Friday, May 31, 2013

to be or not to be

to be or not to be: excited?...i have another iui coming up.

to be or not to be: nervous?...same reason.

to be or not to be: hopeful?...also same reason.

to be or not to be: getting my hopes up? I'm trying really hard not to. Its hard sometimes.

to be or not to be: scared? truth is, i'm really scared. I dont know what we are going to do if this round doesnt work. meeting with the doctor again i guess. going over our options.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

New beginnings

I've never been so excited for the weekend to be here.

This past week has been a crazy one. 

One full of commitments, a new job, stress, hormones, birthdays, graduation, parties, and moving.

My dads birthday was last Saturday. 
My in-laws mission homecoming was Sunday.
My new job started Monday
I started taking medication for the next round of fertility Monday.
Jace's birthday was Tuesday.
I was a hormonal wreck Tuesday (it was BAD.)
Wednesday we had a bday party for Jace at my parents house.
Thursday my little brother graduated from high school.
Last night we helped move my in-laws into the house they are going to be renting.

and i'm worn out.

Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically.

I cant remember the last time i was this tired.

So, on this glorious day (my day off), i decided to take a minute to write all that has been going on down. And also to say that although i AM indeed worn out and i pretty much ruined Jace's birthday, I'm glad that things are changing. And we are excited for the things the future has in store for us. 

Happy Memorial weekend everyone, we are getting up to the cabin ASAP!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Our Journey Part 12

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

"....and its not good. I'm so sorry, you aren't pregnant this month."

This nurse, Jennifer, has been the one to call me every month to let me know about my results. The poor woman. She was totally discouraged. I had talked to her earlier that day when she was drawing blood about how i was just so sure the month before...and how i fell apart when she called telling me I wasn't. I was telling her about how it was Jace this month, who was just so so so he was so anxious and almost positive it was going to happen. (if we were pregnant this month then we would have the baby before the end of the year ((the week of Christmas actually)) and then we wouldn't have to start paying our deductible for insurance again (oh yeah, we'll totally hit that before the years up and the hospital stay would've been completely taken care of which would've been SO NICE.)

(( I was less sure with this month...I don't know what it was for certain...even though we had 3 follicles, throughout the waiting period I didn't ever experience the thought of "maybe, just maybe i actually AM pregnant." Then the night before my blood test...I laid in bed thinking about it and I just started crying. I didn't really know why. Now I do. I think my Heavenly Father was helping prepare me after what happened last month.))

As I was listening to Jennifer on the phone, she asked if I wanted to set up a meeting with my Doctor and go over with him his thoughts and suggestions. I readily agreed and THANKFULLY someone had just cancelled their appointment with him for 2 days later. Jace was going to be working :(, but the appointment was late enough that my mom was able to come be a support for me. I took the appointment, thanked Jennifer, and hung up. I had walked into the bathroom while I was on the phone (i wander around while talking) and I had to go out to the family room to tell Jace.

I said it fast. That I wasn't pregnant. And I went into the kitchen. Poor Jace. He came to comfort me, but I could tell he was really unsettled by this news. But. We're pros at this by now...he dealt with his disappointment by playing some video games, while I cleaned (I clean when I'm upset). When we went to bed that night, I had yet to cry. Jace said our prayer that night and he asked for us to be understanding, and hopeful, and to remain faithful. It was beautiful and everything that was in my heart. That's when the tears started...and they didn't stop until I fell asleep.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Our Journey Part 11

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

These next 2 weeks were excruciating  No joke...if I thought time had moved slowly before, this took the cake. Jace and I would just stare at the calendar. My mom, brother, and SIL were asking (after just 4 days!) how close the 2 weeks were to coming to an end. Ha. We are not patient people. Obviously.

Well...FINALLY the 2 week wait was up. It was time for my blood test. And it just so happened to be on Jace's day off (i LOVE when he comes with me). We went, they drew blood, and we decided to make the most of that was GORGEOUS here in the valley. Sunny, blue skies, fluffy clouds, a light breeze, and the temperature was in the mid 70s. Glorious.

So we went to the park and ate, and laid down, and just enjoyed.

However after a couple of hours, it was getting to the point that they might actually call...and I wanted to be home when that happened.

