Fummer 2018

FUMMER is here!!!

This year, I added some more things, but still on my quest to not stress myself out too much.

I'm excited because there are a few things on there that I've wanted to do for a long time AND because one of them will impact our lives forever! (adopting a kitten).

And once again, these are more "big ticket items" and more have been added in with pencil, but you get the idea. I cant believe this is my last summer with Nash before he starts school (pre-school mind you, but still!) He is growing up too fast and my time is seeming to slip away!! That is SO unfair how that happens!!

Merry Christmas 2017

You haven't heard from me in {quite} awhile!! Did you miss me?

I have about 5 or 6 blog posts that are in draft...I just cant seem to find the motivation or time to finish them off. I've been a bit overloaded with work and life and when that happens it is all I can do to get through my day doing what i HAVE to do, and leaves very little time for what i may WANT to do, like updating this blog.

I am taking the next week and a half off work. I wont be answering emails, or doing any photoshoots whatsoever. Vastly different from last year! Last year I worked up to the 23rd and then started again on the 27th. In the week from Christmas to New Years, I had 4 photoshoots!! I have nothing scheduled so I can refocus my mind and soul and spend some MUCH needed quality time with my husband and sweet sweet son.

I just wanted to pop on and wish everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS from my family to yours. I hope you take some time to enjoy the moment and not be so frazzled that you miss the important things--and of course to remember the reason for the season--our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Loves!!

Still alive

Its been 2 months since I last posted.

I've been in the throws of life. And right now, I tell you, life is giving me a run for my money!!

I was sick for the entire month of July.

We are in the middle of refinancing our home which is a huge long pain in the behind.

I've been trying to make summer fun for Nash.

I've also been trying to compile "homeschool" curriculum to do with him this next year until he goes into preschool.

I am in the middle of planning a giant surprise party.

My business is SLOW as everyone has been on vacation and then getting into school starting. Its been stressing me out.

My first car, cozey, is due for registration AND emissions. My father is a mechanic...and no matter what we do, she wont pass emissions. Too many things wrong with her to try to fix because she isnt worth all that time and money. So I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out what to do. And every person I talk to either has no idea or they all give me different instructions. I'm thoroughly confused.

With everything going on, my anxiety is UP UP UP. Working on that. Have had some days where I just sit and watch movies and play trains with Nash because I cant make myself go out and "be productive".

I also have been in the middle of a bathroom reno that I'm doing all on my own. I cant expand it yet ($$$!) but have plans to do it in the not too horribly distant future. However, I've sanded and painted, replaced and fixed, and currently I'm in the middle of doing a custom floor. I've learned lots of new skills.

AND we just got back from Jace's VanWagoner family reunion up in Ogden. It was Nash's first time meeting them, and my first time seeing most of them since basically our wedding. Yikes, thats a long time! It was alot of driving, and Nash did great. It was good fun to see them all. Also, I drove through Salt Lake for the first time and lived to tell the tale. Utah drivers and my anxiety...it could have been interesting. Lol

Anyways, thats whats new here. I've sat down to write multiple times but just havent. I also havent updated my social media either. I will try to do better. But if you dont see anything from me, its probably because I'm overwhelmed and eventually I'll emerge.

Oh! and Happy Birthday today to our nephew Corbin! #9!

What I know

So, I wouldn't call myself an expert on anything.

I've done lots of things.

Lots of things well, and lots of things not so well.

I've learned lots.

One thing I know well (that I wish I didn't) is the horrible-ness of cancer.

When I was 5, my grandpa who I idolized, died of prostate cancer.

When I was 13, my aunt died of pancreatic cancer.

When I was 19, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went from stage one pre-surgery to almost a stage 4 after (ended up stage 3). She almost died. She then tested positive for the ovarian cancer gene. So she had a hysterectomy so that wouldn't take her life.

When I was 22, my uncle died of cancer that was caught too late and had metastasized to his bones.

