Covid19

I've been thinking about, processing, dealing with, etc for now 12 weeks about the novel coronavirus--covid19.

TWELVE WEEKS. 3 months.

That is how long I've had Nash home 24/7. That is how long we have been in "quarantine".

My mother keeps saying that I need "to write it all down. my kids and grandkids will want to know." but honestly, its felt so very overwhelming I didnt know where to start. And honestly, I still dont. There is so much that wont be said...mostly because its been so much that I cant remember it all.

A short breakdown: A horrible virus "escaped" from a lab in Wuhan China. Chinese officials lied about how many got sick and how many were dying. The WHO also didnt report real numbers. This virus attacks the respiratory system and especially in those with weakened immune systems, or those who have pre-existing conditions. However, it doesnt care who it infects. The elderly, men, women, children....healthy, pre-existing conditions, what have you. So many thousands have died. It has affected so many different nations.

The world as a whole was on lockdown trying to slow the spread of this virus.

Our president shut down our borders, no one in or out.

We were asked to stay in our homes and quarantine. Businesses were shut down, doors locked. Unless you were essential...thankfully Jace works for the bank...which was essential. We were not left without income. However, my photography business was shuttered for 2 months. I'm just barely getting it back up and running. Jace was now working from home...to make sure we werent being exposed.

We have my parents and randy especially who would not survive if he contracted this. We have been very careful.

I had a sinus infection and needed to get antibiotics from my doctor at the start of all this. I was asked to wear a mask (we all were later on), wait in my car while they prepared a special room for me, I was taken in a back door to avoid everyone else ::in case:: my symptoms were that of covid. They werent....it was a sinus infection.

You were/are still supposed to be shopping once a week. One person in a mask, once a week to limit exposure. People freaked out and bought everything. It was hard to find food and supplies for almost 2 months. Now we know why our church leaders have been telling us to have a supply of food on hand...a year is best, but at minimum a 3 month supply. I was doing the shopping for my family and my parents so they didnt have exposure. Milk was limited to 1 gallon a person (if you could find it). The stores 3 months later are just starting to have bleach and toilet paper on their shelves. They still arent stocked but they are starting to be signs of things coming back. Cleaning supplies, hand sanitizer, frozen foods, meat, bread, milk, eggs, and ANY paper goods--plates, TP, paper towels, etc, FLOUR, sugar, salt, rice....all of that has been GONE. I have been lucky and found some TP here and there....finally found some flour at costco and some rice at Frys. Everything has been piece meal. It has been truly crazy.

Through the craziness of the food shortage...I never felt panic though. We had enough. We would be okay. And we have been. Its all about having Faith over Fear. I have trusted in my Heavenly Father and we have been blessed.

I have been doing my best to reach out and minister to our families. I have been baking bread and sharing it.

We planted a garden with our tax return this year. It happened right after quarantine. We have been wanting to and this got our butts in gear. We have already harvested some radishes. We have a head of lettuce growing, a couple of carrots, radishes, some sweet peas, some broccoli, some bell pepper plants (with one pepper), a cherry tomato plant, and some watermelon. It has been trial and error and I think i've finally figured it out. We installed a drip system and its nice to not have to go out and water twice a day. Nash planted some flowers from seeds and they are starting to bloom. He is over the moon.

(planted March 31st 2020)

(planted March 31st 2020)

School was cancelled immediately. I became a homeschool mom with someone elses curriculum. The school adjusted as best as possible with online learning. It was trippy. We would go get lunch a couple days a week at the school, even though we couldnt get out of the car or see anyone really, it was a chance to get out of the house. I cried one of the times I got to go get some groceries for pick up. I miss having anytime of quiet now.

(our homeschool set up)

My anxiety has been up and down and up and down. Through all of this though, I have been honest with Nash in the simplest way without adding fear. He understands that he cant see his friends, or go to school, go to church, play coach pitch, go to his singing class, or even hang out at his grandparents, because we want to keep everyone as safe as possible. He knows that this virus is killing people. He knows that momma and daddy want him safe and healthy.