We jumped in the car, got home, and as soon as I stepped through the door, my phone rang.

Jace has been SO SO eager this month--what with our 3 follicles...I looked over at him and his eyes were questioning.

That's when I heard my nurses' voice.

"Andrea, we have the results..."

Saturday, May 11, 2013


Holy Cow.
I have so many emotions going through me.

I'm used to the anxious-not-so-patient feeling that I get when I'm waiting my 2 weeks for my blood test to see if we are pregnant this month. 

However, today i'm experiencing so many other emotions. Its unreal.

I'm nervous/excited/terrified/fearful/happy/determined and overwhelmed thinking of my new job and all that I need to learn and know. (i'm on MY OWN starting Monday ..learning the ropes on my own since the girl i'm replacing had her last day yesterday)

I'm anxious/worried/hopeful/expectant/not patiently waiting for my blood test.

I'm worried/excited/nervous/sad/fearful to be leaving my current job.

I'm excited/proud/giddy to be able to bring in some extra money for our family.

I'm grateful/thankful/and truly blessed that I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and is watching out for me.

I'm annoyed/angry/and unfortunately a little resentful of a few people...I'm working really hard to overcome it though.

I'm proud/incredulous/flabbergasted/and excited. I took some Senior pictures for my baby brother yesterday and spent today editing them. He only has 8 school days left of high school, then he'll graduate, and turn 18/turn in his mission papers!!! Also, I can't believe its been 8 years since I graduated! Guess it means that I'm old!

I've over-booked myself of things that I'm trying to accomplish this weekend so I'm feeling overwhelmed/tired/hungry/stressed/exhausted.

Also,I'm overjoyed/giddy--I'm 1 pound away from my first goal of losing 20 pounds!!

yeah...i'd say that about covers everything i'm feeling all at once today. lol

Friday, May 10, 2013

Friday Funnies

I needed a laugh today.

Maybe you do too?

Enjoy, and happy Friday!!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

I did it.

You guys, I put in my 2 weeks notice at the jewelry store that I've worked at for 2 years. 

Its crazy.

I had my first couple of hours of training at my new job yesterday. 

It was intense.

What am I doing?!

I don't have a clue. 

However, I feel like this opportunity was given to me by the I need to take it. I don't want him looking down at me going, "What are you going?! You've been asking for a solution to your problems and I gave you the answer, but you're letting your fear rule you! Don't do it!" 

(i'm sure Heavenly Father expresses disappointment, right?)

So, for the rest of this week and next, I'll be able to blog as regularly as I have been doing...but after that I have no clue when i'll be able to blog. I'm going to be working full time for the first time in a really long while. I'm going to be up early, and dealing with issues that as of right now--I have no clue how to fix. I'm going to be getting home at the same time as my husband, and rushing/struggling to make dinner, and keeping up on my house keeping, not to mention figuring out when to make all of my fertility doctor appointments!

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013


I changed the header on this blog about a month ago.

I have been struggling being happy.

And I've been working on ways to be happy.

I shared the story of a "billion clicks"--and i'm still working on that and contributing to it.

I've been trying to be a happier and more supportive wife to my husband, and surprise surprise: we are getting along better.

I figured what I needed to try my best to do was realize how BLESSED I am in my life. And the name change on my blog is a wonderful daily reminder.

I have also been "in a rut" with my job. I have been so grateful to have this job. Seriously. Its low key, but fun, and when I was in desperate need of a new job--this job was a MIRACLE. I will always realize what an answer it was to our prayers.

I've been here for 2 years and about 5 months ago got promoted to store manager. Nothing in my job has changed except for my title :) Its a family run business, and the owner, his wife, and his daughters have been so good to step in for me if I come down with the flu (I was out for an entire week my first year) or working for me so I could have my birthday off. They are good people.

BUT its summer. and we are in downtown Mesa (which is slow anyways). and they have started construction on the light rail on main street. I'm only working part time as it is, and now my hours are getting cut more.

I also work as a respite provider for my brother...well in June my baby brother can do respite for him to earn money for his mission. So I was going to be making hardly ANYTHING starting June 1st.

