Since letting friends and family know what is going on in our life with Jace's addiction and the subsequent turmoil that comes with that, its been interesting to see who really cares about us and our future/marriage. And how vocal people are about the subject.
I've had many people, friends and family and some acquaintances even, reach out to send their love, support, prayers, and testimonies.
But what has been even more interesting is watching the other end of the spectrum. I shared something so beyond personal and painful...and yet people feel the need to lash out, be unsupportive, go the extreme in telling me that this is my fault and that i'm shaming my husband. And these are people that I thought loved me, cared about me, and cared and were supportive in mine and jace's marriage succeeding. Can you believe people want my marriage to fail?
This experience truly IS the hardest thing I've been through. My husband would say the same for him. My bishop called this a trial of faith. And boy, I have felt that faith tested. I'm grateful to know that I have a loving Heavenly Father and that He is there for me, especially after learning of others who are not there for me. I'm not grateful for this experience now...but someday, once i'm on the other side of this...i'm sure I will be.
For now, I'm glad to know where I stand with certain people. I dont need the negativity of their opinions to weigh on me, when I really am fighting for my marriage. I'm the one who is still here, I'm the one who is literally fighting against fear, trauma (its called betrayal trauma in case you were wondering. its real, linked to be similar to PTSD, and I recommend looking it up), and anxiety. I've always struggled with anxiety, and my husbands addiction has just made it skyrocket. I'm the one who got us into a great therapist, and WE (my husband and I) are fighting for our forever. Jace is doing his fair share of fighting against Satan and his followers as well. This world we live in now, is just so full of horrible, ugly, and addictive things. Its a constant battle.
So, if you are one of those who is unsupportive of me and my marriage succeeding, then please, stop reading my blog. Unfollow me from Instagram and Facebook. I have no need for someone, who is fighting against something that God Himself wants to see succeed, to be in my life in ANY part.
I want the other people in my life, who have reached out, lended support/listening ear/hugs/articles/ and hope....THANK YOU. It means more than you'll ever have any clue.
And for those wondering...Jace and I are doing much better. There is still a LONG road ahead...and this is something that is a LIFELONG battle...but there IS hope. We can feel it.