At 26, I got tested and tested positive for the same cancer gene that my mom did.

What I'm saying, is (and this is just my close family.)..cancer is a beast that is relentless.

I learned: how to be strong, when you feel weak.

I learned: how to pick up and keep going, when you feel like falling apart.

I learned: how to cope with the feeling of loss.

I learned: what it was like to watch your parent go through something that basically was killing them, in order for them to live to see you into adulthood.

I learned: to rely on faith. To drink in the hopes and prayers of others.

I watched my mother have surgery after surgery, have a double mastectomy, receive a port to have chemo, do 6 months of chemo, do weeks and weeks of radiation therapy, lose her hair, stay in bed because she was so sick, I've seen her worry and stress about "what if" something happened to her--what would happen to her kids.

I've come to know a thing or two about cancer.

Its a monster. 

Jace's oldest brother Jeff had cancer when he was a toddler. Well, we found out today that the monster has returned. This time its residing around his colon. Jeff has colon cancer. He'll go in for surgery next week, and then have 6 months of chemo (i don't know about radiation), and then another surgery later to reattach his bowels. 

This, to me, unfortunately feels routine. No one should ever feel that way about something so horrible.

But here is what I know:

God is real.

God is good.

God loves us.

The power of prayer is real.

Faith of others can carry you through.

Hope is the best medicine.

Laughter will be tough to find, but crucial.

It is OKAY to be scared.

It is OKAY to cry.

It is OKAY to worry.

And its OKAY to express how you are really feeling.

Are you down in the dumps? Does that moment in time "suck"? Say it. Are you so tired of puking your guts out and cant stand your bathroom anymore? SCREAM IT. Are you worried about your future? Voice it. 

The Lord will hear you. He will guide you. He will carry you through.

THIS is what I know.

Nash is 3!

I dont know how it happened.

But another year has come and gone and my baby is older.

I sat tonight and told him the story of a girl who wanted to be a mommy. And her wish finally came true. And the best part? He was the happy ending to that story!

I am feeling so many feelings. Ive been pretty bogged down with life stuff and the lead up to Nash's birthday and it will be...lets say minimal. I'm not doing a theme or a big party or anything like that. We are having family over for cake and presents and during the day we will be taking Nash to do some of his favorite things. We'll get barros pizza for lunch (his favorite), go to the splash pad/play in the water/play on the playground, and maybe go to the library and get more books. I'm sure there will be Rescue Bots, or Curious George watched at some point, and maybe watching daddy mow the lawn.

I made our annual birthday signs...some the same every year, with new funny ones relating to jokes or favorite shows over the last year. This year is a mish mash. :) Mario Cart, Star Wars, Phineas and Ferb, Moana, etc.

This sweet boy is a constant joy. He really is. He has his moments for sure--and he definitely doesnt give me any space or time to myself which can be hard and annoying at times. But my goodness. This little PERSON. This sweet spirit was sent to me from my Heavenly Father. I longed for the day when someone would call me momma and want to be around me all the time. I begged and pleaded for that day to come. I will never ever take for granted the huge blessing and wonderful miracle that Nash is in my life.

There were times over the last couple of years that I didnt know how I was going to make it...and Nash was the answer. He was the driving force in me to keep pushing on. To keep trying harder. Nash is mimicking all the time now (copying like no ones business--and his imitation of me laughing is FAR from flattering) and all I can think of is, "what is he going to say out and about? have i set a good example? will he be kind and caring, compassionate, and understanding? will he have a testimony of Christ that he would share with the world? will he be true to who he is and be open and honest?" I think these things everyday.

I have such a love for him. I really cant express it. He is my light and my joy and my everything. How glad I am that he is mine.

**a few things of note:

at age 3::

Nash copies EVERYTHING. Movies, songs, people. He picks his favorite word or phrase and will keep saying it over and over.

Nash will stay on repeat of the same statement or question until someone acknowledges him. Its highly annoying when his dad is home because Jace can tune him out completely.