Its a dilemma. With fertility, and our regular bills, and trying to build a small savings, as well as a "car fund" (my red car has been hanging on for over a year now...its basically dead, but chugging along for me) we are in need of a stable income and preferably one with an increase.

With my family praying and fasting with us, I feel that I have received the answer to our prayers. But now I dont know how to tell this family that i've worked with for so long and who I love...that I'm needing to leave them. I'm not good at this! I've been blessed with my job, but I feel that I will be more blessed by taking this new job.

Any suggestions?

Monday, May 6, 2013

Hello, Monday.

Hello Monday!

Hello to hot weather, and sitting under fans all day (along with the A/C--oh its going to be fun to get the  electric bill THIS summer).

Hello to fitting into a size smaller jean/dress pant!

Hello to my handsome husband and how great we've been getting along lately :)

Hello to an exciting opportunity today that has my stomach in knots!

Hello to my dear Heavenly Father who knew how anxious I was, and who helped me get the bests night sleep that I've had in almost 6 months!

Hello to my horribly grown out acrylic nails, that are making it hard to type on my keyboard...turn off the alarm in the mornings, and grabbing simple things. I think its time we got you filled and then cut!
(also, how in the world do women manage with incredibly long nails?! i don't understand it!)

Hello to wearing a leopard print shirt and red flats.

Hello to praying multiple times a day that we'll get pregnant soon.

Hello to a cute niece that loves me so hard she ran full blast into me and knocked us both over while attempting to give me a hug

Hello to my mother-in-law and father-in-law who are on their way home from their mission! (timed it out perfect for mothers day!)

Hello to piles of laundry waiting for me that have been getting put off because Jace and I just discovered Hell's Kitchen on Hulu.

and Hello to a new week...hopefully one filled with opportunities to be happy, to be of service, and for new things to help me grow!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Our Journey Part 10

I'm sitting here thinking to myself that i hope this journey doesn't have a million "parts" to it...


I went back in and started my cycle of medication and shots a week later.
They started me doing my hormone shots alot earlier this time hoping that it would help develop those follicles correctly. They are so touchy those dang follicles.
We went in a week after that for an ultrasound.

We had a few that were measuring okay, but not great...

So the nurse decided we'd do more hormone shots (worst ever!), and wait a few more days and come back in for another ultrasound.

The day finally came and after much prayer, fasting, and WILLING my follicles to grow my ultrasound was the first HAPPY one we've had!! I had THREE follicles measuring right where they wanted them to! 

100% better than last month!

So. Next step. Trigger ovulation,  and do an IUI. 

Please let this be the month!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 3, 2013


I don't know if this is a woman thing.

Or if its a general thing.

Or maybe its just an "Andrea is crazy" kind of thing.

But man alive, lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed.

I've talked it over with my sweet husband, and yesterday with my dear mother.

Last year, i WAY cut back on my working hours at my day job hoping that would help. And it did for awhile, but the last 6 months (also when we started fertility treatments and LOTS of medications) I started feeling completely overwhelmed again.

My day job is in downtown Mesa...and i'm not busy at all. Which is good and bad. Part of my problem is that I get to sleep in (I don't have to work until 10) and so i'm sluggish in the mornings...then i go to work and sit on my booty--watching hulu or browsing blogs until I leave. I'm not productive at all. And the summer is hitting...which means that I wont be busy for the next 4 months. Oi.

I try and do hair in the afternoons, but I haven't had very many clients lately, so I feel that i sit around until I need to make dinner (if I can find the motivation) and Jace comes home, we eat, watch TV, and then go to bed.

I've come to realize that 80% of my brain is focusing on the fertility and medications and doctors appointments (7 already for April and tomorrow). And the other 20% gets family things, financial woes, church activities, work, and general stress.

I'm a mess people!

We have been praying for a door to open in regards to me feeling more productive, and happy at work and also for a boost in income. Thinking about leaving my current day job (I've been here 2 years) makes me want to hyperventilate. Its easy and comfortable here...I know what I need to do and whats expected of me. I fear! I'm scared to grow! I really need to get a grip on myself and focus on what would benefit our family, and allow me to become a better person. Even if its scary.


Brain rant over. :)