I had a goal. To go as long into the new year as possible without getting too sad
about not being a mom yet.
I have made it ONE WEEK into this new year without feeling sorry for myself about not being pregnant or having a baby.
ONE WEEK. thats all i was good for.
last night i failed.
I had 2 of Jace's cousins announce they are pregnant with their second babies. And i found out a few weeks ago that another of his cousins is pregnant...top that off with 3 of my friends announcing their pregnancies, my cousin and her second pregnancy, and of course my SIL due any day with her twins. It was too much. And it resulted in me not being able to sleep, and when i finally did i was having horrible dreams about never being a mom.
I hate this! I think what I hate more than ANYTHING, more than not being able to get pregnant on my own, is that I roller coaster. I'm so happy for these women and that should be that! But instead I'm happy for them for awhile and then I get overwhelmed and I'm sad.
Ugh. Time to get myself wrapped up nice and tight so I can just be happy for everyone.
It gets hard though, you know?