Nash loves to play chase with his Papa (my dad) and Jace. He doesnt get to see them as much and he knows that this game will ensure all their attention on him.

Nash loves my dad. He loves my parents house. He constantly asks to go to "grammas house" and see "papas van" and "bebe".

Sleeps with "blanket" and "mr. peddypaws/gnocchi/Figuero" It changes depending on what shows he watches. lol (rescue bots/curious george/mickey mouse)

He loves to watch Tom and Jerry, Mickey Mouse, Thomas the Train, Rescue Bots, Little Eisensteins, An Extremely Goofy Movie, Phineas and Ferb, and Curious George on rotation.

He saw his first movie theater movie Moana and LOVES having it here at home. We've watched it at least 10 times in 11 days. His favorite songs are the voyagers song, your welcome, and shiney. We have the soundtrack in the car and have to listen to shiny at least twice every drive.

He wants to help with things. His new skill is helping to crack the eggs for his breakfast! He also likes to help sweep...even if he doesnt have the coordination for that yet. He also will help carry in groceries and when we are done with the cart, with mommas help he puts it back. He can throw stuff away if I ask him to (and hes only thrown 1 bowl in the garbage!) He has learned to wash his hands by himself...its not entirely clean, so I come in and help him finish, but he can do it!

We have started going potty on the toilet. We are not toilet training yet, but I feel that will come in the not too distant future. He likes to get stickers and how excited we get when he goes. In fact, he'll come in when i go to the bathroom and say "you did it momma!" ha!

Had our first real talk about private parts and why momma's are different than Nashs. (Showers dont happen for momma during the day unless Nash comes in with me.)

He is tall and skinny. He is officially too tall for the ergo backpack (i tried! and failed)

He still adores outside time. Its now in the 90s so swimming isnt too far off. He is signed up for legit swim lessons this summer with the woman who taught ME!

He is a great sport when I have to work. He knows when i drop him off at my parents that I'm working. He looks at me and says "you taking pictures momma?" and when I say yes, he says "okay do good!"

He worries about others. If someone coughs, he asks if they are okay. If they sneeze, he says bless you. My brother Randy will seize and Nash asks if he is okay and apologizes that randy is hurt.

He is so sensitive. I hope he never loses that.

and he loves. He loves everyone. He makes new friends (young and old) where ever we go.

His smile lights up a room. His laugh is contagious. His spirit shines so bright.

These last 3 years have been so amazing. I cant remember what my life looked like without Nash in it. I sure am grateful to be his mother. Happy Birthday my sweet little man!!

Here are some from his 3 year photo shoot....its getting much harder to keep him still! lol

December 2016 and Christmas 2016

We had a hectic December. We were so so so busy with work that it was hard to find time to do all that I wanted us to.

I got my beautiful tree up a few days after Thanksgiving and we got started on our lights. Jace was working more and so it felt like it took forever, but once we did get them up we were so happy!! Nash especially.

Anytime Nash saw Christmas lights he exclaimed "CHRISTMAS!!!!!!" His enthusiasm helped get us in the spirit.

Lights were a bit slow go-ing at our house since I was the main person doing them and I was working a ton. Nash had been terrified of my parent's halloween and thanksgiving blowups, so we thought we'd let him pick out our blow up and maybe he would love it. Well, he did love it, but he was also terrified of it. Good grief little boy!

My neighbor gifts this year!! I saw all of this soap on sale at Frys and knew this would be something fun and easy to give! I loved it!!

I bought new metallic wrapping paper this year and basically fell in love with my packages.

My house all done on the outside!! Next year we'll have bushes under the windows and a few more lights in the tree, but I think we've nailed it! It was the most lit house on the street!

Our Card this year. I took our family pictures once again and once again i was super stressed out. Maybe we'll have a cute one of us taken randomly during the year where there isnt any stress and use that for next years card!!

