Life Lately and Random Thoughts

My brother Randy is in the ICU again with pneumonia and RSV.

I swear this has been one of the worst seasons for illness'. Nash just got over a 2 week horrible cough only to get what seems to be a cold. Jace had a cold that went into a sinus infection, i got a cold, joe and dad and jeff's whole family has been sick too. I have had 8 past newborn clients with babies who have RSV.

We just need it to go away!! Hopefully Randy will be out of the hospital and home soon. Poor bud. He has been so sick, for so long recently.

Its been rainy and cold, which hormonal hot Andrea loves, but her poor sick family has not loved so much. Nash hasnt gotten to be outside very much in the last 3 weeks. Every time I let him outside he started running or jumping and it started his horrible cough that he couldnt stop. So I basically have a bit of cabin fever going on.

We had friends over for the first time last week for dinner and games. They have 5 kids! and I gotta admit, it was a bit stressful at first. :) But fun. Shoot. I even won all 3 games and that has never happened in my entire life.

Jace has some health issues. His triglycerides are like quadruple the normal level, he has high cholesterol, and who knows what else. We are changing diets and thought processes over at our house. I hope he can get on board, because his life literally depends on it.

My blood pressure has been up and down (literally, like dwight schrute i can feel my blood pressure rising and falling ((he just commands it)) ).

My primary doctor put me back on medication before the holidays and I finally got to see my cardiologist today. The EKG looks great, we are going to do another ECHO but he doesnt think anything is wrong with my heart. Just like some women who develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy and then type 2 diabetes, women who have preeclampsia sometimes develop high blood pressure for life. It isnt fair, but mine is easily controlled with a small dose of medication, so my doctor is considering it a win. 

Also, his computer looked like this: "patient is obese"

and then I wanted to run out of the office crying and felt this overwhelming cloud of shame fly over me. I finally found an endocrinologist that i think will be able to help me get my hormones and insulin levels stablized. My last doctor wasnt helpful and wouldnt even see me (i saw his PA). The hardest part about this weight gain is THAT IT IS NOT MY DIET! I actually eat pretty healthy. I am pretty active as well. I eat small portions. But thanks to the flip flop of my insulin levels, no matter what I do without proper medication and a specialized diet I will not lose weight. But doctors dont know that. They just see the number, the BMI, and tell you to lose weight and sometimes make you feel really crummy. (My cardiologist didnt make me feel awful by any means, hes a sweet guy--but he still looked at the number and said LOSE WEIGHT.)

It was 3 years ago this week that I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. So weird.

I have a Relief Society night coming up next week that I'm in charge of decorating for. I'm a little stressed.

I have multiple newborn shoots this week. also stressful.

I accidently skipped my annual womens exam last year so i have that this week too.

Our tax appointment is the 14th and I've done NOTHING to prepare yet. Its always me too, Jace has no idea what would be needed or what to do. I take care of it. Stress!!

And my baby turns 3 in just 17 days. And I want to cry lots and lots of tears.

The end.

God's timing

My oldest brother Randy has been in the ICU for over 3 weeks.

The last I had written here on my blog was that his kidneys seemed to be shutting down.

When we got the news that Randy might have to go on dialysis and that would probably mean that Randy's time here on Earth would be coming to an end, I dropped to my knees and started pleading with Heavenly Father to make Randy well enough to stay with us. 

I have to say, I dont know what I would do without my Heavenly Father. I truly believe that He hears our prayers. He listens, He cares. 

Others who love us and Randy started praying for him. Clients of mine that I am friends with now, were sending me their love and prayers for him. We had a cousin who immediately said his family would fast and pray for Randy. 

My brothers and I loaded up and went to the hospital to spend some time as our original family of 6 there in ICU. The boys gave Randy a Priesthood blessing. It was nice to be there all together, even though it was in a tiny, cramped ICU room in very scary and unfortunate circumstances.

Randy's kidneys started working better the next day and he did not have to go on dialysis.

Then Randy went through a roller coaster of health issues. One day his breathing was a bit better and they lowered his oxygen down and were talking about taking out his breathing tube. The next day they cranked his oxygen back up since he was having trouble breathing and then he spiked a 104 degree fever! This poor guy.

Sidenote: my mom (mostly) has spent all day and night, EVERY DAY AND NIGHT at the hospital on a horrible little chair that you sit up in. She has been amazing.

