Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Triggers and Overload

I havent talked about Jace's addiction recovery or mine for that matter for awhile.

its not that i have a hard time talking about it, but most people cant really understand. 

That makes it difficult.

Jace is doing well with his sobriety. I dont know how many days he has for sure, but I know its been a few months. We are getting better at doing the little things that will help keep our marriage alive. Not great, but its a work in progress. We havent seen our therapist in a while now, we've been so busy with our work, Nash, and then family vacations that there hasnt seemed to be time. Which isnt good. The more we are away from therapy/meetings/sponsors the harder it is to continue to fight this toxic thing.

I find myself getting triggered with conversations of others. 

I'm tired of how the world has warped peoples thinking. I'm tired of family members not really understanding the severity of Jace's addiction and what that means to our marriage/family. No one takes it as an actual problem. People have rolled their eyes when we say that Jace has a Pornography its not a real thing.

I'm tired of people thinking that its okay to dress immodestly, skimpily, heavily altered...because I know for a fact that they are helping cause a problem for those in addiction. I'm tired of people being okay with that--and judging YOU if you disagree! My gosh. I dont want to be looking at your butt, your breasts, or your stomach, And I sure as heck dont want my husband WHO IS IN RECOVERY, looking at you either, making it difficult for him to remain in a good mindset.

Your 14 year old should not look like she is 20, with her padded bras, plastic surgery, makeup, and too grown up clothes.

 I'm sick of celebrities dressing (ha!) in nothing. Christina Agularia? I no longer will watch the Voice because she dresses so skimpily and has her breasts hanging out. In my mind, she looks alot like the prostitutes on "Pretty Woman".

I'm in the fashion/beauty industry as a cosmetologist...and I now hate it. I had magazine subscriptions for my clients, but I've now canceled them. I allowed soft core porn (in some cases) and garbage into my home where my addict husband lives!! Where my son is. I paid for it! UGH. I followed a bunch of stylists on Instagram and Facebook to keep up to date on styles and trends to stay in the game. I unfollowed them. They were showing great work on the head of the client, while the body of the client was scantily dressed.

 I'm tired of all the soft core porn out there (or not so soft) in the image of books or movies or magazines. (Game of Thrones, 50 Shades of Grey, etc)

Recently, I found myself in the middle of conversations (just listening) and almost every single one was making my pistons fire..."trigger, trigger, WHOA i dont agree with that...trigger." I had to remove myself multiple times. I finally got overloaded. I exploded my feelings on my husband and sobbed. 

I'm tired of the world we live in, and that it is just SO HARD. I'm tired of not feeling like there is enough support, especially in regards to Pornography Addictions. 

Its a real thing people. Its not okay. Its damaging. Its life altering--and not in a good way. Betrayal trauma is real. Its damaging, life altering, unpredictable, and scary. 

We all need to stand up and take back the world we live in. Satan has too firm a grasp on things and we've become desensitized. Enough is enough. No more.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you are new to this blog (or not!), comment and don't be shy! I would love to hear from you!! Also...please don't say anything mean. There is no need for me to want to high five the face...with chairs. mmmmk??