Moving Forward

Woo boy. August was the literal WORST.

We started online school the same day that I had my IVF transfer. I was on bed rest and then sick or sore (oh how sore!) from all the meds and shots that I had to do everyday. I was crampy and nauseous (all good signs indicating pregnancy), I lost 5 pounds (I lose weight at the beginning of my pregnancies). 

Then 12 days after that we found out that we lost our babies. 4 days after that we had a conversation with our doctor who told us that we had been pregnant and that i will be miscarrying those babies in the next week or so. 

I miscarried our babies.

All the while still homeschooling, and working.

Then we reached out to discuss another transfer. My IVF coordinator Daina set it up. Our next transfer is scheduled for October. I have to be on birth control pills and other meds while we monitor my lining and other things leading up to it. 

We are nervous.

But we are ready to move forward.

We don't want to be stuck in the sad. In the what ifs. We have more embryos waiting. Its time to keep going.

I'm also really ready for school to start back up again, even for 2 days a week (which is their modified schedule). Everyone in the freaking state has started back up already...why not us?! People are doing Prenda schools--no masks, kids together. Our numbers are going down, not up.

The CDC released information basically owning up to numbers being inflated. Covid is real (our net door neighbor KaraLyn is a nurse had it, so did our neighbors Gary LeSeuer, and Lana Stradling, and Shelice Millett) but its not as deadly for the general population as they have made it out to be. People have lost their livelihoods, the world is in complete chaos, places like New York and California are STILL under lock down 6 MONTHS INTO THIS. 

We are ready to move forward. Yes, our lives will never be the same, but we are ready for our new normal and for people to stop acting how they are acting. We are ready for the election to be over in November so the Democrats and Republicans stop using the American people as their puppets. 

We are ready to move forward past all the blazing HOT weather we are having. Arizona has broken all sorts of records on how many days in a row we have had temps over 110. We have basically not had any monsoon rains.

September in our house is better known as "Sucktember" and I really hope that that doesn't hold up this year. August was sucky, I don't need September to be as well.

Wellp.

So...my last published post was in June of last year. THAT IS ALMOST  A FULL YEAR AGO.

Shame on my journal game.

Well...there really is no way to play catch up. I will do a quick summary of the end of our year in 2019 and beginning of 2020.

In July we splurged and went with my family to Bigfork Montana to see my grandparents. Nash had never met them and the last time I had seen them in person, I announced my pregnancy with him. I missed them. My grandparents are getting older now and their memories are fading a bit. I wanted Nash to know them. Wanted him to remember how my grandma flo puttered around her gorgeous yard and took care of the plants. How my grandpa lee smells and how much he loves seeing his family enjoy his home. Wanted Nash to see my very favorite place on earth that houses so many wonderful memories for me. Before things change. I'm now crying just by writing those few words. I cant think of that week in Montana without being so grateful to Jace for helping to make it happen. I would never have forgiven myself if we hadn't gone.

In August Nash started Kindergarten. It was a brutal month. He cried, I cried. Everyday. We survived.

We picked up fertility treatments in September. They did not go well. Jace's sister had a baby girl.

October brought more disappointment with fertility treatments. We splurged for our 10 year anniversary and went to Boston for 5 days. The change, being kid free, forgetting for a bit about the disappointments was just what we needed. Nash stayed with my parents. He had a blast. I took a million pictures with my phone and uploaded a bunch to Instagram for my Chatbooks. Had lots of clients start up for fall minis.

November brought a "miracle cycle", meds given to us by our doctor for one more treatment. We were sure this was it for us. This was the cycle that was going to give us a shot for a baby. Guess what? It wasnt. It was a hard blow. We decided to stop all treatment and figure it out in the new year. I started detoxing off the hormones and was a wreck. I had so many clients this month. They kept me busy and I was grateful.

December was super busy as well with work. Nash started reading really well. Christmas was nice and laid back. Jace surprised me with an upgraded diamond and that was awesome. Spent lots of time as a family. Grandma Riggs passed away. That was sad. I got to see my cousins Matt, Garrett, and Richie though, and that part was nice.

