After long talks, discussions with my parents, fasting, prayer, and trips to the temple we finally decided to try ONE more IUI.
During this time I felt myself inwardly changing. I knew that i would be a mother someday. Be it with a biolgical child or an adopted child. I knew that my desire was a rightous one. I also knew that I hadn't yet just totally accepted God's will for me. My prayers had always been "please bless us to get pregnant...", but now they became "please bless us to get pregnant...however if it is not thy will, please help us accept this, and be strong, and learn to move forward."
As soon as I started adopting a more "Thy will be done" attitude...i just felt different. Happier. More like, "its not in my hands! and who's better hands to be in than the Lords?"
So. We moved forward with the IUI.
There was another procedure that my doctor wanted to try called a disruption. That combined with the fact that I had been on birth control the month before, and an extra and new medication during my next cycle in conjunction with my "regular" medicine (femara, metformin, follistem (hormone shot), and ovidrel)...my doctor thought that maybe THAT would do the trick.
We thought that seeing that this would be our 6th IUI (more than people normally do), and after having surgery, hormones, IUI's, and extra procedures...that if I didnt get pregnant with this, then I wouldnt get pregnant with IUI's alone. Our options then would be IVF or adoption.
We told our doctor as such, and once my cycle started up we went forward with everything.
Lots of prayers. Lots of fasting. Lots of trips to the temple.
Lots of hoping. Hoping, hoping, hoping.