Our Journey Part 8

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

I've never before had time move so fast and so slow at the same time. Seriously. I cant even describe it properly...but i was MISERABLE for those 2 weeks that we had to wait until our next appointment.

We were praying so hard, and fasting, and our family was doing the same.

Through these 2 weeks, I tried my best not to be thinking that I was pregnant. I didn't want a repeat of my major meltdown like the month before.

However, things were definitely different this month than last month. I was THIRSTY for water...ALL THE TIME. I am horrible at drinking water, and I always have been. So that was weird.

I also was getting up in the middle of the night with crazy weird dreams. Every night.

I was beyond sensitive to smells. We went to AJ's for dessert one night, and decided to walk to the butcher section to see if they had anything good...the smell of fish hit me before we even got there and we had to immediately turn around and leave the store for fresh air.

Also, towards the end of the 2 weeks I woke up and was throwing up in the mornings.

I really started thinking that there was something in there!!! But I didn't talk about it with anyone. Just couldn't do it. I didn't want to get people thinking that I was pregnant if I ended up not being pregnant.

So my appointment for my blood test was scheduled...and after last time I knew that since it was after noon (my appointment had to be at 230 because of work) that it was possible that I wasn't going to get the call letting me know until the next day.

I was antsy, that's for sure. After my appointment, Jace wanted me to come and visit him at work (hes only a couple of miles up from my doctor). I went and HE was the one that was super nervous this time. He kept asking me "so how did it go?"...um, fine. they drew blood and i left. "well what did they say?"...that they would call with the results, but probably not today. "well, did they have any indication of what it might be?"...no silly! that's what the blood test is for; they cant read the blood with their psychic powers.

It went on like that for about 5 minutes and then he needed to help a customer...so I left. and sat on my couch, phone in hand, watching my clock tick ever so closer to 5 pm (the cut off time of calling that day).

tick, tock. tick, tock.

5:30 PM.

Okay...not happening that day. ::sigh of disappointment::

::RING, RING, RING::

its the doctors office. deep breath. here we go!

::ANSWER::

to be a bridesmaid

My best friend growing up (15 years!) is getting married a week from this Friday.

I cant believe it!

She was my Maid of Honor (almost 4 years ago!), and asked me to be one of her Matrons of Honor.

Honestly...i've only been a part of 2 weddings before that were not going to be in the temple. The first was when i was 16--I played the piano for their ceremony (cant actually believe i did that!), and the other I was the maid of honor, but we acted like it was more of a "mormon wedding" than not.

Well, this has been very different. First off, she got engaged almost a year ago. That's A LONG time. I've had her save the date on my fridge for like 7 months (i actually don't know for sure...but its been there for.ev.er).

The other matron of honor is her sister, and the other bridesmaids are a sister, and a future sister in law. (sisters know what she wants, and are able to just go ahead and do it, plus they are in more contact)

The bride and her groom bought a house together and have been living together for almost 6 months.

For her bridal shower, she had registered for bath towels...well we bought her all of the ones on her registry and when she opened them she exclaimed, "our extra towels for our guest bathroom!" for heavens sake, when i got married and we registered for towels it was because we owned NONE. lol

everything is just....different.

My duties are different...in the fact that i don't have a CLUE what my duties are. Seriously.

I've asked and asked what she wants me to do and since we don't see each other much, she hasn't really provided me with things that I can help with. However. I'm going to do my best to just BE there. That's the most important thing right? To make sure you help de-stress, to help fix flyaway hairs, running makeup, a tissue or 2 (i cried at my ceremony, and once at the reception) providing a honeymoon bag (that's my gift to her!), to write a cute toast, to not focus on the fact that my dress makes me look like a whale, helping decorate a get-a-way car and make sure that the groomsmen don't go TOO overboard with things, and letting her know she is loved. That's what it REALLY means to be a bridesmaid, right?

How quickly we forget--and my testimony

So remember when I wrote this post on fear?

Well..., its been what, a week? and already I was letting fear back in and it definitely had its grip on me.

My husband is pretty special. And sometimes he really surprises me. Last week, I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I had been busy worrying--about everything. Things that don't even concern me! I was worried about all of the bills pilling up from the fertility doctor (and feeling guilty because its my "fault" that we have to go to a specialist), I was worried about our poor old red car holding together to last a while since we cant afford a new car right now. I was worried about what Jace's parents where going to do this next month when they came home from their mission. I was worried about not being a good enough wife, I was worried about not having the cleanest home, I was worried that I wasn't working on my spirituality enough. Basically, I just let my thoughts go and go they did! They took off down a road that I was having trouble finding my way back from.

