Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Baby Eli

Oh handsome Eli! This sweet little fella came to my studio just shy of 5 weeks old! He was so awake the whole time, cooing at us, demanding to be fed, and refusing to be swaddled.

I dont blame him. I hate being hungry and I dont like to be covered up either :)

He had his big brother there too, and man oh man. Avery LOVES baby Eli. He was so excited to have a baby. When I asked him his favorite thing about having Eli as his brother, he responded with "Hes just so cute!!" 

I had such a good time working with this family and hopefully I'll see them again soon! Avery looked at me when they were leaving and said, "i'll probably see you next year because my mom needs to have another baby." ha! That was awesome.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Blah! Brown.

i grew up in a blue house.

in a blue room.

with blue shag carpet.

its the truth.

and I loved it.

my parents home had different colors in it. 

the game room was red, white, and blue. (until i was in high school)

my brother's room had red shag carpet (when we moved in).

however, the resounding color choice was BLUE. (it was my grandparents home and that was my grandmas favorite color. it is my mom's favorite color too, so it stayed.)

When i was in college, my mom convinced me to paint my room pink. 
She started adding some pretty brown/taupes to her house...my brothers bathroom, her bathroom, her ROOM, the family room, etc.
I loved the change. 

When I got married, the home we rented was WHITE everything. 
White tile, cabinets, counters, walls (in most of the house). 
And i wasn't allowed to touch ANYTHING.

The next few places we lived, were white too, and then i painted with pretty taupes and browns.
We rented, so I ended up having to paint them back white, but it was what saved my sanity back then.

Last year we bought our first home.

the inside is ALL brown.

brown tile, brown cabinets, brown paint (in every single room), brown carpet, bronzed fixtures, brown and black counters, and black appliances.

Now, its been great. But its so not my style. Since then, we've added a cream rug and brown furniture. Brown tv cabinet and side tables, and a brown dining table.


i cant handle the brown!! its so blah! 

I need to incorporate more color into this home.

The fastest and easiest way is paint.

I'm open to favorite paint color suggestions!!

Thursday, June 16, 2016


Yesterday was my birthday.

Over the last few years...my birthday has been just another day.

I've had friends wish me happy birthday through Facebook, my parents sing me happy birthday on the phone, and my family gets together for chocolate cake.

Last year was a "bad" birthday. I had recently found out about Jace's addiction. I felt isolated, sad, and angry. He was offish. I didnt want to be around his family. My family didnt know what to do for me. So my mom took me and my SIL out to brunch and that was basically it...i think. I cant remember anything else happening. Seriously, total blank except for brunch. PTSD man.

This year, leading up to my birthday the weeks have been difficult. Its hot and miserable. Jace and I fought and I really was thinking that we were heading for divorce. We are both working hard to make money to pay off debt quicker. My son is energetic and needs alot from me.

However, Jace and I had a bit of an "ah ha" moment a few days before my birthday. Jace met with our bishop and things have been...relaxed for the most part. Jace did some "honey'dos" that i've had on my wish list for a year now. He and I cleaned all the night before so I could wake up to a clean house and not have to do anything. I had a good friend bring me a treat that morning. My mom babysat Nash so Jace and I could go to lunch alone. We had to call poison control because Nash decided to drink some Fabreeze (hes totally fine), Jace gave me a necklace that makes me think of Nash (his birthstone) that I love. My shoulders and feet got rubbed. I received Facebook messages from friends and family, a few text messages, and a card in the mail. :) My family went swimming with me and ate pizza (my favorite) and chocolate cake (also my favorite). I fell asleep early.

It was a good day.

I think it can be hard to do so, but we need to look for the good days. The world is crazy right now. This week alone there have been 3 tragedies in Orlando.

I'm grateful for another year here on this earth. I'm grateful to be a wife and mother, which has always been my dream. I'm grateful for the things I keep learning.

So, I'm excited to make this last year in my 20's good. Nothing spectacular has to happen...I just want to be able to fill it with good days. At least more good than not.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Baby Oliver

Little Oliver was 8 days old when I had the pleasure of meeting him. What a little stud muffin!! I have been so grateful for the opportunity to photograph babies lately. There is just something about a tiny baby that puts certain things into perspective for me. 

Oliver came with his brother Conrad...who DID NOT want his picture taken. Some battles just cant be won :) Through talking, we discovered that mom and dad work for Wells Fargo (like my husband!) and I just HAPPENED to have one of their "Nellie" stuffed animals. I had to make sure that got in there too. The last pose, was something dad had seen online and wanted to try...but Oliver was awake and NOT too thrilled with the idea. 

Oliver was FIGHTING sleep the whole session. Little guy just wanted to be part of the action and not miss out. Eventually he crashed hard and we got some very serene photographs.
 I just love working with babies!

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

When you know better.

Addiction recovery is HARD.

I really cant form into words how hard it is. Addiction seeps into every faucet of your life.
Your past, present, and future.
Its all touched. Plagued by this vile thing.

I have done so much research, so much reading, and so much reaching out in recovery groups in the last year. And yet, I still sit everyday in bewilderment that THIS IS NOW MY LIFE.

Jace is doing well. He meets with his sponsor once a week and goes to 12 step meetings once a week. However the LITTLE things have been slipping through both of our fingers.

Prayer (together), Scripture study (together), temple sessions, and date nights. Its all hard.

And you know why?

Because satan is real. He is real and he is a real pain. I'm not going to get vulgar here but i wish he would just go away. He is attacking people left and right. Making them miserable. Wearing them down. Making them feel hopeless. Trying with all his might to make us give up.

Give up on recovery, give up on our marriage, give up on ourselves.

And you think it wouldnt be so easy for him to sway you when you know better.

You know who he is, why he does the things he does, and that he is attacking you.

And yet...you let him get to you.

Last night was another "why is this so hard, and is it ever going to get better" kind of nights. They are not uncommon to us. We feel like we are spinning our wheels in alot of regards. We know we love each other, but trust was shattered. How do you continue to work towards something, when you dont know what you are working towards looks like?

I hate this. I hate that this is my life. I hate that satan keeps being able to touch something that he has NO right to.

I know better than this.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Baby Ciera

Little Ciera was born 8 days ago! She and her mommy had an infection and had to stay for a few extra days, but they are both healthy and strong now. Ciera apparently loves to eat, and while we were doing her shoot, she showed that she loves to sleep!! She was a perfect, squishy, sleeping angel the whole time we did her pictures.