January 2020 we went to the fertility doctor our insurance covers to discuss IVF. Our insurance said it would be 100% covered (not meds, but still). So we went. Turns out that 100% was a deceiving number. The lab wouldnt be covered. We would still be out well over $12K. The Dr. didnt make us feel comfortable either. The wind was taken out of our sails. I made an appointment to talk with our
"old" doctor to discuss IVF. We had to wait a month. Business was slow. I was in a weird limbo and didnt like it. I was working out everyday and watching was I was eating (on my endocrinologist's suggestions) and wasnt losing weight or changing shape. Getting depressed. Started talking with my cousin Julie about ways to fund/fund raise for IVF. Nash started in a singing group with Jenee Prince once a week.

February killed me with Nash's schedule. Half the month he was only at school for an HOUR every day. I basically lived in my car. He hated it because he didnt get to play with friends and was stuck with me all day every day. It was the worst. He did get to do a field trip to the zoo and I chaperoned. He had a blast. I got in over 14,000 steps that day. He also had his school festival and thought it was awesome. In his own words "its a day i go to school, but dont learn anything, just have fun!" Finally got in to my Dr. He was a breath of fresh air and had multiple options and suggestions (as always). He made us feel more at ease. Talked to his financial girls and found out because of all the $$$ we spent on IUI's we would get a nice little discount on IVF...making it the same cost there as at the new place that made us feel icky. Decided to stay with who we know and who gave us our little miracle 6 years ago. Signed Nash up for coach pitch to start in March. Randy spent a little over a week in the hospital with Pseudomonas.

March--we just started. Nash and I have planned out his birthday party since he is turning 6 in just a couple of weeks. We have all been sick, nash is currently on antibiotics for a sinus infection and I think I may have one too. The coronavirus is kind of scary, running rampant, and infecting everyone. Trying my best to keep my family healthy enough to get through it when it hits. Not panic-ing like lots of people or treating it like its nothing like others. I live in the middle. I'm taking meds that give me migraines and cause swelling in my extremities. Super fun. We planned to go to LA to spend time with Jeff and the girls for the last part of our Spring Break next week. We'll have to see if we will be healthy enough to go. Really could use a break and the beach sounds awesome! Jace's parents and sister and her family are coming during spring break too, so we will get to meet Jen's newest kid--little Elena.

You are now caught up. 9 months condensed pretty well. Of course there were other things that happened...some good, some bad. Life goes on. I will try to do better about posting as this is my journal. I really dont think anyone reads this anymore, so its for me and my posterity.

Nashisms as of late

I had Nash with me running a million errands yesterday and I wanted to write some of these nashisms down before I forgot. Hes such a stinking funny kid.

(Nash pretending at Best Buy while I was waiting for Geek Squad)
N: "Momma! There is an insurance guy in that chair (it was empty) and he wants me to come work for him and sell insurance! No way I'm doing that!"

(Nash seeing the Home Depot sign)
N: "its HOME DEPOT!!
Me: yep, its the de-POT.
N: Ugh, momma, the T is in SILENCE!! (of course meaning the T is silent. ha)"

(We went up to the cabin just me, jace and nash and nash was kicking my seat and making loud noise for the sake of making noise)
Me: Nash! For the millionth time!! Please stop hitting my seat! (sidenote: i totally understand why my dad was always so mad I put my feet on his chair for all those years!)
Jace: Yeah son, please stop making noise too.
Nash: um....but WHY! (more noise)
Me: We will put your seat all the way in the back dude.
Nash: well I'll just annoy you by talking back there too.

(Nash getting up from a 'rest' today)
Nash: "Momma, you are my friend, you are beautiful, and I love you."

Nash: "MOMMA! we havent played this game yet. its just been sitting here for days and nights."

Goings on

Its MARCH!

Yay! and also how?

I thought i'd give an update here on our life ATM (at the moment). I was doing my first treatment after surgery and my ovaries OVER-reacted (get it? ha. i gotta find the humor or I'd just cry--which dont get me wrong, I totally did). I ended up with 11 or 12 follicles measuring at a 10 or higher. Which could mean that when we triggered ovulation I could get pregnant with many many babies. My doctor ran the percentages and deemed it unsafe for me so he canceled that cycle. That was a serious blow.

