mind on that multiple times. LOL so I made sure to get the "latest" in his favorite movie lineup.

Lightsaber Chopsticks. I couldnt not.

A leaf blower!! Our yard is always messy because Jace hates sweeping after he mows the lawn! Now he doesnt have to sweep and I have a nice looking yard! Win win!!

Believe me...he was stoked about those cars.

And his own gun! Too bad the trigger is a little hard for his 3 year old fingers to pull.

All day Christmas and everyday since. That boy loves his cars.

I picked out a new flash for my camera--thanks santa ;)

Jace surprised me with my gift. Last year my IPOD got stolen (super sad since it was one my parent gave me in the early 2000s that was engraved! and it had all my favorite music on it) and its been a bummer. He found a refurbished one--and redownloaded all my previous music (most of it anyways-- thank goodness for Itunes and still being on our old computer!!) I was not expecting it!

Always.

He finally put down his other cars and his tools long enough to play on his car. He couldnt figure it out for awhile...but after 2 weeks he started cruising all over the house! He calls it his "Mario Cart".

We have spent alot of time together--Jace had PTO for the last week of December and first week of January and so I took time off work too. We've done alot of playing and resting, watching movies, going to the park, and organizing our house!

We took down our lights and tree today on January 2nd and Nash is completely distraught. He started quoting the grinch who stole christmas to me as I took down the tree!! and when he saw us packing up the blowups and lights he said "why are you taking my christmas!!!???"

Its been a great and busy end to 2016 and we are really excited for 2017 and the plethora of things we hope to happen and accomplish this next year!!