Que Jace. He pulled out his phone, and said "do you know what helps me"? And proceeded to read a series of scriptures that allowed me to BREATHE. It was amazing! What was even more amazing was that Jace decided that we were going to forgo ALL TV at home (Netflix/hulu/DVDs), and for him ALL video games for that next week. We were going to focus more on us as a couple, and on Christ. I felt like we were on cloud 9! All of that "extra"...you don't even realize how much time or energy it takes up. Seriously.

I felt like I was dying last Monday--I was so sick. I had our Relief Society night the next night, so I needed to be better. Miraculously I was! However I was gone all night. And you know what I came home to? My surprising husband had CLEANED THE ENTIRE APARTMENT. He did the dishes, the scrubbing, the vacuuming, and had started on the laundry! It was such a treat to come home to! He looked at me and said, "its amazing how much more time I have since we cut out all of that other junk, and it made me look and think about what you might need from me". I seriously went into the bedroom and cried just a bit...because my home no longer looked like a dragon cave and my husband was so thoughtful. It was so sweet.

This week I have read testimony after testimony of people online in part preparation for General Conference this weekend. I woke up Saturday morning, stayed in my jammies, and watched conference from my bed. The talks were wonderful and a BALM to my troubled soul. I no longer felt despair or worry, I felt hope and love and light. That's what Christ does for you. That's what the truth of the gospel does for you. The congregational hymn Saturday morning is what pushed me over the "edge" if you will. I truly felt like my Heavenly Father was not only aware of ME, but of my recent struggles. The hymn was "Let Us All Press On"  which you can watch here, but its the specific words that were meant "just for me" that I wanted to share with you.

Lyrics

1. 1. Let us all press on in the work of the Lord,
   That when life is o'er we may gain a reward;
   In the fight for right let us wield a sword,
   The mighty sword of truth.
2. (Chorus)
   Fear not, though the enemy deride;
   Courage, for the Lord is on our side.
   We will heed not what the wicked may say,
   But the Lord alone we will obey.
3. (Chorus: Alto, Tenor, and Bass)
   Fear not, courage, though the enemy deride;
   We must be victorious, for the Lord is on our side.
   We'll not fear the wicked nor give heed to what they say,
   But the Lord, our Heav'nly Father, him alone we will obey.
4. 2. We will not retreat, though our numbers may be few
   When compared with the opposite host in view;
   But an unseen pow'r will aid me and you
   In the glorious cause of truth.

3. If we do what's right we have no need to fear,

For the Lord, our helper, will ever be near;

In the days of trial his Saints he will cheer,

And prosper the cause of truth.

I seriously, can not express properly, just HOW much this was needed, and how GRATEFUL I am to my Heavenly Father for his continued Love, Patience, and Compassion on me. I love the Lord so much. I know that this gospel is true--WITHOUT A DOUBT. 

General Conference

General Conference (for those who don't know) is a bi-annual, 2 day conference held in SLC, Utah for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. How grateful I am for technology, allowing me to stream it live from my computer to my TV while I'm here at home in Arizona.

General Conference is like a balm to my soul. I truly believe that.

And the best part is that it is available for anyone to watch!!! If you're curious, please! go to this link and enjoy!!! I know that 4 hours a day on your weekend may seem like a long time, but seriously every year I wonder how its over already. Its that good.

I'll see you next week, I'm going to go get spiritually uplifted!

Book Review--Edenbrooke

So, I was just thinking that I've never really talked about books on my blog!

That is crazy to me, because books are a HUGE part of my life. Books are my sanctuary, if you will. I can pick up a book and be instantly transported into another time and place. I see the story play out in my head much like an actual movie would. When I read, I get lost in the story. I don't hear whats going on around me--I can tune everything, and everyone out. (I love, and my mother hates that little trait!)

I've always LOVED and "wanted to be" sleeping beauty, but totally envied Belle's library at the Beasts castle. 

 I attribute my love of reading having started with my Grandma Gunnell...she was constantly 

reading me a book!

I'm a natural speed reader---always have been. My mom and brother Jeff never believed that I was actually done with a book (for a school assignment or just for fun) when I told them I was. They used to make me do "summaries" and when I was going into so much detail, it blew their minds!

My closet at my parents house was a walk-in (sigh!), and I had a TON of space for shoes...which QUICKLY became my bookshelf. My shoes took a backseat on the floor so I could display my books properly!

