Monday, July 15, 2013

Monday's Musings

This weekend was an insane roller coaster. Of...are you ready for this? EMOTION. duh.
Friday we tried a date night. We started with a petty argument, super sensitivity, and it turned into an ugly fight that led to me crying in a resturant only to embarrass myself, ruin our date, and give me a headache migraine for the rest of the night.
Saturday was better. I got my hair done. I tanned for a bit. I shaved my legs, got dressed up nice, and put on lipstick. Jace got home and was surprised to see that the house was still a mess, but i was looking like I was ready to go out. I was! I told him that we needed a do-over. Yesterday stunk. It needed to be erased. He readily agreed. We tried out a new resturant that someone had suggested--and bonus! It was good. Then we went to see a movie: Monsters University. Guys. We loved it. We loved the first one, and this one BONUS had the voices of Nathan Fillion (Rick Castle) and John Krasinski (Jim from the office). Then we went and got some froyo to end the night. Then we crashed hard.
Yesterday BLEW. I wont go into the details on here, but I got hurt. Bad. I learned something that literally broke my heart. I am sad, angry, confused...I called my mom. I really needed her to comfort me the way I know that it should be (unconditionally). Too bad they were up in the mountains, otherwise I wouldve been over there sobbing onto her shoulder while she hugged me and comforted me. I HATE feeling this way. I HATE having to pretend to be happy for others when I'm so miserable myself. I HATE that I'm stuck. I HATE that its so difficult to get pregnant for me. I HATE that its so stressful on me and Jace.
When I talked to my mom last night, I was explaining how I was feeling (as best as I could while sobbing). She told me that my heart was breaking. I was grieving. She told me that I needed to find a way to fix myself back up and be able to move forward with faith and hope. I asked, "well, what heals a broken heart?"...and it took her a few minutes to respond...only because she was now crying herself. She replied "the Lord heals broken hearts. go to Him and let Him help you heal."
Best advice I think I've ever gotten. Not easy by any means. No less powerful though.

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