I have been in serious "get all this crap out of my life. it is junking it up, making me feel claustrophobic, and in my way". This happens about twice a year and I seem to be right on schedule. March and October. When I had nash and when i announced his presence to the world. Coincidence? So I've been purging. I'm sure I can do more too. Right now I'm working on the garage and getting anything baby related out and checked (its been 5 years, i mean....) Plus the 3rd bedroom we have is supposed to be a baby's room...so I'm getting that space figured. If you build it, they will come maybe?

My cousin Julie is pregnant with twins (courtesy of my fertility doctor). They are her 4th and 5th from him. She has all girls and one of the twins is a boy. So i'm going to go through all of nash's baby clothes and donate some to her. So now I've pulled them all out of the garage and it seems like a seriously daunting task. I'm going to convince my mom to help me.

Nash's 5th birthday is this month! I cant believe he is FIVE. Wow. My little guy isnt so little anymore. He asked me the other day to help teach him to be a grown up. ::ugly crying:: please never leave me. Ha.

He gets to have his first ever friend party. He chose the theme...MARIO! (But Luigi is his favorite for some unknown reason). I'm working on getting it figured out....

I have Taxes coming up and I stress the crap out because I'm the one who puts them together and I have to do it for my business too. Yeesh.

I found out a few days ago that my best friend Troy's dad passed away very unexpectedly. He went to bed and never woke up. That has been hard. The funeral is tomorrow.

That is pretty much us right now. Fertility, Nash, Cleaning, etc.

Well...

So...December was a bummer with the exception of 2 things. A trip to California and Sea World which I have in another post and Christmas. Those 2 things were great. Everything else was not good. January really didnt go so well either--I was "sick" for most of December and it got way worse in January. So much so that my 103 fever had my doctor convinced I had the flu, or whooping cough, or pneumonia. I tested for everything and it came back negative. So just some awful virus that attacked hard and WOULD. NOT. LEAVE.

However, one good thing came about in January.

I had surgery. HA!

But seriously, its a good thing because its the start of fertility 2019. I kept the fact that we were trying for another baby last year a secret and I had to go through some really hard things alone. I've decided to be honest that we are once again trying, but I probably wont be as open with E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G like i was when I went through it all with Nash.

So! Everyone please remember us in your prayers as we are trying to grow our family! #prayingfortwins

Here goes!

Craptastic

What a title for my post, eh?

Well...today was crap-tastic. Truly a horrible day.

It started when Nash would NOT get moving and we were a little late for school.

Then it got worse when I went to get in to my car only to find that it had been broken into...and we had a few things stolen.

So Nash was 20 minutes late to school, my car had been vandalized, and I had to file a police report.

Then I went to get Randy out of bed, only to have his wheelchair not lock, causing me to lower him to the ground and find a round about way of getting him back up and out of his room.

Nice.

Jace texted me. He was turned down for the promotion he was up for (and really deserves).

Wonderful.

Then I was off to get a pedicure that I've literally been planning for a year. My mom gave me $ for Mothers day to do it, but every time I went to go, I hit something and broke off huge pieces of my nail.

I waited for an hour...only to realize that I wasnt going to be able to get it done because I needed to pick Nash up from school.

So Nash was 20 minutes late to school, my car had been vandalized, I filed a police report, basically dropped my 40 year old brother, found out my husband didnt get his promotion, and spent an hour trying to get a pedicure that didnt happen.

I had 20 minutes, so I went to Frys to get a few groceries. The line took a million years. I got to my car when Nashs school got out. So I was going to be late in picking him up. ::facepalm::

I picked Nash up and went home to put away our groceries. I noticed that the fridge seemed a little warm. I tried drinking some milk....which I spit out and dumped out immediately.

SO...Nash was 20 minutes late to school, my car had been vandalized, I filed a police report, basically dropped my 40 year old brother, found out my husband didnt get his promotion, spent an hour trying to get a pedicure that didnt happen, took too long at the grocery store and picked nash up late from school, AND discovered my fridge was going out.

We had the motor fixed on this older fridge that came with the house a few years ago. We knew we were on borrowed time. We just didnt realize how fast the payment was going to be due.

I went back to my parents house to put nash down for a nap so I could get some work done. I was seriously behind in my editing. While I was putting him down in the dark room, i hit my foot on a chair and (if you can believe it) broke my big toe nail.

