Nashisms as of late

I had Nash with me running a million errands yesterday and I wanted to write some of these nashisms down before I forgot. Hes such a stinking funny kid.

(Nash pretending at Best Buy while I was waiting for Geek Squad)
N: "Momma! There is an insurance guy in that chair (it was empty) and he wants me to come work for him and sell insurance! No way I'm doing that!"

(Nash seeing the Home Depot sign)
N: "its HOME DEPOT!!
Me: yep, its the de-POT.
N: Ugh, momma, the T is in SILENCE!! (of course meaning the T is silent. ha)"

(We went up to the cabin just me, jace and nash and nash was kicking my seat and making loud noise for the sake of making noise)
Me: Nash! For the millionth time!! Please stop hitting my seat! (sidenote: i totally understand why my dad was always so mad I put my feet on his chair for all those years!)
Jace: Yeah son, please stop making noise too.
Nash: um....but WHY! (more noise)
Me: We will put your seat all the way in the back dude.
Nash: well I'll just annoy you by talking back there too.

(Nash getting up from a 'rest' today)
Nash: "Momma, you are my friend, you are beautiful, and I love you."

Nash: "MOMMA! we havent played this game yet. its just been sitting here for days and nights."

Our Journey Part Dos....part 2 ha.

We waited for the bloodwork to reveal....we were not pregnant. The IUI failed.

ugh.

So we rounded up more money, and moved forward with another cycle.

And shots, and shots, and more shots, and hormones, and crazy things in life that happened, and so on.

Only to discover that my follicles didnt stimulate...like...at all.

ALL OF THAT MONEY AND TIME "WASTED"!

I dont remember if I shared this before or not, but EVERYTHING is out of pocket...and my hormone shots are not cheap. I felt like I had just thrown thousands of dollars into a fire and watched it burn.

Needless to say, I fell into a well of depression. I managed my life...but bare minimum. I did what I needed to for Nash, and for me to feel like I deserved HIM. But my house cleaning was neglected, I all but stopped cooking dinner for my family because I just couldnt find the energy. I stopped exercising. I had so many emotional break downs it was ridiculous. I found myself so angry. At myself and my body mostly. I was SO confused. The Lord had given us every indicator that this was the time to move forward, that it should have worked out. And it keeps NOT working out. Am I missing something? Did I not understand Him? Why wont He give me a clear answer? Have I done something wrong?

I have never been angry with God. I've never blamed Him. Still havent. I just dont understand. And I cant seem to figure out how to just keep moving forward without my heart just shattering over and over.

Nash prays for his brother to be here soon. We keep trying to explain that I'm not pregnant, but he doesnt understand. And why would he? WE barely understand.

I go off my meds again....start a period....and that is when I'd normally start all over. But I've decided to wait a little bit to talk to my doctor in person again and see what the freaking crap to do about this.

Our Journey Part Dos

This is the hashtag that I'm using to document my journey to our second baby. I had so many installations with Nash, I dont have the energy to do all of that again, so there is significantly less information I'm posting.

Steps so far in our journey:

3 IUIs that all failed in 2018 and having to stop trying when we found out I needed surgery.
Surgery.
Shots, shots, and more shots--too many follicles. Cancled cycle. Many tears.
Shots, shots, and more shots--no follicles. Canceled cycle. Many more tears.
Shots, shots, and more shots--2 follicles. IUI. Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

More waiting.

Sick with worry. Panic. Major Anxiety.