Nash has been so fun this Holiday season. I worked REALLY hard with him to say Merry Christmas to everyone as we left somewhere. I made him watch all the fun Christmas movies (grinch, smurfs, Rudolf, alvin and the chipmunks, night before christmas, he-man she-ra christmas, frosty the snowman, and a few others I grew up with, as well as Elf and White Christmas). He never wanted to watch them, but would sit enthralled during the show and then ask to watch them over and over, especially Grinch.

He and I read Christmas books all December and we sang Christmas songs everyday in the car, and in the bath especially. He learned Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman, and Rudolf and sings them everyday.

Speaking of singing, in December, Nash started singing when he woke up which told me he was ready to get out of bed. It was so much nicer than him yelling "momma! rescue me!" Ha!

I finally got him to see Santa. He didnt really care about seeing him....he cared about going on the "roller coaster" (aka the merry go round). :)

We held our Christmas Party (of course I didnt take ANY pictures!) and my house has NEVER been so clean. Not since we moved in. I spent 2 solid weeks decorating and cleaning to get it ready. It was fun to have people over to our home. Other than family, we havent had anyone to our home in almost 2 years of living here!! So crazy.

Out of everyone in my family, we were the only 3 (plus my mom) to not get sick! It was a bummer for everyone and we had to be really careful with Randy, but it was nice to not be sick on Christmas this year.

Christmas Eve and Day were different for us--Jace's family were all up in Flagstaff and so we had lazy days!! IT WAS SO NICE!! There was no stress and no rush. I loved it. We celebrated Melanie's birthday on the 24th and then had our family program--jace and I sung Christmas Hallelujiah again, joe sung oh holy night, we all sang starbright, melanie performed her poem, and the kids sung jingle bells. Then they opened their Christmas eve gifts from gamma and papa and jammies from moms and dads.

Since Christmas was on a Sunday this year, we decided to do our Christmas breakfast for dinner (jeff and melanie had 830 church). So we woke up, opened presents, watched a show, went to church, napped, and then I made fresh squeezed OJ and homemade biscuits! (They came out so good!) Went to mom and dads and had brinner and then opened gifts. Went home happy and tired and grateful for a great Christmas!

Mr and Mrs Santa Claus as we finished putting together Nash's Christmas!

Santa left Nash a tool bench with tools and a Swing car. He basically didnt care about anything else.

Jace's favorite movie apparently. After 7 years he has changed his mind on that multiple times. LOL so I made sure to get the "latest" in his favorite movie lineup.

Lightsaber Chopsticks. I couldnt not.

A leaf blower!! Our yard is always messy because Jace hates sweeping after he mows the lawn! Now he doesnt have to sweep and I have a nice looking yard! Win win!!

Believe me...he was stoked about those cars.

And his own gun! Too bad the trigger is a little hard for his 3 year old fingers to pull.

All day Christmas and everyday since. That boy loves his cars.

I picked out a new flash for my camera--thanks santa ;)

Jace surprised me with my gift. Last year my IPOD got stolen (super sad since it was one my parent gave me in the early 2000s that was engraved! and it had all my favorite music on it) and its been a bummer. He found a refurbished one--and redownloaded all my previous music (most of it anyways-- thank goodness for Itunes and still being on our old computer!!) I was not expecting it!

Always.

He finally put down his other cars and his tools long enough to play on his car. He couldnt figure it out for awhile...but after 2 weeks he started cruising all over the house! He calls it his "Mario Cart".

We have spent alot of time together--Jace had PTO for the last week of December and first week of January and so I took time off work too. We've done alot of playing and resting, watching movies, going to the park, and organizing our house!

We took down our lights and tree today on January 2nd and Nash is completely distraught. He started quoting the grinch who stole christmas to me as I took down the tree!! and when he saw us packing up the blowups and lights he said "why are you taking my christmas!!!???"

Its been a great and busy end to 2016 and we are really excited for 2017 and the plethora of things we hope to happen and accomplish this next year!!