THATS RIGHT ladies and gentlemen....the whole reason I was supposed to have the freaking pedicure today.

We went to pick out a new fridge. We were planning on buying one with our tax return this next spring (cash) because we have worked so hard at getting debt paid down. This summer we paid off 3 credit cards. Now, we will be the proud new owners of a fridge that works...and have one of those credit cards back in rotation.

SO...Nash was 20 minutes late to school, my car had been vandalized, I filed a police report, basically dropped my 40 year old brother, found out my husband didnt get his promotion, spent an hour trying to get a pedicure that didnt happen, took too long at the grocery store and picked nash up late from school, discovered my fridge was going out, broke my big toe nail, AND bought a fridge that made us use a credit card we didnt want to use.

OH AND CHERRY ON TOP--we went back to the car to leave and someone had put a stinking target card that locked up behind our vehicle that jace and I both had to pick up to move out of the way.


Seriously. One of the more craptastic days of my life.

"Finding Joy"

So for the past year and a half the word JOY has been on my mind. I've got pages of quotes and scriptures and talks I've been reading on the subject.

When i made our fummer list, one of my goals was to "find joy".

When i got my new calling as a primary teacher and I was set apart, in the prayer they specifically mentioned that "i would find joy in this calling".

I found a sign last month to add to a gallery wall in my family room that says "choose joy".

And yesterday my mom found this quote and gave it to me. I loved it so much I made it into a printable. (feel free to save and use!)

(8x10)

I'm finding myself getting agitated easily, and losing my cool multiple times a day. I've been struggling with finding joy in my life. Nash has been needing SO MUCH attention and interaction, which I try to give him, but apparently its not enough because oi. We keep working towards paying off our debt (3 credit cards GONE this summer BTW) and working towards Jace's next promotion, and needing a new car...all that jazz. It gets exhausting and overwhelming. I also am so frustrated that I'm not pregnant. Getting Nash a sibling keeps seeming like a never ending and disappointing journey. My "best friend" basically stopped keeping in touch a year or 2 ago. My other friend who I would consider my best friend, is a GUY and he and his family moved to Washington. I feel really alone on that front. I keep thinking of all the things that aren't happening in my life and my family's lives and it makes me SO SAD. 

I feel like I go so long without saying anything or talking through things that I sometimes explode on my 4 year old--that is so not fair. My sister in law Jamie, posted this video of Elder Holland and Jace and I both sobbed through it. Good grief I need to be better.

Nash will be starting preschool in 2 weeks for 3 days a week for 2.5 hours on those days. I think it will be a marvelous break for both of us. It will give him the interaction with other kids and his teacher is an absolute ANGEL. And for me...not only will it give me time during the day to work and not feel guilt for working while Nash "needs" me, but I think it will give me the opportunity to rediscover ME as a person...not as a business owner, or a mom, or a wife....but me. I used to have a fantastic relationship with myself and with my Heavenly Father (not saying I dont have a relationship with Him--but it is NOT what it used to be)....and that quote from President Nelson kind of smacked me in the face.

I dont know. I wish I was more eloquent, but I just wanted to say that I'm trying. I'm trying to find the joy in my life again, even if its not what I had hoped for at this time. 

I love my husband, I love my family, I love my nash so much, I love my home, and I love my Heavenly Father. And so this entry isnt so depressing here are a couple of pictures for you to see of my cute boy and his kitty cat. :)

Fummer 2018

FUMMER is here!!!

This year, I added some more things, but still on my quest to not stress myself out too much.

I'm excited because there are a few things on there that I've wanted to do for a long time AND because one of them will impact our lives forever! (adopting a kitten).

And once again, these are more "big ticket items" and more have been added in with pencil, but you get the idea. I cant believe this is my last summer with Nash before he starts school (pre-school mind you, but still!) He is growing up too fast and my time is seeming to slip away!! That is SO unfair how that happens!!

Pet People

I have about 5 blog posts in drafts and 1 in my head.

I'm in a deep funk and finishing them is just not a priority.

However, as we have hit a new milestone in our lives, I figured I'd hurry and share.

We are now pet owners!

Meet Thor. The neediest, cuddliest, cutest part Siamese kitten we adopted from our neighbors!

