Friday, August 17, 2012

Self Induced Panic Attack

 I'm a worrier. I am. A trait I have inherited from my dear, sweet mother.

I always have been a worrier...not being able to sleep well before the first night of school, or before a test (any test, mind you), getting so panic-y before a playing test in orchestra that my chest started to tighten up.

Any time i go out of my comfort zone (and i MAKE myself do this often), the tight, hard to breathe, panic induced asthma like symptoms start...

like when my brother in laws were going to volunteer me for the "newlywed" game in front of the whole cruise ship that also would be aired at least once a day on the tv's in ALL of the rooms....yeah. i almost killed them.

when i interviewed for a position at MCC. one i knew i would be perfect for (and was btw), but still had to control my breathing and reminding myself that even if i wasnt accepted everything was going to be fine.

any time i have to give a talk in church. (i truly do enjoy speaking and preparing the talk, but boy do i get nervous once i stand up to that pulpit)

or like when someone i thought was "the one" broke my heart the day before finals week started and i had to try and concentrate only on my schooling while my mind was reeling.

As a joke i call it self induced panic attacks.

But sometimes its not funny at all.

For a year, i couldnt sleep without a sleep aid. I had WAY too much going on in my head that I was worrying wouldnt turn off.

Since i've been married, I havent really needed a sleep aid. I generally have gotten better at controlling my worrying/panicking. Dont get me wrong...I still panic and i definitely still worry...ALOT.

Take for instance, what i'm calling the "dress situation". My best friend in the entire world is getting married! I'm excited for her. She's not a member of the LDS church and so its a YEAR LONG engagement. Kill me. I'm the type of person that needs to get everything done and situated ASAP! My 4 month engagement was a month too long.

Anywho...she asked me to be a Co-Matron of Honor! I'm so excited! The only "problem" is that the dresses that she has chosen...i'm not able to wear. They aren't modest enough. So i've been on the search for a modest dress (which is hard ANYWAYS), but also in the exact shade of coral. Its been quite depressing. Getting one of the other dresses and having it altered was an option if i wanted to pay HUNDREDS of dollars.

I honestly have been worrying about this so much. To the point of my little panic attacks. I've been dreaming horrible dreams of being at the wedding, but not being in the wedding party because i couldnt find a dress. And it wakes me up you guys. Not cool.


a friend of mine named Ali posted a picture on pinterest...of a modest, coral dress...that was ON FREAKING SALE. i bought it. it'll be here in a week. and then i'll take it to the bridal store to make sure it matches the dresses there (color wise), and if it doesnt then they have a 30 day return policy.


I'll post a picture of it when it comes :)

Thanks Ali!

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