All of our temples and church houses were closed. What a weird and scary time. We had General Conference at home broadcasted as usual, but the only people allowed during conference were those speaking. The music was pre-recorded. The brethren were sitting 6 feet apart in social distancing standards. President Nelson announced a new symbol for our church. And new temples. And his love and faith that everything will be okay.  We also got to participate in a Hosanna Shout. Nash's first. And we were invited to participate in a WORLD WIDE fast. <3 nbsp="" p="">

We have been able to have Sacrament meeting in our home and that has been special. I hope Nash always remembers that. All missionaries were sent back to their home countries. Some are finally getting reassigned within their home countries.

My business was able to officially open March 18th with new policies due to covid19.
Some businesses arent open yet in the country. Everyone is having to open in phases.

Schools for Arizona announced yesterday that they will reopen in the fall, but there will be major changes. We are supposed to hear what that means in June. I am nervous.

Nash asked when we will get back to normal. I told him that we will never go back to what was his normal. Things will be new. We will deal with and adapt as best as we can.

My fertility doctor called and since Arizona is opening things up, we can resume with our IVF plans. Its happening and its scary and we are in a scary time, but I'm not waiting. Faith over Fear. Its been our motto and will continue to be so.

10 years

Jace and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this month. We had started talking about what we would do for the occasion in January when we restarted fertility treatments. We realized that if the treatments were successful (which we had completely believed they would be) I would have either just had a baby or would be hugely pregnant for our anniversary. So honestly, we hadn't planned anything.

Month after month after month of treatments--medications mostly--and my body just wouldn't cooperate. We grew increasingly frustrated and sad. I ended up in a state of depression...functioning but starting to feel hollow. I've had depression before--brought on by postpartum and Jace's addiction. But I also knew that I couldn't take medication while I was doing treatments. So I just kept powering through the disappointment.

In June, we realized that things weren't working...I was at the end of my rope and we had vacations coming up so we paused treatment. As my body weaned off the drugs, I felt a lot better and more like myself. I always forget how awful all the fertility medication makes me feel. While on vacation my body started bleeding heavily and didn't stop for over a month--I finally had to get a shot to make it stop. It was supposed to restart (due to the shot) and we would start treatment back up. I waited another month (Nash started school and IT.WAS.ROUGH.) so I decided I wasn't in a giant hurry.

During all this time, I realized that we hadn't planned anything special for our anniversary because we thought we would be getting someone special with pregnancy. We decided to be impulsive (a bit) and splurge (a lot) and do something I've always wanted and neither of us has done. We purchased non-refundable tickets and booked a nonrefundable hotel to BOSTON! I bought Amtrak tickets for our actual anniversary to go to MAINE to see the Atlantic ocean (my first time!) I was completely panicked at the thought and had to work logistics with my mother who was going to be taking care of Nash for us.

During this time I finally made another appointment with the fertility doctor and we moved forward again with treatment. We had 2 follicles that looked on track to trigger and if all worked out I would've been pregnant while on our trip. Right before we were to leave, I started inescapably bleeding...and my cycle was canceled. We decided to be done with fertility for the year. Our trip came at a really good time...It helped take our minds off of all that crap.

We left on a Sunday at 7 AM and got to Boston at 5 PM. We had so much to do and see and it was so exciting. Our hotel was literally ON the Boston Harbor--like where the Boston Tea Party was. Blew my mind. We walked all around and ended up going for Pizza in the North End to Regina's. It was a long wait and crazy crowded, but it was also good pizza! We walked back to the hotel and took a cab to a target to get 2 things (we ended up with more like every target trip!) I needed bubble bath for the soaker tub at the hotel and kerig hot chocolate cups! We also grabbed Pepsi (the east coast loves their coke products) and some snacks. We went back to the hotel and watched TV until we passed out.

