Thursday, February 16, 2012

A Wish. and a Whine.

Where is my blue fairy? Where is my fairy god-mother? Where are Flora, Fauna, and Merry-weather??
I have a wish and I need it to come true.
and wishing on my own doesn't seem to make a difference.

I want a baby.
I want to be a mom.
I want to experience the wonderful feeling of someone growing inside of me.
the miraculous feeling of a baby flip-flopping, or the agonizing feeling of the baby kicking me in the ribs.
the horrible feeling of being nauseous all day.
the exhaustion, the stretch marks, the cravings.
I want it all.

and it seems that i cant have it.
and i feel like my world just keeps shattering over and over.

i love my family and friends. and i am SO happy for them, that they get to have adorable babies, that they get to have the experiences i listed. but i am SO afraid that i'm not going to have that experience. that I'm not going to be a mom.
holding my 3 month old niece the other day made me LONG for a baby to call my own.
hearing all of my friends announce their second pregnancy with funny pictures on Facebook make me want to be able to announce my own.
having my friend Amanda give birth to her 4th! (shes my age) makes me wonder if that will be me someday.
seeing my friend Lauren post a picture of her just as shes starting to "show"... made me burst into tears last night.

Who's sick of me whining? Other than myself.

Seriously. I feel like that's all i do.

But other than getting sealed in the temple, this is THE only thing i have ever wanted.
and as we are going on 3 years of being married and almost 2 years of "trying"...i feel lost. and sad. and confused. and i know jace feels the same, but hes not as vocal about it.

Sorry. I just needed to get that out. I am going to be happy and carry on. I need to realize my blessings and take joy in the things that i do have.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Feb. 14th!

Valentines Day!

My awesome uncle's birthday!

Arizona's birthday!!

And to top it off, it looks like we might see rain here! It went from temperatures in the 80's with lots and lots of sunshine to 60 and all cloudy :) That makes me happy!

My husband has been reminding me that i've been pretty grouchy/really serious lately. I'm going with the reasons of "we had to pack up our life which i did most of on my own, to moving, to cleaning the old place on my own (with a bit of help from my momma!), to unpacking the new place (entirely on my own since jace now works an 8-7 job), decorating, trying to home cook alot of meals, trying (and failing) to clean, jace starting a new job, money being a tad tight at the moment" and all of the other reasons i probably have said.

Well, just like on the Biggest Loser this year, I'm starting my season of NO EXCUSES!

I need to be happier. A bit more silly. A bit more optimistic.
And by golly, I'm going to try.

So I'm starting today. Fresh.
Its a beautifully cloudy and cool day.
A celebration of love.
Of the birth of our awesome state.
and of my awesome uncle.
Its gonna be a good day :)

So enjoy your day everyone! I'm going to do just that.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

and an update...

We are almost completely moved in!

2 words. Hallelujah. and {insert heavy sigh here} PHEW! here's the skinny. We moved on the 1st of February. And between the 31st and the 1st i really thought i was going to die due to my brain blowing up. I'd glad i didn't.

Our place now is really nice in the fact that even though we had a bunch of stuff everywhere, we didn't feel too stuffed in.

I really dove head first into unpacking. I would come home from work and until we went to bed i would be unpacking. So i mostly had gone through everything in 5 days. In a week i had put away most of our totes and had furniture where i wanted it. By today, i have stuff up on my walls and my second bedroom mostly put together (MIRACLE!!) I will actually be able to use it FOR hair clients and as a GUEST BEDROOM! Who knew?!

Suffice it to say, I'm exhausted. But extremely satisfied. Today we went to IKEA to look at patio furniture and desks. :) We are very happy right now in our little home. Very happy indeed. Pictures to come once i clean :)

Friday, February 3, 2012


All you hear from EVERYONE that is on PINTEREST is that they cant believe how much time they are wasting!

Well...i have finally joined.

And i am happy to say that i have found the solution.

I browse Pinterest while i'm at work...and even though it seems like i'm wasting my time, the other alternative is me watching Make it or Break it on HULU.

Pinterest>Make it or Break it.