We found out today (August 17th), at 12 days post embryo transfer, that our two beautiful babies didn't "stick". To say our entire family is devastated would be an accurate description. We talked about these babies everyday. We talked about names, what they would look like, how our lives would change once they got here. Nash was talking about how the babies would be in the room next to him and that he could be a big help to me. His comment to me when I told him the news was (with a drooped head and slumped shoulders) "but then ill still be all alone...."and I broke.
The grief has been coming in waves for me. I was SO sure this was finally it for us...i mean we had our babies created and placed in my uterus for crying out loud. As a woman, and a woman with infertility, its impossible to not blame myself. Maybe I did something wrong, maybe I did my meds wrong, maybe I didn't have enough faith...the list goes on.
Sure, I know better logically. But for now the pain is speaking louder than logic.
I now have to prepare myself to miscarry.
Maybe someday. 💔
This phrase spoke to me...except we don't THINK this all we want, we do WANT it.
No comments:
Post a Comment
If you are new to this blog (or not!), comment and don't be shy! I would love to hear from you!! Also...please don't say anything mean. There is no need for me to want to high five people...in the face...with chairs. mmmmk??