I had a goal. To go as long into the new year as possible without getting too sad
about not being a mom yet.
I have made it ONE WEEK into this new year without feeling sorry for myself about not being pregnant or having a baby.
ONE WEEK. thats all i was good for.
last night i failed.
I had 2 of Jace's cousins announce they are pregnant with their second babies. And i found out a few weeks ago that another of his cousins is pregnant...top that off with 3 of my friends announcing their pregnancies, my cousin and her second pregnancy, and of course my SIL due any day with her twins. It was too much. And it resulted in me not being able to sleep, and when i finally did i was having horrible dreams about never being a mom.
I hate this! I think what I hate more than ANYTHING, more than not being able to get pregnant on my own, is that I roller coaster. I'm so happy for these women and that should be that! But instead I'm happy for them for awhile and then I get overwhelmed and I'm sad.
And upset.
Ugh. Time to get myself wrapped up nice and tight so I can just be happy for everyone.
It gets hard though, you know?
Oh honey I'm so sorry! This year is gonna be your year I can feel it! Give yourself a hug from me til I get to see you later this month!! ;)
ReplyDeleteOooooh, Tickle Queen...I don't blame you at all, and I can't even imagine your frustration...I just hope you know of all the people that love and care for you...we want you to be happy too, and I know you WILL get your dream! You are so strong!
ReplyDeleteNot a fail. You gave yourself a ridiculously hard goal. I think you should make your goal "Be happy when someone else is pregnant but its okay to be sad because you aren't yet." ::HUGS::
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself! Your day will come! It's alright to be sad or frustrated. I know you have love in your heart for friends and family. I love you and I hope you get your chance to grow your family soon! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYes I do.
ReplyDelete