I promise I have tons of video of Nash and Jace with him too--but they are on my phone transferring to Dropbox as I type.

When we got married we had beta fish at the reception. We kept 2 and my parents kept 2 (we didnt think it through before we did it! lol) I tried with all my stinking might to keep those guys alive. And I failed. I dont even understand it.

Then in 2011/2012? Jace was feeling the push to get a pet. We both worked long hours and were in an apartment...so he decided we needed a robo hamster. You guys. Jace never took care of that thing. And it was the size of my thumb. A cute thing to look at but thats all it was good for. Then I was the only one taking care of it and they only are supposed to live 2-3 years. Pepper Potts got sickly and died close to having her for 2.5 years.

We have now lived in our home for 3 years and we have a 4 year old. You would have thought we would have a pet by now (no more fish or rodents for me!) and jace wasnt keen on the idea of a cat. But every time we thought about a dog, I just didnt have a good feeling--its just not the time. Plus nash loves dogs from far away and not so much up close. He LOVES cats.

So when our neighbors had kittens, we started seriously talking about it. Then they said they had a white one and I've always dreamed of a white cat with blue eyes. So without seeing him we said we would take him. When we finally got over there to see him...I was surprised to find that he was a Siamese!! Still pretty and has beautiful blue eyes.

Its been an adjustment. I've been putting him in the laundry room (which is quite large) at night so I dont have to worry about accidents (working on litter training still) or our couches getting scratched up or our sleep being disturbed. He hasnt loved it. About 5 AM he starts crying and it wakes me up, but he wants to PLAY and there is just no way that is happening. lol

We have swim lessons in the mornings and I feel guilty about leaving him locked up again, so yesterday he went and played at my parents and today my brother came to play with him. LOL I'm ridiculous.

We keep calling him..."her". Hopefully we will get the hang of that.

And Nash is learning responsibility of being in charge of playing with him some.

Pray that I get the hang of this and Thor mellows a bit. :)

Still alive over here

Well...happy new year, happy valentines day, happy st. patricks day, happy birthday to Nash, happy conference, and happy Easter! LOL

Thats all gone down since I wrote last...AT CHRISTMAS. Goodness me.

I still have those blog posts in draft. FYI.



We have been in the thick of life over here. I'm still posting some on my Instagram and Facebook, but I've cut WAY WAY WAY back on that too.


I'm struggling to find balance in my life. Balance in my home life, balance with technology, balance as a working mom. Nash will be starting pre-school this year and while I'm doing cartwheels (figuratively, because...DIZZY) somedays, other days I want to bawl my eyes out at how fast he is growing up.


He asked me yesterday why I get sad that he is growing up. The fact that he asked that question was actually the answer! How? How did this happen so fast?


Work is good--again, the balance thing.


Jace has taken on a second job M-S! :(  Our goal is to pay down our credit card debt ASAP. My brother and his wife bought us tickets to Dave Ramsey's Smart Money Tour last year and while we arent 100% insanely on board....we pretty much have been converted and have been working hard to change our present, so our future is 100% OURS to decide on. And the future of our son is that he will see how hard we worked to get out of debt and STAY out of debt and the goal is to pass that on to him.

We have had our fair share of sickness since Christmas too. Mostly me. Dang crappy immune system.



And I'm still at a loss over our continued infertility. I feel so alone and sad most of the time. I have no one to talk to and everytime I come on here thinking I might say what I'm feeling, I get all in my head about what people will say. So then I dont, and I continue feeling sad and alone.

Good times.



Anyways, just wanted to say we are still here....still alive....just living and working and growing old. :)

Merry Christmas 2017

You haven't heard from me in {quite} awhile!! Did you miss me?

I have about 5 or 6 blog posts that are in draft...I just cant seem to find the motivation or time to finish them off. I've been a bit overloaded with work and life and when that happens it is all I can do to get through my day doing what i HAVE to do, and leaves very little time for what i may WANT to do, like updating this blog.

I am taking the next week and a half off work. I wont be answering emails, or doing any photoshoots whatsoever. Vastly different from last year! Last year I worked up to the 23rd and then started again on the 27th. In the week from Christmas to New Years, I had 4 photoshoots!! I have nothing scheduled so I can refocus my mind and soul and spend some MUCH needed quality time with my husband and sweet sweet son.

