You know how i was so sick over Christmas and never seemed to get better?? You also remember how i never went to the doctor because...well...i just didn't?? ..And my husband thought i was over- reacting.
Well about 2 weeks ago i noticed that i was having trouble breathing...and it hurt to cough or sneeze. Last Monday (my day off from school) I had two Dr. appointments. One was for the ultrasound techs.... and no, no baby my friends. Then i left there to go over to my doctor. She thought i had a partially collapsed lung. That being said...insert freak out here.
So i had to go wait for FOREVER to get a chest xray. And they called back 2 days later saying it was normal and they didn't know what to tell me. awesome...not. I go to school for the next couple of days...and then on Friday i made the mistake of sneezing. You see, i heard a pop, and the pain literally took me to my knees---they sent me home to go to the ER.
Jace came home immediately from work and we spent the rest of the day doing more xrays, blood tests, breathing treatments, etc. All just to have them say that they aren't sure what is causing the pain. The best they can come up with, was that i had an infection (that i never got treated) and it caused the lining of my lung and the lining of my ribcage to inflame and rub together every time i move, cough, sneeze...causing a sandpaper action. They gave me the prescription for Vicodin and rest.
and I'm still not better.
Sometimes...its hard to be a grown up all of the sudden. Working out payments for bills, work schedules, taxes, school, deciding what will be our plan when our lease is up...its exhausting. And its difficult.
Sometimes I get really frustrated with the fact that I can never keep up with the dishes.
Sometimes I feel that if i take time for myself, I'm neglecting my wifely duties.
Sometimes I feel like i argue with my husband more than we should.
Sometimes I really hate xbox.
Sometimes I miss my husband while hes at work and I'm at school. I know it could be way worse...so i need to be grateful for the time we do have.
Sometimes I miss college and wonder why i chose cosmetology.
Sometimes I really start to feel sorry for myself because I feel friendless.
Sometimes its hard being married and being away from my family. I learn everything second hand now and IF i do hear about it,its not till way late. I feel disconnected.
And sometimes its good to vent.
Sometimes its good to cry (which i seem to be doing at the drop of a hat lately)
Sometimes a silly note, or a understanding smile is all you need to pick you up and help carry you through.
Sometimes a big hug can mend what seemed like irreparable damage.
Sometimes doctors don't know what they are talking about and having your mom say so makes you feel better.
Sometimes I'm so thankful for and in love with Jace that i feel like my heart is going to explode.
Sometimes I really take all that I have for granted and realize I need to do better at being thankful.
Sometimes I try to think what i would do without the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His church and I cringe at the thought of who i would be. How grateful i am for Him.
So...my advice to myself and to others...turn that frown upside down and smile your tears away.
Lots of time that wont work...but SOMETIMES a positive attitude can change everything. I'm going to try to be more positive. Join me??