Well..., its been what, a week? and already I was letting fear back in and it definitely had its grip on me.
My husband is pretty special. And sometimes he really surprises me. Last week, I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I had been busy worrying--about everything. Things that don't even concern me! I was worried about all of the bills pilling up from the fertility doctor (and feeling guilty because its my "fault" that we have to go to a specialist), I was worried about our poor old red car holding together to last a while since we cant afford a new car right now. I was worried about what Jace's parents where going to do this next month when they came home from their mission. I was worried about not being a good enough wife, I was worried about not having the cleanest home, I was worried that I wasn't working on my spirituality enough. Basically, I just let my thoughts go and go they did! They took off down a road that I was having trouble finding my way back from.
Que Jace. He pulled out his phone, and said "do you know what helps me"? And proceeded to read a series of scriptures that allowed me to BREATHE. It was amazing! What was even more amazing was that Jace decided that we were going to forgo ALL TV at home (Netflix/hulu/DVDs), and for him ALL video games for that next week. We were going to focus more on us as a couple, and on Christ. I felt like we were on cloud 9! All of that "extra"...you don't even realize how much time or energy it takes up. Seriously.
I felt like I was dying last Monday--I was so sick. I had our Relief Society night the next night, so I needed to be better. Miraculously I was! However I was gone all night. And you know what I came home to? My surprising husband had CLEANED THE ENTIRE APARTMENT. He did the dishes, the scrubbing, the vacuuming, and had started on the laundry! It was such a treat to come home to! He looked at me and said, "its amazing how much more time I have since we cut out all of that other junk, and it made me look and think about what you might need from me". I seriously went into the bedroom and cried just a bit...because my home no longer looked like a dragon cave and my husband was so thoughtful. It was so sweet.
This week I have read testimony after testimony of people online in part preparation for General Conference this weekend. I woke up Saturday morning, stayed in my jammies, and watched conference from my bed. The talks were wonderful and a BALM to my troubled soul. I no longer felt despair or worry, I felt hope and love and light. That's what Christ does for you. That's what the truth of the gospel does for you. The congregational hymn Saturday morning is what pushed me over the "edge" if you will. I truly felt like my Heavenly Father was not only aware of ME, but of my recent struggles. The hymn was "Let Us All Press On" which you can watch here, but its the specific words that were meant "just for me" that I wanted to share with you.