Well, since Randy's breathing was still so bad, they decided that they needed to do a tracheotomy. :( That is a forever decision, however, it might help us in the future with problems such as colds or pneumonia. So he had the surgery. With that comes a whole new set of obstacles. He has always been total care, but this is so much more involved. If Randy got well enough to leave ICU he was going to need to be transferred to a rehab facility where my parents would learn how to take care of him and his trach. My mother went to tour one, one day. Not only do they not cater to total care special needs individuals, they dont have physicians oversee them everyday, and they dont allow anyone to spend the night. That obviously wouldnt work for us. 

There was a program there in the hospital that Randy is currently in. And it seems to be the best solution. Randy's doctors would come in everyday and monitor his care. He would be right there in the hospital if something were to happen or go wrong. And one of our family can be in the room with him. But the insurance required 21 days in the hospital and on a ventilator before he could qualify. Well, wouldnt you know, Randy just so happened to be on a ventilator and in ICU for 3 weeks and a couple days. He now qualified.

God's timing you guys. What if, all of this, went on just long enough to get Randy into the correct program to help him have the best care? 

Well, I dont question 'what if'...because I KNOW that Heavenly Father is looking out for Randy.

As of yesterday, Randy has been moved to that facility there in the hospital. He is out of ICU!! He is still on the ventilator, and I have no idea how long he will be in there before he can come home, but they have taken the next step!! Hopefully soon, we can get him and my mom home for good and settle into our new 'normal'. 

We sure miss him.

Thank you everyone who has reached out, expressed love and concern, and especially offering up prayers on our behalf. We have felt them. 

Drowning

Not many people know this about me, but one of my most absolute fears is drowning.

Its always been weird to me, since i grew up in the water. I've always been a strong swimmer and so comfortable there. I used to pretend i was a mermaid since my mom always called me her fish.

But ever since I can remember, some of my worst dreams have revolved around me being in a lake or ocean and drowning. 

As an adult I've tried to analyze this a little, what this means for me. 

Honestly I think I fear "drowning" in the whole sense of the word. 

Have you ever felt like work kept piling up around you and you were "drowning in work"?

Have you ever felt like you over-scheduled your vacation and you were so busy running around that you forgot to enjoy the vacation?

Have you ever just been so consumed with what was going on in your life and the unknown of WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN that you felt like you were just "surviving"??

I call this drowning in my own head.

I feel like I'm in that lake or ocean, paddling along and the water keeps getting higher. The current starts pulling at me more, and I am getting exhausted.

I have overloaded myself a bit when it came to scheduling out my work schedule. I have spent so many hours talking back and forth with perspective clients, running out to photo shoots, coming home and editing...that thinking about it hurts my head. Plus, i've been putting that first lately, instead of my son. I'm not okay with that. My starting this business was to help earn an income for my family as well as to use it as a creative outlet since its a joy and passion of mine. It was never supposed to be full time or take me away so much from my child. I think I need to reevaluate things.

My brother went from being admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, to moved to ICU for a week, to being intubated twice to help him breathe, to his kidneys stopping working to where they are now discussing putting him on dialysis. If Randy goes on dialysis and it doesnt work...then they are basically saying we need to prepare for the worst. 

My mom and dad need to make some hard decisions.

I am quite literally having to think about my big brother dying. 

That has always been a reality for us, with his special needs...but we never have dwelt on it long. The thought of him not being around wasn't okay with us, we refused to think that way if we could have him longer. 

Yesterday was such a hard day. 

This morning it seems his urine output is doing better and his blood pressure is up a little since they are weaning him off his sedation. If this continues, then as far as dialysis--it wont be necessary. However, since they intubated him again, more than likely they will put a trake in, and he will have that for the rest of his life. 

But see, even thinking like that is getting ahead of myself. We aren't allowed to think more than one day at a time, because everything could change quickly. 

Life is crazy. 

And I'm talking about feeling like I'm drowning in my head. 

...Maybe I'M crazy.  

Life lately

Well...the life of boring/weird continues.

I started having horrible migraines and feeling super nauseous so I went to my doctor. Turns out I had a horrible sinus infection. Apparently I've had multiple sinus infections right after another and my doctor is concerned that my deep sinuses are not draining properly. I have been on antibiotics and about a thousand other medications and it hasn't stopped my symptoms. Lucky me...I now get to go in and have a CT SCAN and get to follow up with a neurologist. Because I'm cool like that. :/ I've also developed another infection thanks to the antibiotics. Good times.