I just wanted to pop on and wish everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS from my family to yours. I hope you take some time to enjoy the moment and not be so frazzled that you miss the important things--and of course to remember the reason for the season--our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Loves!!

The 3rd Bedroom.

Dun, Dun, DUUUUUUNNNNN!

So last October we repainted the inside of our home (with the exceptions of the bedrooms). Everything is open plan and so it honestly feels like one giant space. Before we moved in, we had painted Nash's room, and we were fine with the color of our room (its kinda like periwinkle). However, both hall baths, the 3rd bedroom, the living room, the hall, the kitchen, dining, and family room were all this pinkish brown paint.

I knew I didnt love it when we moved in, but as everyone kept telling me, it wasnt that bad and it was already done. So i lived with it for 2 years. Over the weekend of our anniversary, the plans we had to go out of town fell through, so we used those 2 days to completely dismantle our home and paint. Nash was half hating that we weren't paying attention to him, and half loving the freedom he had. Lol.

BEFORE::

Kitchen:

Living room:

Laundry Room:

Nash's bathroom:

Dining Room:

Family Room:

AFTER::

Kitchen/Dining:

Living Room:

Hall:

Laundry Room (Same color in Nash's bath):

I obviously was so tired and scatter brained that I didnt take pictures of every room. But you get the idea!! As I change things up more I'm sure I'll do more posts on the rooms!

I chose a great neutral color called burnished clay from behr that I picked up at Home Depot. Jace wasn't so sure about it, but by the time it dried we both fell in love. It completely brightened up our home (which it needed!! everything was so monochromatic and dark and a little depressing). I also picked out a bright and cheery blue for my laundry room and Nash's bathroom. When Jace saw the laundry room for the first time he said, "hey! i actually want to spend time in here!" Since we were "going for it", I took the time to paint our front and back door a beautiful Navy blue. The doors are weird, they have metal casings on the front and back of them that makes painting them tricky. I did 2-3 coats, and honestly they probably could use another. After doing all that in 2 days....we completely ran out of steam when it came to painting the 3rd bedroom.

I mean, it was a catch all room that we didn't spend any time in, so why bother with it, right?

Well after living with that for another 6 months....I was over it again. ha!!

We had Jace's family coming to our house for Easter, and I decided that was enough motivation to clean out the room, re-organize, and paint.

Jace was able to help some with the painting, but I did all the clearing out, organizing, and of course painting. That room has built in desks and every nook and cranny were painted in that pink brown. It was another 2 days of work, but WOW. what a difference!! I cant believe that we actually have a functioning room!! I can get to every single thing, all of Jace's guitars are up off the ground, my books have a home. I actually have kept that bedroom door open for the last 5 days, I just love looking at it!!

Someday, we will get carpet installed in it (since hopefully it will become another child's room), but until then, I am happy with the result! The closet is the only space in the whole house where that old paint color resides. Hooray!!

My home. and Dreams.

I've shared very little of my home in pictures.

When we moved in 2 years ago, less than 2 weeks in, I learned of Jace's pornography addiction. 

About a year later, he relapsed.

My hours got cut more than half at my job as a respite provider and money became tight as we tried to pay off debt.

Basically, the last 2 years I have been in what we call "Survival Mode" and tackling house projects and then taking pictures of them were PRETTY low on the list.

The house we moved into wasn't in desperate need of changing by any means. The woman we bought the house from had done some remodeling 10 or so years prior. However, it just wasn't ME.

The whole house was MUCH MUCH darker than I like. The walls in every single room with the exception of the "master" and nash's room were painted this pinkish brown. The whole house with the exception of 3 rooms is tiled in this brown tile with dark brown grout. The cabinets are maple with antiquing done on the insets :(, the hardware are all antique bronze (as well as every fixture--lights, fans, faucets, etc), the counters are a black/brown laminate, the appliances are all black, even the shades on the fans are brown tinted. 

I had this conversation on the blog last fall, about needing some color options, because ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. I had been here living in this for almost 2 years and I wanted it to start feeling like me! 

