Monday's Musings

This weekend was an insane roller coaster. Of...are you ready for this? EMOTION. duh.

Friday we tried a date night. We started with a petty argument, super sensitivity, and it turned into an ugly fight that led to me crying in a resturant only to embarrass myself, ruin our date, and give me a headache migraine for the rest of the night.

Saturday was better. I got my hair done. I tanned for a bit. I shaved my legs, got dressed up nice, and put on lipstick. Jace got home and was surprised to see that the house was still a mess, but i was looking like I was ready to go out. I was! I told him that we needed a do-over. Yesterday stunk. It needed to be erased. He readily agreed. We tried out a new resturant that someone had suggested--and bonus! It was good. Then we went to see a movie: Monsters University. Guys. We loved it. We loved the first one, and this one BONUS had the voices of Nathan Fillion (Rick Castle) and John Krasinski (Jim from the office). Then we went and got some froyo to end the night. Then we crashed hard.

Yesterday BLEW. I wont go into the details on here, but I got hurt. Bad. I learned something that literally broke my heart. I am sad, angry, confused...I called my mom. I really needed her to comfort me...love me the way I know that it should be (unconditionally). Too bad they were up in the mountains, otherwise I wouldve been over there sobbing onto her shoulder while she hugged me and comforted me. I HATE feeling this way. I HATE having to pretend to be happy for others when I'm so miserable myself. I HATE that I'm stuck. I HATE that its so difficult to get pregnant for me. I HATE that its so stressful on me and Jace.

When I talked to my mom last night, I was explaining how I was feeling (as best as I could while sobbing). She told me that my heart was breaking. I was grieving. She told me that I needed to find a way to fix myself back up and be able to move forward with faith and hope. I asked, "well, what heals a broken heart?"...and it took her a few minutes to respond...only because she was now crying herself. She replied "the Lord heals broken hearts. go to Him and let Him help you heal."

Best advice I think I've ever gotten. Not easy by any means. No less powerful though.

fact.

I sat in one of my very favorite restaurants last night.

I cried though my entire meal.

I was then embarrassed.

The waitress didn't know how to act.

It was a major fail dinner date.

Sorry honey.

Sorry Matta's.

and Sorry poor waitress.

Life Lately

I feel like I've been a bit MIA from my life.

No joke.

So this is going to be random...random things that have happened, random things that i've thought about. You know...random. Like my life.

• Because of how sick I generally get with my medicine, I havent been to a Relief Society meeting in about 6 months. Basically I'm inactive. My Bishop came to check on me. It was funny, a tad embarassing, and sweet. When he realized that i'd been sick and WHY i've been sick, he was so sweet and left the sweetest blessing upon our home and upon Jace and me. LOVE that priesthood power.
• My family totally went up to our ranch for almost 2 full weeks...WITHOUT ME! I'm honestly quite depressed. We couldnt even get up there for a weekend :(
• I need a vacation. No lie. I'm having a hard time concentrating during the day because I'm day dreaming of going somewhere and doing something. ARG.
• The reason we weren't/arent able to go anywhere is because of jobs. Stupid grown up jobs. So lame. (jace cant take any time off in July unless he is sick..legit sick and i'm brand new at my job so I cant take time off either)
• Fertility...or rather infertility is always on my mind. ALWAYS. However this last month it wasnt at the front of every thought I had. And it was quite refreshing, to be honest.
• I havent been on my hormone shot this month....and its been kinda nice to feel (mostly) in control of my emotions.
• I'm STARVING. Like, all the time. My desk drawer at work is now filled with cereal bars. The problem is that they are too small and too delicious. I ate 2 yesterday (after I had lunch and before I went home).
• I totally forgot my brother was home while his wife and daughter were up in the mountains with my family (he was only home for a few days though, to be fair) and he called last night wanting to do dinner together. So I made my grandmas Hawaiian meatballs. And they were devine. And while I'm sure he wanted to come see me and Jace and hang out...I think a larger motivation was the fact that there was absolutely nothing to eat at his house or at my parents house, that he could raid. LOL
• I GOT A RAISE AT WORK! I've only been here a couple of months. It was nice to feel appreciated and have the validation that I've been killing myself trying to learn everything and get organized was WORTH. IT.
• I'm so white. Seriously. Until last Saturday, I cant remember the last time my poor body has seen the sun. Yes. I live in Arizona and I'm super insanely PASTY. I'm working on it. Also, because of that fact, I resembled a lobster for the better part of 5 days after I laid out for an hour and a half. NICE.
• Friday's are kinda the best. I get to wear jeans and a tshirt to work.
• This week has gone by SO. S.L.O.W.L.Y. 5 PM today can not come soon enough.
• I love wearing my birthday watch from Jace. However he got a link taken out of it before he gave it to me and its just a little too tight. I'm never by a fossil store either so I cant get them to put the stupid link back in.
• Have you guys ever jumped over to http://neonfresh.com before?? Every Friday she has "this is how i feel..." and its awesome. and makes me laugh. Go, and view. You wont be sorry.