Nash got sick 1 day after me. He had a horrible time breathing, runny nose, and was complaining about his throat. He had strep over Labor day so I was getting worried. We took him in and...guess what?! Sinus infection. Come on!! He is the worst sleeper when he is sick and I've been up with him like 3 times a night for the past week. The antibiotic is definitely working though, his head has been clearing out. Hes gone through like a box of Kleenex.


Jace has been having a rough go at work lately. I'm sure everyone has heard of the drama with Wells Fargo. If not, let me sum up super quickly. A bunch of employees over the years made accounts for people without their permission because Wells Fargo had such high expectations that the employees (in most cases anyways) felt they had to do that to keep up. Well, crap hit the fan. Thousands of employees were fired. There was a 184 million dollar lawsuit. The CEO has been called before Congress (he got ripped apart). And now they are having to change LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Jace is having a tough time knowing what his job is now...he is in charge of retail banking at his branch...and they arent doing retail anymore. And since this is all happening on the fly there has been no direction from the higher ups yet. Its been tough.


My brother randy woke up yesterday having trouble breathing and his nailbeds were blue. My mom and dad took him to the ER and he was admitted with pneumonia. Poor guy. Last time he had pneumonia he was in the hospital for a week.



and thats us right now!

blah. On the plus side...i bought a ton of winter clothes for nash and they should be here next week! he is now the same size as his older cousins...so we wont be getting too many hand me downs anymore. I also bought our Christmas ornaments...because i spent alot of time at the doctors and they are next to Hobby Lobby. Sue me!

Nash's new favorite show on Netflix is Mickey's House of Villians, he is 100% using a booster like a big kid, he would rather skip breakfast and then eat a huge lunch, and he is super allergic to mosquitoes just like me--which makes sense since we are the same blood type and life is cruel. Ha! This weather has been awful, everytime we step outside we are both swarmed!

Christmas 2015

I'm so behind. Its the end of February and I just realized that I never posted about our Christmas. Its been so busy with my business and sickness between me and nash. I get this blog printed out every year for our family records/my journaling....so i know it needs to be documented!!

IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ ABOUT MY CHRISTMAS, THEN SKIP TO THE BOTTOM WHERE THE PICTURES ARE!!!

This Christmas was so weird. I had been so sick with back to back sinus infections and Nash had been sick too with colds. Jace was stressed at work. But it was our first Christmas in our new home and by golly we were going to enjoy it.

Jace's parents were going to stay in Utah with their daughter Jen and her family for the holiday. So Jace and I made our plans and arrangements to fit our schedule and include my family in there as well. Out of NOWHERE I got a phone call from my SIL jamie, letting me know that the Utah hunts were all coming down spur of the moment.

Now, if you have been following me for years, or if you know me, you know that Christmas' since I've been married have not been our favorite. One family does what they want when they want to, but gets upset (or has gotten upset) if we happen to not be there. The other family just tries to make it work out that we can see each other. Jace and I also have been trying to start our own family traditions and everything always gets complicated. Basically, normally I stress so much that I make myself sick. Well, this year I was already sick--so it fit that my Christmas was going to be stressful.

I tried to spend extra time with the Hunts (as much as I could with us being sickly), and plan my little family's traditions, as well as make sure we were part of what we had planned with my family.

Christmas Eve we went and had a yummy dinner at the Hunts. We talked and spent time together. Unfortunately since they started later than was planned we didnt get to stay for their annual crepe paper ball.

We then went to my parents celebrated Melanie's birthday, got a special visit from Ann and Pat, and participated in our Christmas program where Jace and I sung a new song that had all of us in tears. The kiddos got to open 2 presents from Grandma and Papa, kids got into their jammies (that were the boy and girl version of each other--that we didnt even plan!!), we discussed Christmas morning and times and went home!!

Nash was up and down all night. It was very miserable for both of us. I went to our orange tree and picked 3 gallons worth of oranges and juiced them until 12:30 am. Santa finished setting up around midnight (its so easy when you have one kid and they are still under 2), We woke up , had to wake Nash up and started opening presents by 7:30. Nash was so out of it--he didnt care about anything. However, he got a train table! and a ball pit from santa, new church clothes, and new shoes, candy, books, 4 different types of balls, a few stuffed animals, a new water bottle, and a "tar" just like his daddy's guitar.