When we moved in, we painted the old master (which was painted GREEN) before we moved in and we turned that into Nash's room. Loved it. Our bedroom that we made the master is a periwinkle...and honestly I don't dislike it enough to change it right now. But the rest of the house is wide open to one another and I was tired of the pink tones. So I picked out this great clay color and we painted the halls, the kitchen, the dining, the family room, and the living room. We then painted the laundry room and nash's bathroom a fun light blue color. I painted our front and back doors Navy blue. LOVE.

As we have lived here, things that the previous owner had bought for the home have started to crap out on us. So slowly we are replacing things. Like, we have a new hot water heater now, a new disposal, a new faucet in a bathroom, and a new dishwasher. The fridge is on the way out too, so we'll probably have to get a new one of those soon as well.

We also inherited ALOT of dying trees. They didn't know they weren't properly tending to them, but we had an arborist come out and all the trees had center rot and all the irrigation and fertilizer and loving care wasn't going to help them. So, so far we have taken out 1 grapefruit tree, 1 pitiful lemon tree, 1 tangerine tree, 1 mulberry tree, and 1 piece of crap whatever tree. We have 2 left--and orange and another mulberry. The orange will be coming down in the next couple weeks (should've happened after Christmas...oh well) and we still need to check on the other mulberry. Long term goal is to plant another good shade tree in the front and a lemon tree in the back eventually (we love the space we have gained in the backyard!)

We need a new roof. The previous owners really needed a new roof and never did anything about it. So that's on the list.

The bricks on the outside of our home are disintegrating from wear and sun. The mortar comes out if you touch it! That will need to be taken care of as well. The house has siding on it, but its YELLOW! Blech! We will get that replaced with white.

I plan on planting beautiful shrubs and roses along the front...once we get the brick figured out.

The inside will get a COMPLETE remodel. Flooring, counters, fixtures, etc. 

and EVENTUALLY we will do a large addition off the back--big photography studio for me, a powder room, a real master bedroom and bathroom, and underneath that a BASEMENT with a gameroom, storage, and possibly a guest bedroom and bathroom. 

(you know in 40 years when we can afford that!)

I have such big plans and goals for my home. I thought I'd post some inspiration pictures here. I can see it exactly how I want it in my head...and it will look awesome!

Kitchen:

Wood flooring

Navy bottom cabinets

White uppers

White quartz countertops

White subway tile backsplash

Nickle fixtures

Stainless Steel appliances

(a nice mid-tone laminate--with extra water protection as it will be in our kitchen)

(i would do nickel or chrome fixtures/hardware, not brass)

Master bedroom/bath:

(large square tub and shower combo in light calming colors)

(double vanity, square sinks, light calming colors with storage!)

If you've ever been in the Mesa Temple's baptistry, the floor in there is the color inspiration for my future master bath. Small check mosaic tiles in sea green, blue, white...i couldnt find exactly what I was searching for online, but i'll know it when I see it!

Master Closet:

In our current "master" there isnt a lot of extra space and minimal closet space. By building out a wall we can do a simple walk in closet. I cant wait!! (These pictures are of a closet that will be bigger than what we will be able to do.)

Living Room:

New carpet

Built-ins

(gray soft/cozy carpet)

(these built ins are amazing! I watched when the blogger DIY'ed most of these herself (with her dad!) I would have plenty of storage for extra things underneath, as well as plenty of book space above!! I have a HUGE wall this would go on in my living room!!)

Conflicted

I'm conflicted.

Right now, I am feeling a major NEED to PURGE.

Seriously, if it were possible, i think I'd sell most of our possessions and start over (with the exception of the paint color in most of the house. we JUST re-did that and I love it).

But I know thats not possible.

The inside of our home doesnt have very much storage space. There is one tiny hall closet that was just for linens that i have been trying to make work for a broom closet (hello, vacuum!) as well as games and linens. All other bedroom closets have been stacked full of important papers, old clothes that dont fit, old items from our pre-marriage days that we havent been able to part with, and nashs closet was chalk full of every item of clothing he has outgrown as well as every piece of baby "stuff" (infant car seat, baby bath tub, bouncer, music table, extra diapers he outgrew, teething toys etc) that we could cram in there.

We have a garage out in our backyard (i know weird!) and there is no access for an actual car. Its a HUGE space (that eventually will become our master bedroom/bathroom/closet--WAY down the road) that would be perfect for storage if there was a space to put things.

