The truth about pumping

So. I am writing this down...
Writing a blog post about pumping...
When I should be sleeping.

Because Nash is napping. And that is RARE.

However.

The truth needs to come out about pumping.

I have almost been exclusively pumping my breast milk.

Nash was so tiny and early enough that his sucking hadn't developed. So I pumped. And supplemented for the first month--getting his weight up. Since he was 1 month old he has been on breast milk alone. HOLLA.

Here's the thing.
No one told me pumping was awful. It is. There is no way to sugar coat it.

I hurt ALL the time. And no, the suction isn't too high--thank you. Yes, my nipples are in there correctly. Thanks. FYI your nipples are not going to feel okay or the same or even slightly normal when you are VACUUMING them every few hours.

Also, lets talk about the fact that they don't go back down after you pump. They poke straight out--right through your bra and all of your layers. And if you try to rub them to go back down---don't even talk to me about how much that hurts.

Lets talk about missing out on the bonding that you are supposed to be able to have while breastfeeding. I'm missing that. Its not fair. There are so many things that are just supposed to be able to happen--like get pregnant on your own and then be able to feed your child. Somehow, my body missed the boat or orientation on being a woman/mother and I have hard times trying to do these things. I get really upset at myself and my body for this. Then I realize that I am being really hard on this body of mine. Its life and this is the hand that was dealt to me. I know this. But still.

Nash doesn't associate only me with feeding because everyone can feed him. He takes that bottle like a champ. Do I kinda resent that?...sort of. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm enough special that he'll choose me or want me over someone else. That breaks my little momma's heart.

I LOATHE pumping. At least pumping exclusively. I am TETHERED to an outlet. Forget being able to go somewhere and "because he's still on the tits, I can cart him anywhere" attitude. ((thats from Sweet Home Alabama by the way)) I have to DRAG my pump with me, where ever I go--and I have to have an outlet with a semi private room--because hello. Have you tried to double pump WITHOUT looking?! If you arent watching those nipples in those thing, they will slip, break suction, all that jazz and you wont collect ANYTHING. Meanwhile, you are supposed to pump when your baby is hungry. That way your lift isnt consumed with feeding little persons, then pumping, then feeding little persons, pumping, etc. However, little persons DO NOT LIKE TO BE SITTING NEXT TO YOU WHILE YOU ARE PUMPING BECAUSE THEY WANT THE ATTENTION/BOOB/WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE.

((pump is attached to me here and nash was sitting on the couch next to me on the left....he looks much happier than he was that I wasnt giving him my attention))

So...you put off pumping until he is taken care of because its EASIER. Except, oh wait, you're now in pain because you are becoming engorged.

For heavens sake.

I have to keep reminding myself how BLESSED AND BLESSED AND BLESSED we are to have the option for Nash to receive my breast milk. He has GROWN AND GROWN AND GROWN because of it.

I am so lucky to HAVE milk...

I am so lucky that my friend Lindsey was getting rid of her double electric pump the month before I gave birth...and I'm lucky that I bought it even though I fully expected to be nursing and not pumping only.

But man alive. Pumping is the hardest thing I think I've done in a consecutive manner. I truthfully don't know how long I'll be able to solely pump for Nash.

And I wish someone would have told me the truth about pumping before. So this is for anyone out there who is interested in "the truth".

Haha sorry if it was too much information for anyone else out there.