Fear

Why do we fear?

More precisely, Why do I fear?

And why do I seem to be afraid alot?

The world is full of the unknown.

And its a natural tendency to be afraid...at least at first. 

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” 
― Plato

Growing up, I was torn down incessantly by the other girls and boys in my classes. I was told, that i wasn't cool enough to hang out with some, or that I was never going to be beautiful by others.  

Growing up with the Gospel, I knew that I was a daughter of God. So, while everything they said hurt--I didn't let it stop me from trying new things. (sometimes)

I ran for school treasurer--and at the last minute--one of the boys who had been so mean to me decided he was going to run. I didn't even have a chance. But I went through with it.

I wanted to play the flute. This time it was a teacher who was exceptionally mean to me. My mom offered an alternative (orchestra) and i am so glad she did. Turns out, I had a natural ability to play--I was quickly moved up through the orchestras, but i remember that meant leaving my cousin behind in the lower orchestra and i was scared. I was scared because she was the one person who was nice to me in orchestra. I begged my mom to let me quit. She wouldn't. I learned to be tougher. 

As a 7th grader I went to the 9th grade orchestra leaving behind the few friends that I had made. I developed horrible anxiety, but pushed on. Again, grateful for it because by the time I made it into High School I jumped again into the Senior Orchestra. I was grateful for my moms wisdom in not letting me quit.

When I got old enough to drive, I put off getting my license for as long as I could. Driving scared me. My brother took the reigns on this one and MADE me learn to dive the freeways. 

When I was in an emotionally unhealthy relationship, I was scared to end it. Not scared that he would do something to me, but scared that if I ended it with this guy, the first guy to actually LOVE me...what if I never found love again? (my 20 year old self was so naive)

When it came time to choose a career during college, I couldn't choose one. When I finally decided to go to Cosmetology school (which in all honestly, I cant believe I had the guts to do), I was scared to death of telling my grandpa--for fear of disappointing him. 

I was scared to tell my husband I loved him the first time while we were dating...I was scared of the scenario that I had with my ex.

I was terrified of finally making an appointment with the fertility specialist (when we were able to), because what if he told me that i couldn't have kids? 

I was scared to branch out to get a different job awhile back, because I'm comfortable where I'm at. And what if I don't like it? What if I'm bad at it? What if? What if? What if?!

Well, honestly, I'm quite sick of being scared. I'm sick of fear holding me back!!

(this may sound totally cheesy, but we watched Rise of the Guardians for the first time last night and I felt like I was being ruled by the "boogeyman" (Satan) instead of looking for the good, the wonder in life--looking to lift myself and my husband HIGHER.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that
something else is more important than fear.” 
― Ambrose Redmoon

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” 
― Franklin D. Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt's First Inaugural Address

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” 
― Nelson Mandela

“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“I think the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Fear of getting failing grades, fear of not staying with your class, etc. Interest can produce learning on a scale compared to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker.” 
― Stanley Kubrick

“Fear isn't so difficult to understand. After all, weren't we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It's just a different wolf. This fright complex is rooted in every individual.” 
― Alfred Hitchcock

My goal in the next few months...is to try and overcome some of the fears that I have.

I don't want to live my life afraid of failure. I don't want that to be the legacy I pass on. 

I want to love, live, and enjoy life.

I want more.