Our Journey Part 9

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

...this call said I wasn't pregnant.

picture the most discouraging, disappointing thing you can and this is how I felt.

Ugh.

The nurse on the phone is the one who took my blood.

She sounds as discouraged as I am. This has to be hard for them too. They don't want to see people get hurt either. So I try to not cry on the phone as she discusses what my Doctor wants to do differently for this next cycle.

I hurry off the phone and know that I have to call Jace now.

This is the worst part. Hes going to be really disappointed.

I call. He answers. I burst into tears. He says, "oh no. i'll be home as soon as i can." and hangs up having to get back to work.

I call my mom...I know shes been just as anxious as me.

She answers...shes been waiting to hear from me. You can hear the trepidation in her voice.

I say, nope...not this month.

And we both burst into tears at the same time.

She apologizes to ME. She wanted it so badly for me. With all my weird symptoms this month she was sure that I was pregnant but didn't want to say anything to get my hopes up. Meanwhile, she got her own hopes up. I get my sobbing under enough control to spit out the words..."i really thought it was going to happen. I really thought i was pregnant." and then i started sobbing harder....and she replied through her sobs..."i'm so sorry honey. your heart is broken...and its breaking mine not knowing how i can help."

I get it together (somewhat) and ask her to tell dad and my brothers. I couldn't make those calls.

By the next day, I was okay. I mean not REALLY okay, but I had no fear of bursting into tears at work. I mean...I just need to gear up to start over.

Next cycle would start up in a week or so.