Valentines Day

In honor of mine and Jace's 4th Valentines together, I've "love" edited 4-- never before seen wedding pictures-- (seriously...i didn't even know we had these) coupled along with 4 things i love about my man.

1. He makes me laugh. And sometimes its when i really need it, or other times its when i want to be mad and annoyed and hes trying to get under my skin by making me laugh. Either way, I end up smiling, swatting at his leg, and moving on. 

2. He genuinely cares about me and other people. He has a big heart, although he doesn't open it to everyone, or let others see quite how big it is.

3. Jace can't eat a meal without spilling on himself. (in this case, neither of us cut the cake well or fed it to each other gracefully)

4. He can't do a fishy face to save his life. Seriously. I cant decide if its ridiculous or ridiculously cute. :)

Happy Valentines Day everyone!!

(Happy Birthday to Uncle Gary, and the state of Arizona!)

Our Journey Part 1

Our journey to conceive has been a long one.

Well, long to us.

We have been having unprotected sex, and no medications (IE: birth control) for almost 3 years now.

We have talked it through with my OBGYN (who is quite awesome by the way), and he gave me some medication to try and help...which it didn't.

We know that lots of people go many more years of infertility than our 3, and some who cant get pregnant at all, but knowing that doesn't make our journey any less difficult.

All i want to be is a mom. Jace wants to be a dad.

Well, we have finally took our first major step into over-coming our infertility. In January we met with a fertility specialist who my cousin has gone to twice now. And each time, she has gotten pregnant and now has a beautiful little girl and another due this next month.

We didn't know what to expect. Its taken us this long to get into a specialist because our insurance wasn't such that we could afford to go. That all changed with the new year.

Our first appointment was a 2 hour appointment. and it was a whirlwind of information. We both were very impressed with the Dr. and his confidence and knowledge.

It was full of ultrasounds, blood tests, going over options, making appointments (3 in that first week), and then going over to fill my prescriptions (one to start taking that very night!)

We (me mostly) were shocked at how FAST is was all going. Everything was working out the way that it should have because i HAPPENED to be on my period (the 3rd one that month, mind you) and it HAPPENED to be on the day of the cycle needed to have the HSG testing done that week, and it HAPPENED to be perfect to start on a medication so we can see how my body reacts to it.

We don't believe in coincidence. We believe in a Heavenly Father who loves us and knows how hard this has been for us. We had been fasting and praying for this to go fairly smoothly for awhile now.

That was our first experience with a fertility clinic. And, I gotta say, I was impressed.

Next up in our story the HSG test.

Medicine

So. Medicine.

Supposed to make you feel better right?

ugh. so wrong.

I'm on so many different meds for fertility and each one is totally making me sick.

oh.

and i'm having surgery Monday. just found out.

which means anesthesia medicine--plus all of my other meds.

good times. good times.

::facepalm::

Instead

Well...I'm not pregnant.

I guess I should preface this, by saying that we started seeing a fertility specialist.

So far, we love him. He's amazing, and knowledgeable, and confident.

I know that I'll be a mom someday and that I'll be a good one.

But in my head lately, I've been saying things like:

"I'm not this..."

"I'm not that..."

"I don't do this..."

"I should do this..."

"Why aren't I more like..."

and today i chose to take  a minute and stop and 

INSTEAD of being negative about myself,

INSTEAD of tearing myself down,

INSTEAD of feeling like I'm not up to par with others,

I've decided, INSTEAD, to list some positive 

qualities about myself.

Like:

I am a good listener.

I am a good friend.

I am professional.

I clean up nice.

I have a great smile.

I love my husband...alot!

I have a decent voice.

I am creative.

I am a really fast learner.

I am really good at baking.

I am a great hairstylist.

I know who I am.

I know that I'm a daughter of God.

and I'm strong.

Instead of focusing on what i'm not (pregnant or anything else), I want to focus on what I AM.  I'm making this a good day. Happy Thursday everyone!

Thoughts

Ever have those days where it doesn't matter what is going on around you, you have a CONSTANT, STEADY stream of thoughts going through your brain?

Today my brain is in overdrive. Even more so than normal (which is saying something).

I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm worried, I'm expectant, I'm hopeful, I'm prayerful, I'm hopeful, I'm wishful, I'm giddy.

My heart feels like its going to bust out of my chest and my brain feels like its going to explode.

All of this going on internally, while I sit here at work, smiling at customers, answering questions and only half of me is paying attention to them, because I have alot going on inside of my head. 

Super Bowl Sabbath

I hate that football is on Sundays.

And I majorly hate that the Super Bowl is on Sunday.

Growing up it wasn't as BIG as a problem as its become since we've gotten older.
The boys flock to the TV.
My father in-law was the worst culprit I've ever encountered (a few years ago), he didn't even finish dinner with the family--he didn't want to miss a minute of it!

To me, the Sabbath is a time for quiet reflection, worshiping our Lord, showing respect, and seeing family.

But I'm not the world, and alas, today is what I call Super Bowl Sabbath.

I'm not a big football fan, but I can get in to it if its a team I know, or an underdog. I love rooting for an underdog.

and I do enjoy that families get together and have fun and eat good food.

So happy Super Bowl Sabbath everyone! (may the odds be ever in your favor?) bahaha.

I am enough

Today is February 1st.

How did that happen? Wasn't it JUST Christmas?

Well, as we start the month of L.O.V.E., i was reminded by something pretty important.

Ashley at littlemissmomma.com wrote a post today about being enough. about LOVING yourself.

I often am consumed with my love for others that i forget to love myself too. I'm actually pretty hard on myself and not very nice to myself alot of the time. So I'm taking Ashley's advice and i'm writing my "enough" statement.

I am Enough.

I am full of love and light.

I am extremely loyal and love with my whole heart.

I enjoy watching others try and SUCCEED. 

I love making new friends even though it scares me to open myself up.

I am a woman who wants to be a mom,

and sometimes I'm sad that I'm not--but that's OKAY. 

I know that I am a daughter of a KING--my Heavenly Father is my best friend.

I cherish the relationships I have with my brothers and my husband.

I like to think that my eyes can see into someones heart and mind, my smile can sympathize and help uplift, and my heart can reach out and love others.

I'm silly, but strong. Sensitive, but not weak. 

I try, even when I say that I give up. and then i keep trying. I try to be better everyday.

I know I have faults, and I recognize this, but I won't be defined by them.

I AM enough. I'm me--exactly who I should be.

Take Ashley's challenge. Write an Enough statement about yourself. If not on your blog, then in your journal. Its good to reflect on the person you are and make sure that you are loving yourself.

Happy February everyone!