Monday we slept in a little (for Boston time anyways) got up and got ready to WALK ALL DAY LONG. We walked around the harbor and down to the Boston commons and walked the freedom trail. We saw so many beautiful buildings, and fall colors starting, we saw Paul revere's statue and the old north church, we had lunch and grabbed some pastries at Mike's and relaxed for a bit back at the hotel. We then walked to the South train station and then bus station to find this sandwich shop that one of Randy's paramedics suggested. It was alright. :) We then walked around and found this cute Irish pub and went in for the live music they had going and some cake and ice cream. Our waitress was SO Irish...asking us if we wanted "a wee little something"...made me want to let her know that I'm part Irish!! Fun fact, Nash's name is a family name of mine and the Nash's (it was a surname) came from Ireland!

Tuesday was our Anniversary. I got us up at 7 Boston time (4 our time!) and we hightailed it to the North train station to make it to our 8 am train to Maine! We grabbed hot chocolates and bagels at Dunkin (on EVERY street corner!) and waited to board. Jace slept the whole 2.5 hours on the train but I didnt want to miss everything, I'm glad I didn't sleep because we went through all of New Hampshire and FALL WAS EVERYWHERE!!! The colors were amazing! We finally made it to Portland Maine and went to the Port Head Lighthouse---it was so beautiful! The ocean was...an ocean. But always beautiful ha! The weather was so freaking amazing too. We stopped at a little food truck (Bite into Maine) that our uber driver said had the best "LOBSTAH rolls" and that is what Jace was waiting for. He got one of those, I grabbed a "wicked simple grilled cheese" and we picnicked on the shore of the ocean. So fun. After awhile we grabbed another uber to Old Port where there were lots of shops and restaurants....mostly bars. We relaxed in a park and enjoyed the weather, and headed down to the docks to take videos for Nash. We hung out until we needed to get back to the train. Our ride was uneventful back to Boston but took longer than planned...and even though we ran back to our hotel, up to our room, changed, and ubered as fast as possible to the fancy restaurant we had reservations at, we were 5 min late and they gave away our spot. We found another way too expensive restaurant and ate there, then went back to top of the hub for dessert and live jazz music. It was 53 floors up and had awesome panoramic views of the city. The night ended a bit of a bummer, but the day was great.

Wednesday we slept in. We both were so sore and tired that we didn't care to move! We had to switch rooms, so we did that and then ubered to Belmont to where the temple is. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SETTING!!! Oh man. The temple was beautiful. We planned to be there for a short time, but they needed help, so we served for a lot longer than we planned. We actually served with a couple from down the street from our home in Mesa!!! What are the odds?!

We got back to Boston and decided to do dinner in Little Italy at Giacomo's--which was our favorite restaurant of the trip! It was so packed that we shared a table with a gal from Atlanta *Amber* who was by herself. It was a pleasant evening, and MAN the food was good. We walked down the street to Mike's pastry again and grabbed more cannolis and a Lobster tail. We took the "long" way home and found a green space park with swings--we hung out there for awhile. We saw rats for the first time in the city while we were there...so weird. We made hot chocolate and went out to drink it by the Harbor when it started raining on us!

Thursday was our last day. We took our time getting ready. It was supposed to be pouring rain all day, but it was just overcast and windy and drizzled a little. We left our bags with the bell hop and went to Quincy Market for lunch and to hang out until we needed to get to the airport. Jace got hot "clam chowdah" in a bread bowl and I grabbed some Mediterranean. We walked around a gigantic Christmas shop and then had to leave. I was struck with the worst migraine I had ever experienced and had to deal with it and nausea for the whole 8.5 hours home. We got in to Phoenix around 830 and grabbed Nash and took him home. Jace had work the next day, and I had to get Nash to school and be "mother helper". Friday was a rough one!

I'm so glad that Jace and I were able to take this trip. It was a whirlwind for sure, and there are some things that I wish we had more time to do but we were able to reconnect, forget about some of the hard things for a few days, and just be. We need to do that more. Maybe not on such a grand scale, but more for sure!