Jace and I both got new water bottles and our favorite candies. I got him a chainsaw and surprised him with the old Batman cartoons we grew up with on DVD. He built me my mantle, got me a misfit (a generic fitbit lol), and a very delicate gold necklace.

I then got up and made biscuits (my first ever!) to take to breakfast at my parents.

My grandparents had this tradition of making all their kids and grandkids breakfast when they came over to open their presents on Christmas Day. After both my grandparents passed, my Uncle Gary has continued on that tradition with everyone pitching in. This year, he had all of his kids and grandkids under his roof for the first time in many years and decided that they wanted to be together just them.

SO. we had to revise our 20 year old tradition. I made the homemade orange juice (uncle gary was normally in charge of) and the biscuits (my aunt joyce was in charge of those). My mom and Dad did scrambled eggs and bacon, and hashbrowns I believe. It was delicious.

Then we opened presents. Jane could hardly contain herself she was so excited!! We went by person. As our family grows that will probably have to change, but it worked out. We gave jane a magnetized dolly dress up book (frozen of course!). We gave Samantha a stuffed kitty. We gave Randy and Joe the same matching shirts that said "World's okayest brother" HA! We gave Jeff and Melanie a photo book that I made of Samantha's first year (I did the same with Jane). We gave my parents a cute throw pillow with the names of the grandkids in the shape of a heart.

People were so generous to us. Joe gave us a gift card to Applebees and a babysitting coupon for a date night, Randy gave me a beautiful necklace, jeff and melanie gave me a giant clock to put above my new mantle!, mom and dad gave me a studio lighting kit for my photography business, got jace a skill saw!, and gave so many other fun things (knife sharpener, apron, books, etc). Nash was spoiled and got a musical car from grandma and papa, a musical plane from jeff and melanie, a mickey car from jane and sammie, and          from uncle Joe.

We cleaned up and went home for Nash's nap.

When he got up, we got ourselves over to the Hunts. :) We gave Jeff and Kara the same type of pillow as my parents, but they have 7 grandkids on there (including the newest 4 week old Asher). We had Jen and Ken this year and shipped all the presents up to Utah. Once they decided to come here they brought them with them, so we could see them open them. We got Calvin a couple of new books, Asher got a soft and silky blanket, we gave movie tickets and a family tree frame (complete with pictures already in it!!) to Jen and Ken. Then we opened gifts and people were very generous again. Nash got a blankie from nana and popa, a fire truck from his great grandma van (pretty sure...), a car from Gracie, a pillow pet dolphin from josh and jamie, and a pull along puppy from jen and ken (again, i'm pretty sure...). Kara made us a pretty Lion and Lamb plaque, grandma van gave us turtles and a fruit bowl, and jeff and mindy gave us cash. ;)

We spent a few hours there talking and holding Asher and then we left to go put Nash to bed. Over the next couple of days we spent more time with the Hunts as they were leaving and I finally started feeling better. It was exhausting, but all in all a good Christmas. Next year I think Nash will be more excited for it, and hopefully we arent sick again!

Picture overload about to commence. Starting at Christmas Eve to Christmas Day.

((i left my camera behind Christmas eve for the hunts. those photos are on my phone and i'm too tired right now to transfer them. i'll have to come back and do that)

I had pillows made for both grandmas. My mom's has a heart with the names "Jane, Nash, Samantha" over and over. Kara's has the same heart but with "Grace, Corbin, Aly, Alaric, Ryker, Calvin, Nash, Asher".

New Years Eve 2014

Ringing in the New year...just how I like it. No stress, lots of food, and jammies! If I never do it any different I wont even care. I'm happy and comfortable. Ah :)

I went and got a wrist brace (i'll explain later)

We went and spent some time with grandpa and grandma hunt who are in town watching football with pop. Then we came home and ate olive garden, watched a few movies and episodes of arrow, chased my now sick son around, ate more food, made my bacon wrapped little smokies, rang in the new year by going out in the rain for 10 seconds and took a few pictures. Nash finally went down with the help of Benadryl at 12:45 AM. I followed around 2 AM. I was so tired.

Thank you for being good to us 2014...bring it 2015!