Every year I asked for books for my birthday or for Christmas. One year my brother Jeff got me 4 books (one of which was the ENTIRE Narnia series) for Christmas...I had ALL of them read within a week. That's when he vowed he wasn't going to get me books anymore---because I burn through them so quick!!!

Well, through all my years of reading and building up my library, I have had quite a few favorites. 

But there are only a SELECT few that fill my heart to bursting, causing me to want to read them over and over and over. 

I have found a new book to add to that list.

My mom gave it to me to read, to see if it was something she was going to like and be able to get through. (shes not a big reader, nor does she have hardly any 'down' time).

I actually forgot I had this...I found it under the STACK of books on my nightstand...and so I started last night at 12 AM (I couldn't sleep) and 1 AM rolls around and I know I should be sleeping, but I don't want to put it down! and then at 1:30 AM I finished the book. And my heart soared!!! I immediately wanted to re-read it, and last night as I was falling asleep, I played that book through my mind again and dreamed about it. Does that make me weird? If so, then I'm okay with that!

**IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS ABOUT,

 DON'T READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH**

The book takes place probably around the time of Pride and Prejudice and in England as well. On the cover of the book it says "A Proper Romance" and I would have to agree. I have always loved pride and prejudice, but there was always an edge to my love for it.

I am a happy middle/ending kind of girl. My mom calls it "Disney endings". Its true. I love when things work out and make you so happy that you cant help smiling! 

Well this book has just enough go wrong to make you question if things are going to work out the way you want them to, some heartache, and then, of course, the romance. It truly IS a proper romance! There is no stuffiness, no arrogance, no aloofness that there is in Pride and Prejudice--there is just heart warming moments. I love it!
Seriously friends...Mr. Darcy, who?? Its ALL about Phillip. The end.

My suggestion...If you are looking for an easy read, with lots of heart, you should read Edenbrooke. 

Its truly a fantastic book!

"Garden" Party

In my ward, my calling is Relief Society Night Coordinator.

That's a long name for the person who plans enrichment nights.

I got the calling a year ago when we moved into the ward and was totally overwhelmed by the thought of it. I mean, personally, I had been to maybe 3 enrichment nights since Jace and I had gotten married.

But as the year progressed, and my committee was formed, I became more comfortable with the calling and began looking forward to the next night.

Well, we just had our 1st official enrichment night of the year.

A garden party!! (inside)

Yummy finger sandwiches were made, fresh fruit and light salads were provided, refreshing lemonade served, and a fruit pizza bar laid out.

We have such an influx of new sisters move into the ward, and then of course the women who we don't get to see often in Primary, Nursery, and Young Women's.

I've been in my ward for a year, and I still don't know very many women. I just got a new Visiting teacher and she and i had never officially met!

So I decided I wanted us to do a get to know you night! 

But I wanted it to be different.

The goal was to make them draw a number of a table to sit at for dinner (so they didn't necessarily sit with their normal group of friends) and then they would take turns asking/answering questions about themselves (they were provided).

After they all answered questions at the table, I asked a question like, "Who has broken a bone?" and anyone who raised their hand had to move to a new table and then they repeated the asking/answering question process, but with a new group of sisters!

That way we would cover a much greater amount of new meet and greets!

When I ran the idea by my committee, I was pleasantly surprised with their enthusiastic response! And I have to agree, that the night turned out quite wonderfully. I had trouble getting the ladies to stop talking long enough to explain the games we were going to do! That's what I call a success!! I pretty much love my calling, even if sometimes I don't feel quite up to par with others.

The Lord definitely knows what you need and what others need and he places you in the position to help others and yourself!

That just happened...

SO...i woke up this morning having some...stomach issues.

I've been puking my guts out all day.

However, I remembered (in the nick of time, thank goodness), that my RS "get to know you garden party" THAT I'M IN CHARGE OF...is tomorrow.

And I had alot of stuff that I was in charge of buying/preparing/bringing.

So I got myself dressed...and with my puke bucket in hand (or car, as this was) I set out to fulfill my calling.

My first stop was to Superstition Ranch Market for some fresh fruit. 

Now, I'm in sweats, with my hair pilled up on my head in a dirty bun, sans makeup.

I know that I didn't look good on top of the fact of having been bent over a toilet for 7 hours.

However when a teenager (who was not an employee) approached me and called me "Ma'am"...

I was 50% super pleased with this kids manners...and 50% horrified that I'm now qualified as a ma'am. 

No joke. (ha. get it? april fools day?)