So, over Jace's PTO (paid time off) from work, I had him build me shelves for my garage. I drew up what I wanted and he went to work. They are dreamy and now I want more! (I'll post pictures as soon as I can get my garage put back together!)

I started putting things back in the garage that was already in there and realized that we needed to get rid of some stuff, especially because the goal was to clear out some much needed closet space IN the house.

So here comes the purge! I've been throwing away, trying to sell a few things, and have quite the collection to donate amasing. I have not been conflicted about ANYTHING...until I got to nash's closet.

Its no secret that I want more children. I long for the day when my arms are holding more babies and when Nash has siblings to play with. Most of his baby stuff will stay with the hope and goal of using them again in the not too distant (i hope!) future. It was super emotional for me. I cried about his tiny shoes. I had forgotten about his mobile. I found the millions of soothie binkies that I forgot we had. And then...the TOYS. I feel like we have a zillion toys and ONE child! I want to put everything i consider "baby" away....but now that he sees it, he keeps playing with them! I mean, more than his other toys! I know that he will forget about them once they are out of sight for awhile. But I mean, you shouldve seen his face when I bagged up some old toys that I told him were going to another little girl or boy to play with. It was like i took away his most favorite thing in the world!

So. I have been letting him play for the last two days with more toys I found. I've been going back and forth in my head--maybe i could leave them out for him to play with....and then THEY NEED TO GO NOW! Super conflicted. lol

Edited: If anyone is wondering, my purge desire has won out over sentimentality. I stuffed them all in a bag and it will be on its way out to the garage ASAP. :)

Nash-isms

NASH-ISMS AT 2.5 YEARS OLD:


"I'm slippering!" --When the floor is wet and I say be careful, its slippery!

"Nursery!"--The name he calls my auntie Renay since he associates her with his favorite part of church. 

"Let's build sandy-castles!"--Sand Castles

"I need colorings!"--Anytime he sees someone with a marker, crayon, pencil, or pen...he thinks they are coloring.

"I need...!"--One of his favorite ways to start a sentence! "Gamma, I need Tom and Jerry!" "Momma, I need cell noone (phone)!"

"Give me that! Get me down!"--Another 2 of his favorite things to say. He really is sweet, but we are working on being polite and have good manners too.

We had a Family Home Evening the other night and Jace was explaining to Nash that Jesus was our brother. Nash responded with "OH."

He is starting to really talk in full sentences. Jace called the other day on his lunch break and Nash answered the phone and said this, "Oh hi daddy! Whatcha doning?" Jace responded with he was at work and what are you doing? Nash's response was, "I'm watching Einsteins and eating fishies!"

Joe went into his bedroom to take a nap the other day and my mom was watching Nash for me. Nash went to go find Joe to ask him to play with him. Walked in to his room, said "Joe!...then quietly said Oh..."and backed out of his room to leave Joe alone to sleep.

Phoebe (my parents cat) has gone on a couple of trips with them to the cabin lately. Which means she is in her cat carrier. The first time Nash saw it, he turned to me so worried and said, "Momma! Bebe is in the trap!"

If he bumps something, or bonks his head, he whimpers and looks around until he finds me. Then he comes to me and holds out the part that has been hurt so I can kiss it better. Its kinda hilarious because sometimes he climbs on my lap and just sticks his foot in my face. ha!

Right now, we play a game he invented called "Sad momma/Happy momma". I was feeling crappy the other day and was crying. He came up and said "oh, sad momma?" and I said yes, I'm a little sad. Then he smiles really big and says, "okay, happy momma now!" and giggles. Its impossible to not smile and be happier when that happens.

Anytime I do something or say something "funny", Nash looks at me and shakes his head and says, "Silly momma" and walks off!

Nash really is a great kid. He is saying his prayers really well, he is very polite (if you sneeze he will say bless you!), he is starting to pretend play (yesterday he was a doggie--woof woof!), and he will give me kisses anytime I ask for them. 2.5 can be a trying time because he wants to be independent and cant in alot of regards, but it also is a fun age. He is just my little buddy, my pal, and I am SO grateful he is mine!! My life would seem so empty without him!

Here are some recent(ish) pictures...I realized I havent posted any on the blog in awhile of my own kid!