THIS NOW CONCLUDES MY RANDOM RANT OF LIFE LATELY. Happy Friday everyone!!!

Emotion

Lately I have been just so overcome with emotion.

 

I should be used to feeling so much, all the time, but I'm not.

 

Yesterday though was a complex whirlwind of emotion.

 

 

I experienced Joy, Happiness, Content, Peace, Gratefullness, Amazement, Frustration, Sadness, Desire, Longing, Jealously, Hopefulness, a tiny bit of Despair, Excitement, Embarassment, Sillyness, a tiny bit of Outrage, and finally Love.--there was a lot of LOVE!

 

Thats a full day--I tell you what. By the end I added one more emotion on there: EXAUSTION!

 

I was mentally and physically worn out!

 

All in all--the good definitely outwayed the bad, and it was a weird, but good day.

 

 Happy belated 4th of July everyone! Hope it was magical!

He got it! He got it!

You guys! My baby brother got his mission call!!!

How in the world is he OLD enough to go on a MISSION??!! 

Geez. How old does that make ME?...never mind, don't answer that. We don't need to go there.

Here is a little clip of last night...

We are so scared and so beyond excited for Joe to start this next phase of his life!

He will be such a great missionary. He loves people. People love him. He loves the Lord. I think its going to be a match made in Heaven :) Literally.

My husband jokes that Joe is the only person he knows that has a heart as big or bigger than his self. (and if you don't know Joe...hes huge!!)

Ah! Cant believe it!!! So glad we get the summer with him!

BlogLovin'

Hey guys/gals,

So...I'm not techy. Seriously.

I dont know the "lingo". For real.

However, I have been hearing about Google Reader going away...and apparently...thats BAD.

So I've added a link for you to follow me on BlogLovin'. I've been using it for the past year or so.

Its still good stuff.

and this is just an FYI!

((click the button...you know you want to.))

Our Journey Part 15

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14

I did the extra shots of the hormone, and only was a little crazy this month. PROGRESS! We went in 3 days later to have another ultrasound.

My doctor was on ultrasound duty that day, so I got to see him. Its funny, because typically you have one ovary that "brings their A game" and that was my left ovary this month. I had 4 follicles on that ovary--one measuring at 18, another at 12, and 2 just over a 10. My right ovary had 2 measuring about a 10.

YOU GUYS. that's 6 follicles. that's 3 more than last month!

He decided that I was good enough to trigger and then do our IUI.

We are hoping that after 5 months of fertility and 4 IUI's (including this one) that this will be it!!! We are happy and excited! While at the same time, preparing ourselves for bad news. Its an interesting conundrum we've got going on emotionally.

I triggered the next day and we set up our appointments for 2 days after that for our IUI. Jace had his appointment at 8:30 (he said it totally through off his whole day...) and mine was at 10:30 (i was working that day...i'm lucky with how nice my boss was being that he let me be as late as i needed.)

My doctor was in surgery, so this is the first IUI that he hasn't done personally. His nurse practitioner did it, and as I was leaving the nurses were saying that "this is going to be it! we can feel it because of your aura!" um...okay?

I left, went to work, and Jace called wanting to go see Iron Man 3. I didn't feel great, but i'm glad we went. (We also ran into Josh and Jamie and saved them seats to sit by us!) On our way home we stopped at Panda (mmmm so bad for you, and yet so good) and our fortune cookies that night were beyond awesome!!! We are hoping that they'll be real and we are trying to keep our spirits up!!

Now for 2 weeks of waiting!