Disappointment

Disappointment is hard. Its tough.

It doesn't matter if its minor, or something major--the reality of it is that disappointment is a pain to go through.

I had my share of disappointments growing up...

I never got along with girls my age. I always wanted friends SO BADLY, and was told "sorry Andrea,  we cant hang out with you. you just aren't cool enough for us." ((true story))

I wanted a sister so badly to make up for the fact that I had no real friends to play with...and then my little brother Joe made his debut into the world.

There were the boys I wanted to pay attention to me, that only ever saw me as the "buddy"...the girl who was fun to hang out with, but they would NEVER date. No. That was reserved for my best friend.

There was the boy who i thought i was going to marry. We talked about it till we were blue in the face.  And then he called me and said that he just couldn't do it. So we broke up.

and so on.

My biggest disappointment TO DATE though would be that I cant seem to get pregnant. All I ever wanted to be was a mom...I never thought for a SECOND that it might be hard, or impossible. Poor Jace...I feel like I'm a disappointment to him. I know that I'm not. I know that he loves me...all of me...even the part that is making it ridiculously difficult for us to become parents, but I also know he wants to be a dad and my body is preventing that right now.

I was sitting reflecting today about disappointment.

About how we all go through it.

About how alot of us go through it feeling so alone. Like no one can quite understand us.

Part of it is that i don't know if we know how to fully and truly express the disappointment we feel.

Maybe that's just me. I tend to keep things inside of me. You know the old adage of "Fake it till you make it"?? that has been my motto growing up. 

But I think that its OKAY to express your disappointment in things. Its okay that others know you're hurting, or that you don't have it all together all the time. 

And its wonderful when we can be there for someone else. To be that friend or family member, or heck, co-worker or even an internet friend who found you on your blog that you've never actually met. 

I think its good for the soul to be able to express disappointment...because then you can move on.

And I think its wonderful for the soul to be of service to someone, to show love and compassion with no strings attached.

Sorry if this was rambling...I've had alot of quiet time to think today and this is what kept popping up in my head. I decided i'd better write it down.